Husbands are called to check on the state of their wives' hearts daily. That means once I become a husband, every night I will ask my wife, "how is your heart?"

Such be for the glory of God. I hope I will be up for the task.

A conversation with Jesus

Man: “Jesus, I just want to thank you so much for answering my prayers! Thank you so much for the awesome job you lined up for me! Thank you for the stable income so I can buy the sports car I’ve always wanted! Thank you so much for giving me such a beautiful wife last year! You’ve been showering me with so many blessings!”

Jesus: “Friend, I don’t know how to say this, but I am not in those things and I did not answer your prayers. Didn’t I tell you? I am with those of humble means, I am with the poor and needy, I am with those who are crying, and I am with those who suffer for my name’s sake. It will be those who are truly blessed. Seek me and you shall find me. If you remain in me, then I will remain in you, but if you seek these worldly things, then you are not with me, and I will have to cut off our relationship and admit I never knew you.

#JesusIsAKillJoy #JesusIsTheMessiah #JesusIsAllYouNeed
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Jesus: “Friend [1], I don’t know how to say this, but I am not in those things and I did not answer your prayers [2]. Didn’t I tell you? I am with those of humble means [3], I am with the poor and needy [4], I am with those who are crying [5], and I am with those who suffer for my name’s sake [6]. It will be these who are truly blessed [7]. Seek me and you shall find me [8]. If you remain in me, then I will remain in you [9], but if you seek these worldly things [10], then you are not with me [11], and I will have to cut off our relationship [12] and admit I don’t know you [13].

[1] John 15:15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

[2] Luke 9:25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

[3] James 9:11 But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

[4] Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

[5] Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

[6] 1 Peter 3:14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened."

1 Peter 4:14 If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies

[7] Matthew 5:3-11 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. “Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 

[8] Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

[9] John 15:4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

John 14:23 Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.

[10] Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

[11] Luke 16: 13 No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

[12] John 15:6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

[13] Matthew 7:23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

Urbana 2015: Cost, Suffering, and Risk

http://diendiendien.blogspot.com/2013/06/urbana-2012.html

Well reading this, I am volunteering in 2015, but I am not doing it with my significant other. Poop. That doesn’t mean I’m volunteering alone. I got to do a shift with Jeff and many other brothers and sisters of all ages at the airport, and it was so much fun receiving the confused and scared college students just entering the super rainy St. Louis airport.

Already living in Jeff’s leaky house, I was encouraged by brothers who knew scripture, who memorized scripture, and who encouraged and challenged each other with scripture. It puts me into perspective how little I know about the Bible, and there is still much more the Holy Spirit can show me in God’s Word. Given I still think the NIV is okay while they were all NASB and ESV, I think at the end of the day it is still the Holy Spirit who brings the Story of God to life in our small and humble lives.

One of the things I’m wrestling is the feeling of no knowing what I should be doing, and being left behind. Urbana 2009 was a time of fun and fellowship, going with my undergraduate fellowship en mass and just taking in the expanse of the missions conference of thousands of Christians from all of the world in a kind of consumeristic fashion. Urbana 2012 was more for myself, finding purpose as a young adult out of college, as well as reconciling with my past regrets, bitterness, and tension. Now in Urbana 2015, I don’t have much expectations and really just here to serve brothers and sisters from Pittsburgh, Kansas City, and Chicago who are attending for the first or second time. I want to keep this experience one of selflessness, not focused on myself (especially in the romantic area) but on building on the hope and excitement I see in all the newcomers. Like Sam said, I am here, though I can be critical of Intervarsity and Urbana, to see that hope, to see God work in the new college generation and show them His glory, His kingdom, and His plan for this world. I can only pray that we understand how easily we become worldly, and the cost to follow Jesus. And how it is SO worth it to follow!

