Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. - Romans 5

Monday, January 11, 2016

Urbana 2015: Cost, Suffering, and Risk


Well reading this, I am volunteering in 2015, but I am not doing it with my significant other. Poop. That doesn’t mean I’m volunteering alone. I got to do a shift with Jeff and many other brothers and sisters of all ages at the airport, and it was so much fun receiving the confused and scared college students just entering the super rainy St. Louis airport.

Already living in Jeff’s leaky house, I was encouraged by brothers who knew scripture, who memorized scripture, and who encouraged and challenged each other with scripture. It puts me into perspective how little I know about the Bible, and there is still much more the Holy Spirit can show me in God’s Word. Given I still think the NIV is okay while they were all NASB and ESV, I think at the end of the day it is still the Holy Spirit who brings the Story of God to life in our small and humble lives.

One of the things I’m wrestling is the feeling of no knowing what I should be doing, and being left behind. Urbana 2009 was a time of fun and fellowship, going with my undergraduate fellowship en mass and just taking in the expanse of the missions conference of thousands of Christians from all of the world in a kind of consumeristic fashion. Urbana 2012 was more for myself, finding purpose as a young adult out of college, as well as reconciling with my past regrets, bitterness, and tension. Now in Urbana 2015, I don’t have much expectations and really just here to serve brothers and sisters from Pittsburgh, Kansas City, and Chicago who are attending for the first or second time. I want to keep this experience one of selflessness, not focused on myself (especially in the romantic area) but on building on the hope and excitement I see in all the newcomers. Like Sam said, I am here, though I can be critical of Intervarsity and Urbana, to see that hope, to see God work in the new college generation and show them His glory, His kingdom, and His plan for this world. I can only pray that we understand how easily we become worldly, and the cost to follow Jesus. And how it is SO worth it to follow!

The first night of group huddling, I got hear Jeff’s experience at The Crossing, Pastor Lester’s new church. He shared the disappointment he feels where no one there shares the same level of energy and excitement to proclaim the Gospel and take action. He shares how all the young adults have fallen into complacency and are “mellow” about their faith. I see the same thing at Beloved in Chicago, how everything is explained away with “this is just how young adult life is, meeting up with someone once a week every week is already super extraordinary.” That may be true, but that also means young adult Christians are just living a life that is culturally dictated, instead of Biblically ordained. Just because young adults are supposed to go to work and be tired, and the evenings are for resting and entertainment and exercise, does it have to be that way? Is that the church, body, and fellowship that Jesus envisioned? Aren’t we supposed to meet daily, sharpen one another, and put others above ourselves? The thing is, I see myself slowly falling into complacency too. When I meet with brothers, I don’t go deep. Instead I focus on food, on anime, or simplistic stuff. Yes there have been moments of great Gospel preaching and of discipline, but those have been sparse. I actually wonder how much of my faith is real, and how much is fake that I pretend is real. I know leaving CMU and ACF, God has used the time in Chicago to reveal my weaknesses and continual sins that were suppressed in a strong spiritual environment (yes I call ACF a strong environment despite other people’s opinions because you haven’t seen how bad other environments can be). Can I start a men’s group? Can I plant a campus ministry at UIC? Can I serve international students? Can I engage the economical and racial tensions in Chicago? So many possible callings, yet so little time as a PhD student. That just sounds like an excuse. Sam said that our greatest persecution in America will be from within American “churches” where brothers and sisters who are complacent. I wonder if I will face such opposition in Chicago, and whether I will be able to face it instead of just falling back and giving up.

