“…for many years I simply refused to listen to the Christian answers to this question, because I kept on feeling that, ‘whatever you say and however clever your arguments are, isn’t it much simpler and easier to say that the world was not made by any intelligent power? Aren’t all your arguments simply a complicated attempt to avoid the obvious?’”

“My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I gotten this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it? A man feels wet when he falls into water, because man is not a water animal: a fish would not feel wet. Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too — for the argument depended on saying that the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my private fancies. Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist — in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless — I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality — namely my idea of justice — was full of sense. Consequently, atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.”

C.S. Lewis

Poles

Once there was a father who brought his daughter to the parking lot of a nearby water park, empty because it was closed for the season. They were there to teach her how to ride a bike.

The father thought, "there is so much asphalt here, she is going to be a bike champion!"

The daughter pointed to a single object in the parking lot, "what is that?"

"That is a pole," the father replied.

"Am I going to hit it?"

"No you won't."

"I'm going to hit it..."

The father positioned his daughter and the bike upright, and let go. The girl bee-lined toward the pole.

BUMP

The father rushed over to his daughter, who had already started tearing up with a pouted lip.

"I told you I was going to hit the pole!"

"You only hit the pole because focused on it."

(Adapted from Dr. Charles Lowery)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The moral of the story is there are many poles in our life, things that are necessary and take away from our relationships with God and with other people, that we focus on. Here is an example that I've encountered recently that surprised me.

Division over Christian Music:

This week marks the first week I've heard anyone call songs by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Kristian Stanfill "secret guilty pleasures" (source - JS Park). I didn't even know that there could be "fake" Christian songs and "real" Christian songs (source - Michael Gungor). Who determines what songs are supposed to bring glory to God and what songs do not? What is wrong with songs that sound similar to pop culture songs? Historically many Christian hymns were based off the tunes of that time period, some literally the same tune but different lyrics.When did superior art and creativity directly correlate with how efficient it brings people to God or how sincere/honest the song is? Can a song even bring someone to God in the first place? I like what Jon Foreman says about this topic:

"You see, Jesus didn’t die for any of my tunes. So there is no hierarchy of life or songs or occupation only obedience. We have a call to take up our cross and follow. We can be sure that these roads will be different for all of us. Just as you have one body and every part has a different function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each of us belongs to all the others. Please be slow to judge ‘brothers’ who have a different calling (source)."

When the Musicians and singers are anointed, the river of the Holy Spirit flows through the melody and the harmony, using the music to refresh and flood His people. Each note and each word are like fresh water in the middle of a desert. On the other hand, when the music does not have the touch of God, despite its beauty and careful arrangement, it feels hollow, empty, and dead. Only the Spirit of God can impart life. - Pablo Perez

A youth knelt down to pray and said, “God, I can sing so well I wish to sing for you. I can dance so well, I wish to dance for you. I can play music so well, I wish to play for you. I can think so well, I wish to invent for you. There are so much I can do for you. Please use all my giftings for your purpose and glory. I want to give you my best. God answered, “My child, thank you for willingly offering all your gifts to me. But those are not your best. Your best is your LIFE. Will you surrender your LIFE to me. When I have your LIFE, I have everything. I am interested in who you are not what you have. "What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." - Eleanor Powell

From how I see it, all music belongs to God, and music should be used to give Him praise (as stated in the Bible). Music, especially "Christian music," should be sung with God in mind and for God, not for ourselves. As I have said before, it is what our heart's desire is when we sing that determines whether the song is truly "Christian" or not; that we singing or listening it for God's sake instead of ourselves.

"Too many equate being emotionally moved by music as being moved by the Spirit, but these are not the same. Real worship happens when your spirit responds to God, not some musical tone. In fact, some sentimental, introspective songs hinder worship because they take the spotlight off God and focus on our feelings." - Rick Warren 

A reminder on the purpose of worship, not for the self-satisfying good feeling, or to appreciate a well played/put-together set, but to center our hearts and worship God. - Andy Kim

Anyways, here is a "cheesy" song by that "mainstream" guy Matt Redman that speaks about the VERY reason why we have Christian songs in the first place (his story here http://worshipleader.com/songstory/).

"The Heart Of Worship"

When the music fades
and all has slipped away
and I simply come.
Longing just to be
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

King of endless worth,
no one could express
how much you deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor,
all I have is Yours,
every single breath!