The first night of group huddling, I got hear Jeff’s experience at The Crossing, Pastor Lester’s new church. He shared the disappointment he feels where no one there shares the same level of energy and excitement to proclaim the Gospel and take action. He shares how all the young adults have fallen into complacency and are “mellow” about their faith. I see the same thing at Beloved in Chicago, how everything is explained away with “this is just how young adult life is, meeting up with someone once a week every week is already super extraordinary.” That may be true, but that also means young adult Christians are just living a life that is culturally dictated, instead of Biblically ordained. Just because young adults are supposed to go to work and be tired, and the evenings are for resting and entertainment and exercise, does it have to be that way? Is that the church, body, and fellowship that Jesus envisioned? Aren’t we supposed to meet daily, sharpen one another, and put others above ourselves? The thing is, I see myself slowly falling into complacency too. When I meet with brothers, I don’t go deep. Instead I focus on food, on anime, or simplistic stuff. Yes there have been moments of great Gospel preaching and of discipline, but those have been sparse. I actually wonder how much of my faith is real, and how much is fake that I pretend is real. I know leaving CMU and ACF, God has used the time in Chicago to reveal my weaknesses and continual sins that were suppressed in a strong spiritual environment (yes I call ACF a strong environment despite other people’s opinions because you haven’t seen how bad other environments can be). Can I start a men’s group? Can I plant a campus ministry at UIC? Can I serve international students? Can I engage the economical and racial tensions in Chicago? So many possible callings, yet so little time as a PhD student. That just sounds like an excuse. Sam said that our greatest persecution in America will be from within American “churches” where brothers and sisters who are complacent. I wonder if I will face such opposition in Chicago, and whether I will be able to face it instead of just falling back and giving up.

When the message at Urbana for #blacklivesmatter came up on the stream after Francis Chan's message, my first thought was “this is interesting, they even changed into the shirts.” I found it informative and didn’t think too much about it until everyone else came back, and it turns out this message was one of the most hotly debated ones at the conference, with questions about whether it was appropriate or out of place, or even misguided message for a conference focused on missions. For me, I’m all for supporting the messages of friendship, racial reconciliation, and equal treatment of people of color that are embodied within the #blacklivesmatter movement. In this I say amen to Michelle Higgins for bring this point home. I know I have been personally ignorant about this until I moved to Chicago, where the racial tensions over the death of Laquan McDonald shot to a high, and since then I have done my best to try to engage this topic in the most Biblical and Jesus-centered way possible. Yes I don’t think innocent teenagers should be shot just because of their skin color. It grieves me that a beautiful 12-year old was killed, as the non-indictment has been shaking the social spheres today. But we have to look at this from a Gospel perspective. We have to understand that if we were in the same shoes as the shooters, we would have done the same thing. The Gospel tells us that we would have sinned in the exact same manner as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, then the Gospel tells us we would have shot in the same manner due to our upbringing, racial biases, and inherent nerves in that situation. We have to remember that whatever sins and atrocities these police officers and those who embody racist mindsets are nothing compared to the atrocities we ourselves have committed against the Cross. When we put this into perspective, then we can start to show Grace and God’s love in this whole mess. I have wrestled the last month or two on how to jump into this topic. Where do we start? It is true that we now have a cultural bias to see black males as dangerous. I feel it when I walk home at night from UIC. I see it every other day in the email alerts about crimes committed in the area. We know that statistically majority of crimes are committed by black adult men. This is a fact that is commonly ignored by the #blacklivesmatter movement. I know that majority of these men grew up being taught that they were dangerous, and thus became dangerous. I know there was a lack of proper teaching in their lives, through the lack of economic resources, imposed social norms, and lack of father figures in their lives. It is truly sad and unfair. One then can look at the side of the police officers, where they legally and rightly arrest dangerous criminals who majority are black males, and due to this habituation and repetition become insensitive, tense, and suspicious when confronted with black males on the street. Yes there are moments of outrageous acts of violence and murder done by specific policemen, but on a broader picture the yearly interactions can affect the perception to racial bias. This is unfair too. I don’t really know where and when to jump in, especially as an Asian-American.

As a Christian though, we have to look deeper into the whole picture. For thousands of years racial bias has existed. The Chinese have had great civil wars. The World Wars also had elements of racial bias. Even Biblical times we had tensions between Samaritans and Jews, Romans and Jews, Israelites and Egyptians, Israelites and Ishmaelites, and Israelites and Canaanites. In the last case, God even ordered the Canaanite’s destruction due to the sin they inherited from their forefather Canaan and Ham. We see that the root of one man deciding another man is beneath him is due to sin, and we cannot fight sin by our own means. That is something I see that is lacking in the Christian community, especially in Intervarsity where the vast majority of staff are part of the #blacklivesmatter movement (as one infer from their social media posts with sole focus on this single issue among the many issues presented at Urbana). Where does eternity play into this movement? Where does it fit into our call as Christians to do the Great Commission? Where does it fit into Jesus’s promises that we will suffer and endure fiery trials because of our faith? Yes, part of Jesus’s teaching is to love our neighbors, all our neighbors including those of color and of the Muslim faith. But what is the greatest love we can possibly give them? God is Love, and thus to give them the greatest love is to give them Jesus Himself! Now where is that in the movement, or in social justice movements in general? If Christians pursue these movements without the Gospel, what are we doing that is different from non-believers? And yes, that difference matters big time for the Kingdom of God. We have a tendency to follow people, and that is why we need a savior to follow and focus our efforts. We need to not forget our purpose here on this earth is to share the Gospel and proclaim God’s glory to all nations and all people, and no social justice movement should ever take precedence over this. Without a doubt, my brothers of color are hindered in their callings because of social injustices, and so I will stand with them to overcome these obstacles. But to focus on the obstacles instead of the object of our faith just idolatry, focusing on the now and trying to make lives comfortable instead of pursuing eternity. I like Francis Chan’s answer when someone asked his stance on #blacklivesmatter, and it was sad that many in the audience grumbled and weren’t satisfied with it. We have to emulate the Christians who spearheaded ending slavery in Europe and in the US, and the Christians who brought their faith into the Civil Rights movement. They didn't make social justice their faith, but because of their love of Jesus, they were compelled to love their neighbors and to bring an end to the injustice imposed upon them. We also cannot support evils that are present in various amounts in social justice movements, such as using violence against violence. As Christians, we are to fight in a way that reveals the power of the Holy Spirit as the only power to bring peace. If not, then we have failed and the movement is worthless.