When the message at Urbana for #blacklivesmatter came up on the stream after Francis Chan's message, my first thought was “this is interesting, they even changed into the shirts.” I found it informative and didn’t think too much about it until everyone else came back, and it turns out this message was one of the most hotly debated ones at the conference, with questions about whether it was appropriate or out of place, or even misguided message for a conference focused on missions. For me, I’m all for supporting the messages of friendship, racial reconciliation, and equal treatment of people of color that are embodied within the #blacklivesmatter movement. In this I say amen to Michelle Higgins for bring this point home. I know I have been personally ignorant about this until I moved to Chicago, where the racial tensions over the death of Laquan McDonald shot to a high, and since then I have done my best to try to engage this topic in the most Biblical and Jesus-centered way possible. Yes I don’t think innocent teenagers should be shot just because of their skin color. It grieves me that a beautiful 12-year old was killed, as the non-indictment has been shaking the social spheres today. But we have to look at this from a Gospel perspective. We have to understand that if we were in the same shoes as the shooters, we would have done the same thing. The Gospel tells us that we would have sinned in the exact same manner as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, then the Gospel tells us we would have shot in the same manner due to our upbringing, racial biases, and inherent nerves in that situation. We have to remember that whatever sins and atrocities these police officers and those who embody racist mindsets are nothing compared to the atrocities we ourselves have committed against the Cross. When we put this into perspective, then we can start to show Grace and God’s love in this whole mess. I have wrestled the last month or two on how to jump into this topic. Where do we start? It is true that we now have a cultural bias to see black males as dangerous. I feel it when I walk home at night from UIC. I see it every other day in the email alerts about crimes committed in the area. We know that statistically majority of crimes are committed by black adult men. This is a fact that is commonly ignored by the #blacklivesmatter movement. I know that majority of these men grew up being taught that they were dangerous, and thus became dangerous. I know there was a lack of proper teaching in their lives, through the lack of economic resources, imposed social norms, and lack of father figures in their lives. It is truly sad and unfair. One then can look at the side of the police officers, where they legally and rightly arrest dangerous criminals who majority are black males, and due to this habituation and repetition become insensitive, tense, and suspicious when confronted with black males on the street. Yes there are moments of outrageous acts of violence and murder done by specific policemen, but on a broader picture the yearly interactions can affect the perception to racial bias. This is unfair too. I don’t really know where and when to jump in, especially as an Asian-American.

As a Christian though, we have to look deeper into the whole picture. For thousands of years racial bias has existed. The Chinese have had great civil wars. The World Wars also had elements of racial bias. Even Biblical times we had tensions between Samaritans and Jews, Romans and Jews, Israelites and Egyptians, Israelites and Ishmaelites, and Israelites and Canaanites. In the last case, God even ordered the Canaanite’s destruction due to the sin they inherited from their forefather Canaan and Ham. We see that the root of one man deciding another man is beneath him is due to sin, and we cannot fight sin by our own means. That is something I see that is lacking in the Christian community, especially in Intervarsity where the vast majority of staff are part of the #blacklivesmatter movement (as one infer from their social media posts with sole focus on this single issue among the many issues presented at Urbana). Where does eternity play into this movement? Where does it fit into our call as Christians to do the Great Commission? Where does it fit into Jesus’s promises that we will suffer and endure fiery trials because of our faith? Yes, part of Jesus’s teaching is to love our neighbors, all our neighbors including those of color and of the Muslim faith. But what is the greatest love we can possibly give them? God is Love, and thus to give them the greatest love is to give them Jesus Himself! Now where is that in the movement, or in social justice movements in general? If Christians pursue these movements without the Gospel, what are we doing that is different from non-believers? And yes, that difference matters big time for the Kingdom of God. We have a tendency to follow people, and that is why we need a savior to follow and focus our efforts. We need to not forget our purpose here on this earth is to share the Gospel and proclaim God’s glory to all nations and all people, and no social justice movement should ever take precedence over this. Without a doubt, my brothers of color are hindered in their callings because of social injustices, and so I will stand with them to overcome these obstacles. But to focus on the obstacles instead of the object of our faith just idolatry, focusing on the now and trying to make lives comfortable instead of pursuing eternity. I like Francis Chan’s answer when someone asked his stance on #blacklivesmatter, and it was sad that many in the audience grumbled and weren’t satisfied with it. We have to emulate the Christians who spearheaded ending slavery in Europe and in the US, and the Christians who brought their faith into the Civil Rights movement. They didn't make social justice their faith, but because of their love of Jesus, they were compelled to love their neighbors and to bring an end to the injustice imposed upon them. We also cannot support evils that are present in various amounts in social justice movements, such as using violence against violence. As Christians, we are to fight in a way that reveals the power of the Holy Spirit as the only power to bring peace. If not, then we have failed and the movement is worthless.