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

It is not about the how well the music was arranged or delivered, its not about the how touching the lyrics are, its not even about the testimony behind the creation of the song. It is all about Jesus.

Through these quotes and remarks, I just wanted to point out that we as brothers and sisters in Christ should not let such a reason divide us. Focus on God's glory and don't sweat how God uses other people or callings.

http://jspark3000.tumblr.com/post/69174377028/remember-you-are-a-work-in-progress-looking

Remember, you are:
- A work in progress, looking towards the work finished, Jesus.
- Under construction, in a process, two steps forward, one step back.
- On a journey of faith, because faith is not a light-switch.
- A messy, gritty, raw, real, complicated creation called a human being, and no one should ever shame you for being human.  Jesus was one of us, too.
- Not defined by your mood, situation, or circumstance.
- Not defined by the “amount” of your faith, but rather by the perfect author of your faith who receives even your weakest stumbles towards Him.  It’s not about your grip, but rather the strength of the branch that holds you.
- So loved that God preempted your failures with the gift of His Son Jesus, who died to pay your price of Hell and who also died exactly for those times you would feel far from Him.
- Always allowed to approach the throne room of God with all your anxieties and fears and requests, no matter how petty, because God can handle your venting and clenching of teeth and He will not bite your head off.  It’s also His very grace and acceptance that begin to restore the broken pieces back together.
- A Christian, a profoundly broken person who has met Jesus the Messiah, who radically transforms you by being who he is: the Savior, Redeemer, King, Brother, Friend.
— J.S. Park

This is not a...law which we can escape...what is outside the system of self-giving is...simply and solely Hell...that fierce imprisonment in the self...self-giving is absolute reality - CS Lewis

Jesus has dealt with rejection. If Jesus has faced more rejection, abandonment, and pain than you ever could on your behalf, then you can face head-on the rejection of your past and the problems you are going through relationally right now with your head held high! When He is for you who can be against you? - Pastor Kyle Turner

Skeptical Christian

I like this post. This is the closest I guess to "reblogging" or "tumblr-ing" I get.

"Prayer is an acknowledgement that God is in control over that person"- Darrin Patrick

Sometimes I walk down the street and wonder to myself whether I am passing by people who could become significant in my life. Could I be passing my future wife just like that? What if he could be a lifelong friend? I say to myself, "missed opportunities." But then I step back for a moment and realize that the people I did meet are there in my life because God put them there. The people I will meet will also be in God's control. So why do I worry? It is an act of mistrust. Believe in Him for He is all we need.

Once upon a time there was a king who ruled over everything in a land. One day there was a gardener who grew an enormous carrot. He took it to his king and said, “My lord, this is the greatest carrot I’ve ever grown or ever will grow; therefore, I want to present it to you as a token of my love and respect for you.”
The king was touched and discerned the man’s heart, so as he turned to go, the king said, “Wait! You are clearly a good steward of the earth. I want to give a plot of land to you freely as a gift, so you can garden it all.” The gardener was amazed and delighted and went home rejoicing.
But there was a nobleman at the king’s court who overheard all this, and he said, “My! If that is what you get for a carrot, what if you gave the king something better?” The next day the nobleman came before the king, and he was leading a handsome black stallion. He bowed low and said, “My lord, I breed horses, and this is the greatest horse I’ve ever bred or ever will; therefore, I want to present it to you as a token of my love and respect for you.” But the king discerned his heart and said, “Thank you,” and took the horse and simply dismissed him.
The nobleman was perplexed, so the king said, “Let me explain. That gardener was giving me the carrot, but you were giving yourself the horse.” - Charles Spurgeon

I have been the nobleman before. Sometimes I still am. It is an never ending struggle for control.

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
― Mother Teresa

I’ll tell you another way I see this, specifically among singles. Now I don’t know how many married people we have and how many unmarried people we have here, but let me chat with singles in particular; men and women, not just men. I’ll say this: I think another way we’re self-seeking that is most visible among single evangelicals is…and I’m going to go both ways here, so if you have an urge to cheer, I would just wait…when young men with no respect for the soul or the emotions of a young woman begin to flirt with no real intention of anything other than trying to get them to like them because they’re an insecure little boy.

No intention of pursuit for marriage, no intention of being careful or cautious with their soul, just “I’m insecure. Let me try to get you to like me and care for me so I can puff myself up at your expense.” Ladies, you’re part of the problem. Now do they need to repent of that? Absolutely, but you’re also part of the problem, because in your failure to really trust and believe in what God says about you and has for you, you’ll let them!