Update: I really want to support #blm, and love my brothers and sister of color, but when a single message is overemphasized out of 16 beautiful and equally important messages to the point that it is the only one that is shared on fb and cheered for during sessions, at a missions conference no less, then maybe we have our priorities wrong. Maybe we even forgot about Jesus, and started selfishly focusing on how to make our worldly lives on earth better or for others better by our own power. When did the Gospel equal social justice? Where is that in the Bible? Gospel is always accompanied by suffering, and that actually means world-induced social injustice against you as a Christian and as a human being, to different extents for different backgrounds and culture and it just means greater glory for you in eternity. Social justice may be a small part of the picture of God’s story, but it isn’t the entire story! David Platt said it best, if we disregard Jesus, then any movement or social justice endeavor is completely worthless, and I feel that this is occurring (https://vimeo.com/150364821). Remember, the Gospel is about Love, and it is also about forgiving our trespassers. Vengeance solely belongs to the Lord. So…does your heart belong to Jesus, or just a movement?

"Missions was never intended to be your life, Christ was intended to be your life. Missions is an overflow of a life and heart for Christ." – David Platt

Now that the conference is over, there is so much I still need to process. In terms of knowledge, for the most part, the messages have been reminders of things I already know. Missions. Gospel. Preach. Serve. Still, one of the overarching messages I felt the strongest was the focus of cost, suffering, and risk in a Christian’s life. Actually, Francis Chan’s message at Onething (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j31ncnro-Y4) helped wrap everything together that I heard and saw at Urbana. There is no escaping suffering, every single book of the New Testament brings it up. If you follow Jesus, you will suffer. Not only will you suffer, but you ought to rejoice when you suffer for the Lord. Over and over again is this message repeated in the Bible, and I see it in the lives of the missionaries sharing their testimonies at Urbana. Though I was not present at probably the most powerful moment of Urbana, the prayer night with the six pillars, I can imagine how aware the attendees were of the persecution of the saints in all those countries, and how great the need for the Gospel to be shared in those nations.

For me, the one message that convicted me the most was the secret speaker Wednesday night, under the pseudonym Gassan. His message on reaching out to the international students from Islamic countries really hit me, especially when I know UIC is full of Muslim and Indian graduate students. How can I not share when they are coming to me, instead of me having to go to hostile countries, and coming to an educational environment that promotes open-mindedness such as sharing each other’s religion? Still, there is fear. Fear that they would reject me or laugh at me as a researcher. Even more fear that they would be genuinely interested in the Gospel, which means I would be wasting time that I could have used for myself. My personal time, my research time, my study time, my fun time. My time is precious to me, and I believe part of suffering for the Kingdom is to sacrifice my time for the sake of these students. But I don’t wanna! My God take my fear away from me.

I came to this conference hoping to serve others and not focus on myself. Yet even with that heart focus, God still blessed me. On the day I got to attend the conference, it was the lightest my heart has felt in a long time, and I never even knew I was burdened. If you asked me, God has been lightening the load on my heart for the last 3-4 years, and I’ve been very thankful for His intercession in my life. Yet He let this conference soften my heart even more, something I didn’t get at Urbana 2012 and was tainted in 2009. I don’t want to be a lover of self anymore. I want to love my brothers and sisters of color. I want to love my brothers and sisters in North Korea, Syria, Iran, Pakistan, Yemen, Kenya, Somalia, China, and all other nations in the world. I want to love my brothers and sisters in Chicago. I want to start loving the “least of these” I meet in my lives, starting with “White Castle.” I plead Matthew 6 here. The true purpose of Urbana me thinks is to find where each of us are at with Gospel and Missions in our lives, and God definitely showed that to me and the 6 other guys I fellowshipped with. If anything at all, I was encouraged by how God was revealing Himself and working in those brothers, and I would give up anything to have that kind of fellowship and intimacy we had for the rest of my life.

