Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. - Romans 5

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I Don't Know

I don't know the science about myself. I don't know my body works, with all its feelings, emotions, urges, and instincts. I don't know why I enjoy the things I enjoy, like the things I like, and have addictions uniquely to me. I don't know why I get depressed, or how the shaping of my hypothalamus plays a part in it.

I don't know why I hold on so dearly to the memories I contain. I don't know how "memory engrams " or "LTP" or even "prion-like proteins" determine the memories of my family, of my friends, or even the memory that I know God. I don't know when I should forget them, or when to remember them, or if they have any significance at all.

I don't know people. I don't know what they are thinking, or where they have come from. I don't know the experiences they've had, the environment they grew up in, or how friends or family have influenced them. I don't know how much suffering they have endured, or how much hatred has been fired their way. I don't know who God is to them, and where God is leading them. I don't know their future.

I don't know how to help people. I don't know when to speak up or to be silent. I don't know when to embrace or give space. I don't know what words they want to hear or need to hear. I don't know how to cure their pain or heal their wounds. I don't know how to be a friend who cares.

I don't know love. Oh I thought I knew when I was younger; how romance worked and how I should prepare for marriage. But the older I got, the more I realized how much I really didn't know. I realized how little I know about God, or that He is Love (1 John 4:16). In the words of King David, "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain (Psalm 139:6)." He is expressing his awe of God's sovereignty, of God's omniscience (v1-6), of God's omnipresence (v7-12), and of God the personal designer (v13-18). I think I know who God is in my head, but it's going to take a lifetime to know it in my heart. When I talk to old couples, they will tell me that they have realized the love they have, cupped between mutually wrinkled hands, is only a drop in the vastness of the ocean that is God. I am just a person who understands 1% of love (not even), and my entire life's goal is to make it to 2%. I don't know the happiness I will have when I stand before the Lord and know the fullness of His Love for me.



(Title inspiration from Rae of Sun)

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