I know some of you are like, “Well, Matt, I live by myself, and I have a cat! Matt, this ends with me being by myself with a lot of cats! I don’t want that to happen to me, Matt! Please! I don’t want to be the cat lady! Please don’t do this!” Okay, listen. For your own good, young woman of God, please listen to me. They can’t do it if you don’t let them. Just go, “What are your intentions?”

“Well, Matt, that’s going to make them run away!” Sometimes it’s good for a brother to run away! Listen, please! I know we’re giggling here, but young women, if they have no intentions, then why not find out early? If they’re the type of young men who have not thought at all about the sacrifices necessary to love you, walk with you, encourage you in your walk with Jesus Christ, and lay down their life for you, then find out early.

Then if you go, “What are your intentions?” and the guy goes, “Man, I just want to get to know you better. I want to watch you flourish in your relationship with the Lord, and I want to see where this goes,” then go out in a group until he asks you to marry you. That’s probably a little strong, but I’ll keep it there. I’d rather be too strong than too light in this dysfunctional environment we’re in.

Seriously. I mean, I watch young men do this all the time. God help me, when I was a young man, I acted like this. Then you just kind of wreak havoc on a young woman’s soul, a daughter of God’s soul, and to placate your own insecurity, you would damage a daughter of the King. And girls, stop it. Don’t let them. “Matt, remember the cat thing.” Listen to me. I’ve said this so many times. I’m going to keep saying it.

Your loneliness now is monumentally better than your loneliness with a man in the house who has no intention of loving and serving you like Christ loved the church, no intention of pouring himself out for you and the lives and souls of your children. Just wait. I’m pounding on these young dudes, all right? I mock them all the time. I’m trying to motivate them to quit being boys who can shave and grow up, but you have to wait. You have to call them. You can help me help them by just calling them on it, man.

I just love stories where a dude is pursuing a young woman, and they’re like, “You know what? What are your intentions?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Well, go on then, and when you grow up and become a man of God, come back and see me, and maybe we can talk.”

You don’t think that will rock that dude? You don’t think he’ll just go start reading his Bible? You know? “Okay, honey. Let me see what I can do here, all right?” So you can help the process of sanctification by being a woman of God who says, “Christ is enough for me, and Christ does satisfy me. Sure, I’ll have these longings, and he who finds a wife finds what is good, and marriage is a good thing, but it’s not an ultimate thing.”

Jesus is enough. Trust him when he says that. “That means I’ll be an old maid.” If you end up being an old maid with a bunch of cats, the presence of God will sustain you to glory. It’s still better. This is one of the ways being just about you plays itself out.

 - Matt Chandler

https://www.tvcresources.net/resource-library/sermons/the-counterintuitive-life

2 Monkeys

http://www.upworthy.com/2-monkeys-were-paid-unequally-see-what-happens-next-sc4-3a

You watch this video, and you go "wow, those monkeys are really smart and really human!"

But then you realize, "shoot, sometimes I'm like that." We downgrade ourselves to the level of a monkey (or a child) and throw child-like tantrums when we have a sense of entitlement and we do not get what we want, especially when we see our neighbor (or rival or enemy) obtain our heart's desire.

Food for thought. Eat more cucumbers.

(I wonder if the monkey would continue the tantrum if he were to see the experimenter eat only cucumbers too, leaving the message"hey I only get to eat cucumbers like you too." Maybe it will create a sense of companionship or a bond when individuals are put in similar life situations. United through suffering I guess).

Limited Atonement

So this week I've been wracking my head over CMBT's midterm #2, but also on the concept of limited atonement, which is one of the five pillars of Calvinism (and some reformed versions of Calvinism will remove it). Its opposite is universalism, which I do not believe, but there are too many definitions of limited atonement making this topic quite complicated.

Here are some famous theologians speaking on the topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u2RMyj-rxY - John Piper and Rick Warren
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4x2zYA3Wc0 - RC Sproul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NVaOWJijik - John Mcarthur

As you can see, there are 3 different definitions of limited atonement with varying "absoluteness." John Mcarthur takes the fundamental Calvinist view, RC Sproul takes a reformed view, and John Piper seems to take a middle group (though I am sure opposite sites will interpret him as on their side). They all call themselves Calvinists by the way.

I cannot say I have a clear cut view, and that my theology is still immature on this. I hope to gain more light but in John Mcarthur's words, "there will always be tension."

