I REALLY like Friday's bible study analogy of how husbands and wives should submit to each other (Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5:21 specifically).

The analogy is a military one. As shown in the movie clip from Band of Brothers, there is a regulation that the commanding officer's orders are not to be questioned and taken immediately. If this order of rank is broken, then there will be chaos on the battlefield.

1 Corinthians  11:3
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

As shown here in the passage, God specifies that the husband is the head of the wife, and that Christ is the head of the man. God is also the head of Christ. As shown here, rank doesn't equal value. God and Christ have been established as equal (John 5:18, John 1:1-3, 1 John 2:23, Colossians 1:15, Phillipians 2:5-6, 1 John 5:20, Titus 2:13, Matthew 17:2). The example given at LG was that while the speaker first joined the Singaporean army, he was given a platoon and his second in command was a 20 year veteran who was even in Afghanistan as part of the UN's peacekeeping corps. So this veteran has much more value than the "greenhorn" officer, yet he takes orders from his superior unquestionably. Just as Christ and God are equal, so is man and woman. There are just specific roles given to each gender.

Looking at Ephesians 5, there was a lot of conflict over the interpretation of how wives should be submissive to their husbands. Some thought it was unfair. Some believe there was leeway. But looking at scripture closely shows that wives should submit always (okay I give an exception later).

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."
"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" Colossians 3:18

Even if they are a non-believer, wives should still submit.

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives"  1 Peter 3:1

(this doesn't mean a woman should date a non-christian, for it is in God's plan that they find a husband who fears the Lord, as stated in Ephesians 5 and 100 other places in the Bible).

These verses make it pretty clear that the wives should submit to their husbands. This means they get the last word. It is hard to swallow, and very absolute, but according to Pastor Darrin Patrick, this is God's built-in conflict resolution in a spiritually healthy marriage. This is God's delegated role to a spiritually mature husband (if they aren't spiritually mature, they shouldn't be in a marriage in the first place, as said by Pastor Mark Driscoll - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TBiRMpP8wE). It is the woman's decision to marry a faithful husband who fears the Lord (http://sheismore.com/the-husband-list-12-non-negotiables/, http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/red-flags-in-a-relationship/), so if she chooses wrong then there are going to be consequences. This doesn't mean that the wife has no opinions and cannot be accountable for the husband's spiritual walk with the Lord. For sure it does. The husband has responsibilities to sanctify his wife, and bear the burden for his family's sins. He shall also listen to his wife and love her as much as he loves himself. Even better, husbands should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

There are exceptions to this. If the husband is not in line with the Lord, and he "breaks rank", such as an abusive husband who verbally or physically abuses the wife or her children, then she has every right to defend herself, call for help from the church, and seek governmental help aka police to throw her husband in jail. It is a crime. As the husband is the head of the wife, so is Christ is the head of the husband. If there is already a conflict in the order, then the wife can bypass the husband and appeal to his head. It is the husband's responsibility to make sure Christ is always his head and care for his family (1 Timothy 5:8, Ephesians 6:4). Jesus is the #1 man in a woman's life. The husband is the 2nd. If it comes down to choosing the husband or choosing Jesus, the answer is clear (Mark Driscoll http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kTO0mTAyM).

Bottom line, a wife who is married to a God fearing husband shouldn't have any reasons to not be submissive to her husband. Also no husband, Godly or not, is perfect. Wives do not submit to her husband because she trusts him to make the right choice 100% of the time, she submits to her husband because she trusts God, 100% of the time.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

 (I write this here to remind myself. One day I will get married, and I don't want to create expectations for my wife that aren't biblical, and I want establish what my role is in marriage biblically. I also want to find a woman who believes in this theology as well. My role is to love my wife as Christ loved the church. This...is very hard. Very very hard.)