Update: We all are feeling it. It has been several weeks since the conference ended, and the energy from the conference is slipping away. We are falling back into the routine and being tempted to follow the world again. To fight against that, one of the best ways it to keep sharing your experience. Share it with your parents. Share it with your family. Share it with your small group. Share it with your church. Share it with your co-worker. Share it with someone, because when you keep on sharing, you will keep remembering the messages and convictions you experienced. Also sharing it with multiple people allows them to keep you accountable to your goals and promises, even if they are non-believers. Keep the conversation going to keep a heart for missions flowing.

Urbana 2015 notes

The Compost Pile

So what about the compost pile? Picture your marriage as a grassy field. You enter it at the beginning full of hope and joy. You look out into the future and you see beautiful flowers and trees and rolling hills. And that beauty is what you see in each other. Your relationship is the field and flowers and the rolling hills. But before long, you begin to step in cow pies. Some seasons of your marriage they may seem to be everywhere. Late at night they are especially prevalent. These are the sins and flaws and idiosyncrasies and weaknesses and annoying habits in you and your spouse. You try to forgive them and endure them with grace.

But they have a way of dominating the relationship. It may not even be true, but it feels like that’s all there is—cow pies. I think the combination of forbearance and forgiveness leads to the creation of a compost pile. And here you begin to shovel the cow pies. You both look at each other and simply admit that there are a lot of cow pies. But you say to each other: You know, there is more to this relationship than cow pies. And we are losing sight of that because we keep focusing on these cow pies. Let’s throw them all in the compost pile. When we have to, we will go there and smell it and feel bad and deal with it the best we can. And then, we are going to walk away from that pile and set our eyes on the rest of field. We will pick some favorite paths and hills that we know are not strewn with cow pies. And we will be thankful for the part of field that is sweet.

Our hands may be dirty. And our backs make ache from all the shoveling. But one thing we know: We will not pitch our tent by the compost pile. We will only go there when we must. This is the gift of grace that we will give each other again and again and again—because we are chosen and holy and loved.

 - John Piper

"Nothing in history or in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross … At the foot of the cross, we shrink to our true size." - John Stott

"My generation is gruesomely lonely, but in response, we don't need another handout, another kind gesture, or a better bible study. We don't need more people that will merely know our name and address or care for us sporadically and at arm's length. We need big, reimagined, Jesus kind of love, and people willing to sacrifice themselves in order to live it with us. We need people who will love us enough to get messy. So be deeply involved. Be covered in someone's tears. Be the person who gets the call at midnight. Be the person who hears the gory details when someone’s marriage or career falls apart. Be the person who tells someone the hard stuff that they need to hear but no one wants to say. Be the person who repeatedly gets someone else's mud and blood all over you. Be the person who goes home a little uncomfortable at night, not because of your behavior and thoughts, but because you've been near enough to someone else's. Be a family member to the lonely, messy people of this world, and to my generation" - Josh Riebock

"Look at Jesus. He was perfect, right? And yet he goes around crying all the time. He is always weeping, a man of sorrows. Do you know why? Because he is perfect. Because when you are not all absorbed in yourself, you can feel the sadness of the world. And therefore, what you actually have is that the joy of the Lord happens inside the sorrow. It doesn't come after the sorrow. It doesn't come after the uncontrollable weeping. The weeping drives you into the joy, it enhances the joy, and then the joy enables you to actually feel your grief without its sinking you. In other words, you are finally emotionally healthy." - Tim Keller

Encouragements from my brothers and sisters

"If God isn't the center of this relationship, then everything is bad [even if it is good]." – Kelvin W.

In and out, not you and me. Elevate the author of our faith, not the experience of our faith. - Mike Y.

The confession of sin does not save us from sin, but it does keep us aware and keeps sin from growing and festering inside us – Valerie C.

It is not about the strength of our faith, but the object of our faith - Jeff L.

How can we trust God in the big things if we can't trust Him in the little things? - Jack M.

If I sin in a dream, say I commit a sexual sin, does that count against me? Do I have control over my actions in my dream?