Note I only listed Calvinistic beliefs. Armenians and Catholics do not believe in any form of limited atonement at all. Also note I didn't put any scriptural references (which John Piper, Rick Warren, and John Mcarthur go over in their talks) for any of the sides because for me, reading the entirety of the bible, its too easy for me to go read a passage (say in Luke 9-10) where one verse seems to point to one side, and then the following verse would seem to point to the other side. Yes there are a handful of go-to verses for Calvinism used to justify limited atonement, and yes there another handful verses that seem to reject it completely, and people debate, and have debated for 2,000 years, over the interpretations and context and applicability of these verses to these theological notions.What is a nub like me to get caught up in all of this and forget about what is accepted by all parties as Truth: God the triune is sovereign and merciful, and Jesus has died for me to save me from my sin and so I may glorify Him.

Here are more videos related to this topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlw2b3bqYG4 - Mark Driscoll
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19vsmE-i8_s - Darrin Patrick and Robert Peterson

I REALLY like Friday's bible study analogy of how husbands and wives should submit to each other (Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5:21 specifically).

The analogy is a military one. As shown in the movie clip from Band of Brothers, there is a regulation that the commanding officer's orders are not to be questioned and taken immediately. If this order of rank is broken, then there will be chaos on the battlefield.

1 Corinthians  11:3
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

As shown here in the passage, God specifies that the husband is the head of the wife, and that Christ is the head of the man. God is also the head of Christ. As shown here, rank doesn't equal value. God and Christ have been established as equal (John 5:18, John 1:1-3, 1 John 2:23, Colossians 1:15, Phillipians 2:5-6, 1 John 5:20, Titus 2:13, Matthew 17:2). The example given at LG was that while the speaker first joined the Singaporean army, he was given a platoon and his second in command was a 20 year veteran who was even in Afghanistan as part of the UN's peacekeeping corps. So this veteran has much more value than the "greenhorn" officer, yet he takes orders from his superior unquestionably. Just as Christ and God are equal, so is man and woman. There are just specific roles given to each gender.

Looking at Ephesians 5, there was a lot of conflict over the interpretation of how wives should be submissive to their husbands. Some thought it was unfair. Some believe there was leeway. But looking at scripture closely shows that wives should submit always (okay I give an exception later).

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."
"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" Colossians 3:18

Even if they are a non-believer, wives should still submit.

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives"  1 Peter 3:1

(this doesn't mean a woman should date a non-christian, for it is in God's plan that they find a husband who fears the Lord, as stated in Ephesians 5 and 100 other places in the Bible).

These verses make it pretty clear that the wives should submit to their husbands. This means they get the last word. It is hard to swallow, and very absolute, but according to Pastor Darrin Patrick, this is God's built-in conflict resolution in a spiritually healthy marriage. This is God's delegated role to a spiritually mature husband (if they aren't spiritually mature, they shouldn't be in a marriage in the first place, as said by Pastor Mark Driscoll - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TBiRMpP8wE). It is the woman's decision to marry a faithful husband who fears the Lord (http://sheismore.com/the-husband-list-12-non-negotiables/, http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/red-flags-in-a-relationship/), so if she chooses wrong then there are going to be consequences. This doesn't mean that the wife has no opinions and cannot be accountable for the husband's spiritual walk with the Lord. For sure it does. The husband has responsibilities to sanctify his wife, and bear the burden for his family's sins. He shall also listen to his wife and love her as much as he loves himself. Even better, husbands should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

There are exceptions to this. If the husband is not in line with the Lord, and he "breaks rank", such as an abusive husband who verbally or physically abuses the wife or her children, then she has every right to defend herself, call for help from the church, and seek governmental help aka police to throw her husband in jail. It is a crime. As the husband is the head of the wife, so is Christ is the head of the husband. If there is already a conflict in the order, then the wife can bypass the husband and appeal to his head. It is the husband's responsibility to make sure Christ is always his head and care for his family (1 Timothy 5:8, Ephesians 6:4). Jesus is the #1 man in a woman's life. The husband is the 2nd. If it comes down to choosing the husband or choosing Jesus, the answer is clear (Mark Driscoll http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kTO0mTAyM).

Bottom line, a wife who is married to a God fearing husband shouldn't have any reasons to not be submissive to her husband. Also no husband, Godly or not, is perfect. Wives do not submit to her husband because she trusts him to make the right choice 100% of the time, she submits to her husband because she trusts God, 100% of the time.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

 (I write this here to remind myself. One day I will get married, and I don't want to create expectations for my wife that aren't biblical, and I want establish what my role is in marriage biblically. I also want to find a woman who believes in this theology as well. My role is to love my wife as Christ loved the church. This...is very hard. Very very hard.)