Update: I really want to support #blm, and love my brothers and sister of color, but when a single message is overemphasized out of 16 beautiful and equally important messages to the point that it is the only one that is shared on fb and cheered for during sessions, at a missions conference no less, then maybe we have our priorities wrong. Maybe we even forgot about Jesus, and started selfishly focusing on how to make our worldly lives on earth better or for others better by our own power. When did the Gospel equal social justice? Where is that in the Bible? Gospel is always accompanied by suffering, and that actually means world-induced social injustice against you as a Christian and as a human being, to different extents for different backgrounds and culture and it just means greater glory for you in eternity. Social justice may be a small part of the picture of God’s story, but it isn’t the entire story! David Platt said it best, if we disregard Jesus, then any movement or social justice endeavor is completely worthless, and I feel that this is occurring (https://vimeo.com/150364821). Remember, the Gospel is about Love, and it is also about forgiving our trespassers. Vengeance solely belongs to the Lord. So…does your heart belong to Jesus, or just a movement?

"Missions was never intended to be your life, Christ was intended to be your life. Missions is an overflow of a life and heart for Christ." – David Platt

Now that the conference is over, there is so much I still need to process. In terms of knowledge, for the most part, the messages have been reminders of things I already know. Missions. Gospel. Preach. Serve. Still, one of the overarching messages I felt the strongest was the focus of cost, suffering, and risk in a Christian’s life. Actually, Francis Chan’s message at Onething (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j31ncnro-Y4) helped wrap everything together that I heard and saw at Urbana. There is no escaping suffering, every single book of the New Testament brings it up. If you follow Jesus, you will suffer. Not only will you suffer, but you ought to rejoice when you suffer for the Lord. Over and over again is this message repeated in the Bible, and I see it in the lives of the missionaries sharing their testimonies at Urbana. Though I was not present at probably the most powerful moment of Urbana, the prayer night with the six pillars, I can imagine how aware the attendees were of the persecution of the saints in all those countries, and how great the need for the Gospel to be shared in those nations.

For me, the one message that convicted me the most was the secret speaker Wednesday night, under the pseudonym Gassan. His message on reaching out to the international students from Islamic countries really hit me, especially when I know UIC is full of Muslim and Indian graduate students. How can I not share when they are coming to me, instead of me having to go to hostile countries, and coming to an educational environment that promotes open-mindedness such as sharing each other’s religion? Still, there is fear. Fear that they would reject me or laugh at me as a researcher. Even more fear that they would be genuinely interested in the Gospel, which means I would be wasting time that I could have used for myself. My personal time, my research time, my study time, my fun time. My time is precious to me, and I believe part of suffering for the Kingdom is to sacrifice my time for the sake of these students. But I don’t wanna! My God take my fear away from me.

I came to this conference hoping to serve others and not focus on myself. Yet even with that heart focus, God still blessed me. On the day I got to attend the conference, it was the lightest my heart has felt in a long time, and I never even knew I was burdened. If you asked me, God has been lightening the load on my heart for the last 3-4 years, and I’ve been very thankful for His intercession in my life. Yet He let this conference soften my heart even more, something I didn’t get at Urbana 2012 and was tainted in 2009. I don’t want to be a lover of self anymore. I want to love my brothers and sisters of color. I want to love my brothers and sisters in North Korea, Syria, Iran, Pakistan, Yemen, Kenya, Somalia, China, and all other nations in the world. I want to love my brothers and sisters in Chicago. I want to start loving the “least of these” I meet in my lives, starting with “White Castle.” I plead Matthew 6 here. The true purpose of Urbana me thinks is to find where each of us are at with Gospel and Missions in our lives, and God definitely showed that to me and the 6 other guys I fellowshipped with. If anything at all, I was encouraged by how God was revealing Himself and working in those brothers, and I would give up anything to have that kind of fellowship and intimacy we had for the rest of my life.

Update: We all are feeling it. It has been several weeks since the conference ended, and the energy from the conference is slipping away. We are falling back into the routine and being tempted to follow the world again. To fight against that, one of the best ways it to keep sharing your experience. Share it with your parents. Share it with your family. Share it with your small group. Share it with your church. Share it with your co-worker. Share it with someone, because when you keep on sharing, you will keep remembering the messages and convictions you experienced. Also sharing it with multiple people allows them to keep you accountable to your goals and promises, even if they are non-believers. Keep the conversation going to keep a heart for missions flowing.

Urbana 2015 notes

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