I guess at the end of the day its a moot point since Grace will cover those too.

"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit's power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made -- I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals."

"I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power."

"My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifices, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity."

"I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And, when he comes for his own, he will have no problem recognizing me ... my banner will be clear."

 – Unnamed Zimbabwe Martyr

God sent Jesus because trying to understand God is like a 3 dimensional being trying to comprehend a 5 dimensional being (like Interstellar, http://ultraculture.org/blog/2014/12/16/heres-visual-guide-10-dimensions-reality/), except God transcends all 10 dimensions. That’s why when asked the question "what does God look like" will bring in varied answers, from a Gandalf/Zeus/Dumbledore-looking father figures to glowing ball of light or pillars of fire.Maybe God is a deep booming voice from above. But we cannot, by our own power, comprehend God for He is incomprehensible, and this is called the transcendence of God. Therefore we look to Christ and the Cross.

John 1:18 No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.

John 6:46 No one has seen the Father except the one who is from God; only he has seen the Father.

John 14:6-7 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him, and have seen Him.

Matthew 11:27 All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

Colossians 1:15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 

Hebrews 1:3 The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.

God doesn’t always use us for our talents/skills because 1) he wants to humble us 2) when fruit is produced, it is obvious that it was God and not man that produced it.

To live something must die. To die means to live. Isn't that literally Jesus 101?

The greatest praise for a Christian woman is to be called Godly and pure. The things a Godly woman should look for in a future husband is how that man serves and encourages the growth of the Gospel in his fellow men, and how he disciples younger men. Remember just because a man is gentle, caring, and kind to you doesn't mean he is gentle, caring, and kind. Such a fake nature will not last in marriage. Isn't that what Matthew 5 warns us about, the sacrificial nature of Love?  If a man loves you and not everyone in the Body, especially other men, then his love is very conditional and cheap. A man's character is based on how He Loves the Lord, not how infatuated he can get with a woman. And this desire for God has to start when he is single, and not begin (though can be cultivated) through his romantic relationship. A woman who doesn't look for or support this in the Church, the Body of Christ, is not a Godly woman at all! Remember that though romantic relationships and marriage are good things, they tend to be avenues of selfishness and sin. All of this also applies to men too, though most flak have generally been sent their way (and rightly so biblically). The question is, where are the older mature sisters guiding and warning the younger ones?

Update: I know there are boys out there. It is the guy's job to get himself educated in theology/scripture and take steps to become like Christ in His example of a bridegroom and husband to the church. It is the guy's job to move from the self-absorbed egotistic prick (or an insecure wimp) he is to a gentle, kind, and sacrificial man of God. It is the guy's job to move from being a boy into a man who can glorify God in his household. It is the guy's job to find accountability and discipleship to prepare himself for the responsibilities of manhood. It is a guy's job to pursue solely after Godly women, to show other guys that these women are most desirable, and to show Godly women they are most desired. It is the guy's job to realize that marriage isn't the end all be all, but Christ truly is enough for him. But after all this, then isn't the girl's job to find men like these and pursue them, instead of finding boys and attempting to do God's job by trying to speed up their spiritual maturity through your own efforts? As if your spirituality can be transferred to him, especially when you set yourself as the greatest idol in his life. Why do Christian woman find non-believing men more attractive? Why are looks, stability, and/or charisma more important than a heart for God in finding a spouse? When was the last time you woman in your latest DTR ask the guy "what is the purpose of marriage? And if he didn't say something along the lines of "marriage being for the glory of God through the analogy of Christ and the Church and co-servanthood, edification of his wife to become beautiful and spotless for her holy Joy, breaking and humbling of himself through sacrifice and humility, the production of spiritual and biological children for the Kingdom, and the preaching of the Gospel through the example of selflessness (Love) and covenant-keeping in front of non-believers," then why the hack did you start dating him? Or did you even bother to ask this question at all?

·        The Christian man or woman who wants to marry a follower of Jesus must looks for a spouse who has learned what it is to die to self in allegiance to Jesus - John Piper

Yeah, when I was 22 years old (after I graduated from college) I honestly didn't understand anything about the purpose of marriage. I've been both the self-centered person and the insecure loser. Even at 26+ years old and having done hundreds of hours of research on understanding Biblical marriage (for a specific season), as well as attending numerous marriages and counseled many couples with my theoretical knowledge on this topic, I admit that I am still a work in progress and probably will be well into my future marriage (if it is in God's will). But at least I have taken the initiative to lay down the groundwork, and I want to encourage everyone to do the same.