Sermon a Day, Nov-10

James 5:13-20

Act as if you can convert people. You do not have the power or the ability to do so, but you have the responsibility, because you represent someone who can. You point people back to the Truth, the Way, and the Light.

Pray in faith. Praise in faith.

Be quick to restore people.

When confessing sin, confess to someone more spiritually mature than you. When ministering to someone, minister to someone similar in faith or less. This way you can achieve more for the kingdom of God.

Pastor Jim Fullmer

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

The idea that the whole human race is, in a sense, one thing —one huge organism, like a tree—must not be confused with the idea that individual differences do not matter or that real people, Tom and Nobby and Kate, are somehow less important than collective things like classes, races, and so forth.
Indeed the two ideas are opposites. Things which are parts of a single organism may be very different from one another: things which are not, may be very alike. Six pennies are quite separate and very alike: my nose and my lungs are very different but they are only alive at all because they are parts of my body and share its common life. Christianity thinks of human individuals not as mere members of a group or items in a list, but as organs in a body—different from one another and each contributing what no other could. When you find yourself wanting to turn your children, or pupils, or even your neighbours, into people exactly like yourself, remember that God probably never meant them to be that. You and they are different organs, intended to do different things.
On the other hand, when you are tempted not to bother about someone else’s troubles because they are ”no business of yours,” remember that though he is different from you he is part of the same organism as you. If you forget that he belongs to the same organism as yourself you will become an Individualist. If you forget that he is a different organ from you, if you want to suppress differences and make people all alike, you will become a Totalitarian. But a Christian must not be either a Totalitarian or an Individualist.
I feel a strong desire to tell you—and I expect you feel a strong desire to tell me—which of these two errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs—pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worse. You see why, of course? He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them.
-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, Bk. 4, 6

While reading Allegiant, you can get a sense that it was written by a woman, especially with her characterization of Four. Sometimes, when reading how Four thinks or acts, I go "ah so that's how a girl wants their boyfriend to act/think, but it is totally not how a guy would act in reality." At least Veronica Roth is a good writer and doesn't focus too much on creating an unrealistic image of the male person(seen in Twlight or 50 Shades of Grey).

From this thought I realize how great of a writer J.K. Rowling is. To be able to write the Harry Potter series, with all its romantic awkwardness, she writes in a way that appeals to both male and female readers equally, as well as write with an extraordinary standard of prose.

I also notice a lot of fantasy (and probably Sci-fi) also reveal the male writer's take on romance, love, lust, and sex. Again, like Rowling, I really admire Brandon Sanderson's ability to write a novel based from a female perspective. His characterization of Vin, and consequently her relationship with Elend, doesn't seem too boyish at all (though she is kind of boyish).

I want to be a writer that can think from both the male and female perspective. I want to be a writer period.

Only at CMU ACF would people use the ACF's Facebook page to post pokemon friend codes. But I guess that's a good thing right?

Those who say nature is peaceful are mistaken. You walk down that trail in the forest, and all is serene and you feel at peace. What if I tell you a mountain lion was stalking you on that trail. Are you still feeling peaceful?

Any careful observer of nature will tell you it is a chaotic and cruel environment. Survival of the fittest. Kill or be killed. Mostly it is the young and weak that are the first to die. Even plants choke their neighbors so they can live. The forces of weather are wild and destructive.

But even in nature there is hope and love. The mother will care for the young. Through death, life sprouts. The cycle continues. Do I see God in nature? Yes. But it isn't in the big events, but the little ones.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:11-13)

Love by George Herbert

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back,

        Guilty of dust and sin.

But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack

        From my first entrance in,

Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning

        If I lacked anything.

"A guest," I answered, "worthy to be here":

        Love said, "You shall be he."

"I, the unkind, ungrateful? Ah, my dear,

        I cannot look on thee."

Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,

        "Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord; but I have marred them; let my shame

        Go where it doth deserve."

"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"

        "My dear, then I will serve."

"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."

        So I did sit and eat.

It seems like October is the month to be sad. I don't mean me, but everyone else around me seems to be hurting. Lonely thoughts. Romantic rejections. Career fears. Marriage fights. Burning out from too much responsibility.

Well even my nightmares of not having community have been creeping in.

Seems like when everyone has depressing thoughts and are on the brink of cracking, they come to me for an ear to listen and maybe a few words of encouragement. I do what I can do. For them, "there is always Dan who I can talk to."

Who do I turn to when I feel anxious? Is it really fair to just tell me "just turn to God?" Don't you who said that have people you spill your guts out to at night?

Opening up the bible is like walking into Jesus' home. we would sit in his lounge, and he would call me over to tell me I am his disciple and friend. "Go. Do as I have told you. Bring more friends over to visit me, so that I may cook a feast for them!" But when I say, "No, I just want to stay here. I don't want to leave," Jesus looks at me sadly.

Reading scripture is to have the relationship with Christ, because where else can you find Jesus' spoken words, transcending time for your ears to hear? But if you don't apply them and live out a Christ-like life, then aren't you just a fan?

P.S. - Prayer is also a method of communicating with God, but I like to think its Him who is listening to us when we pray, and us listening to Him when we read scripture. I am also not downplaying any other forms of communication either.

" I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you! " - Samwise Gamgee

Big words from a small hobbit. This is what accountability should be. This is what brotherhood is!

Galatians 6:5 - for each one should carry their own load. 
Galatians 6:2 - Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_NmCh42hZM

Sam: [Both are overcome by exhaustion] Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark, with nothing, no veil... between me... and the wheel of fire! I can see him... with my waking eyes!
Sam: Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you! 

"Thus far did I come laden with my sin,
Nor could aught ease the grief that I was in,
Till I came hither. What a place is this!
Must here be the beginning of my bliss!
Must here the burden fall from off my back!
Must here the strings that bound it to me crack!
Blest cross! blest sepulchre! blest rather be
The Man that there was put to shame for me!"
- Christian 

Is following my heart biblical? Is following my heart what Jesus wants?

Apologies

Recently I have been learning to fully and wholeheartedly apologize...

To the brothers and sisters of Washu ACF, I apologize. I apologize to all who tried to reach out to me my senior year and were turned away from me, or became fearful that I would lash out at you. I sincerely hope that in the future, by God's planning and grace, we can meet again. At that time, we can share blessings and praise our Lord together.

To the families and elders of GKCCCC, I apologize. I apologize for rebelling against you during my youth and causing everyone to worry about me. I remember all the times the elders took me out to meals, encouraging me that there is hope, hope in fellowship and hope in God. Without your guidance and watchful eye, I would not have grown up to be a man chasing after God's own heart. I am eternally thankful that you all have provided for my family and given me the foundation in God's strength. I am thankful that you placed your trust and dreams of posterity on me. I will do my best to carry this burden.

Today God has blessed me with wonderful fellowship at CMU. There is no way I will repeat the past. I will not forget You. Be the strength in my heart, and the light on my path.

GCF retreat notes

Somewhere an atheist once said, "God demands us to love Him and his son." He couldn't accept that. But what if, hypothetically, there existed someone who cared for you dearly. He wanted to make sure you were always doing well at school, or with your job search. He wanted to get lunch and dinner with you. He calls regularly to make sure you are doing alright. He was always there for you when you were upset and down, and he was there to celebrate with you for all your moments of achievement. Maybe you start out suspicious of this person. "Is he a creeper?" "Does he want my kidney?" "Is he really lonely and needs a friend?" No, he already has many friends, all who think really highly of him, and all are cared by him equally and uniquely. Soon you start to realize that there really isn't anything he can possible want or gain from being your friend. You are the only one who benefits from the friendship. At this point, if someone like this truly exists, would you be his friend?

I have rejected Him once.

How can Susan, one of the chosen Daughters of Adam, a noble and beautiful queen loved by all her subjects, a person who has personally known the great Aslan, could return to the real world and forget everything she has seen and experience? No, its not like she forgot, she denied it all. How can she forget Narnia to chase after boys and careers?

I am like Susan. I have once denied it all.

"Why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that lasts forever? Like a greeting card." - 500 Days of Summer

We do not pursue things that actually matter (Luke 10:18-20, Matthew 6:19-24, Luke 12:16-21, 1 Samuel 16:7)

Teach me to seek you, and reveal Yourself to me as I seek;
For unless You instruct me I cannot seek You,
And unless you reveal Yourself I cannot find You.
Let me seek You in desiring You; Let me desire You in seeking You.
Let me find You in loving You; Let me love You in finding You.