I’ll tell you another way I see this, specifically among singles. Now I don’t know how many married people we have and how many unmarried people we have here, but let me chat with singles in particular; men and women, not just men. I’ll say this: I think another way we’re self-seeking that is most visible among single evangelicals is…and I’m going to go both ways here, so if you have an urge to cheer, I would just wait…when young men with no respect for the soul or the emotions of a young woman begin to flirt with no real intention of anything other than trying to get them to like them because they’re an insecure little boy.

No intention of pursuit for marriage, no intention of being careful or cautious with their soul, just “I’m insecure. Let me try to get you to like me and care for me so I can puff myself up at your expense.” Ladies, you’re part of the problem. Now do they need to repent of that? Absolutely, but you’re also part of the problem, because in your failure to really trust and believe in what God says about you and has for you, you’ll let them!

I know some of you are like, “Well, Matt, I live by myself, and I have a cat! Matt, this ends with me being by myself with a lot of cats! I don’t want that to happen to me, Matt! Please! I don’t want to be the cat lady! Please don’t do this!” Okay, listen. For your own good, young woman of God, please listen to me. They can’t do it if you don’t let them. Just go, “What are your intentions?”

“Well, Matt, that’s going to make them run away!” Sometimes it’s good for a brother to run away! Listen, please! I know we’re giggling here, but young women, if they have no intentions, then why not find out early? If they’re the type of young men who have not thought at all about the sacrifices necessary to love you, walk with you, encourage you in your walk with Jesus Christ, and lay down their life for you, then find out early.

Then if you go, “What are your intentions?” and the guy goes, “Man, I just want to get to know you better. I want to watch you flourish in your relationship with the Lord, and I want to see where this goes,” then go out in a group until he asks you to marry you. That’s probably a little strong, but I’ll keep it there. I’d rather be too strong than too light in this dysfunctional environment we’re in.

Seriously. I mean, I watch young men do this all the time. God help me, when I was a young man, I acted like this. Then you just kind of wreak havoc on a young woman’s soul, a daughter of God’s soul, and to placate your own insecurity, you would damage a daughter of the King. And girls, stop it. Don’t let them. “Matt, remember the cat thing.” Listen to me. I’ve said this so many times. I’m going to keep saying it.

Your loneliness now is monumentally better than your loneliness with a man in the house who has no intention of loving and serving you like Christ loved the church, no intention of pouring himself out for you and the lives and souls of your children. Just wait. I’m pounding on these young dudes, all right? I mock them all the time. I’m trying to motivate them to quit being boys who can shave and grow up, but you have to wait. You have to call them. You can help me help them by just calling them on it, man.

I just love stories where a dude is pursuing a young woman, and they’re like, “You know what? What are your intentions?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Well, go on then, and when you grow up and become a man of God, come back and see me, and maybe we can talk.”

You don’t think that will rock that dude? You don’t think he’ll just go start reading his Bible? You know? “Okay, honey. Let me see what I can do here, all right?” So you can help the process of sanctification by being a woman of God who says, “Christ is enough for me, and Christ does satisfy me. Sure, I’ll have these longings, and he who finds a wife finds what is good, and marriage is a good thing, but it’s not an ultimate thing.”

Jesus is enough. Trust him when he says that. “That means I’ll be an old maid.” If you end up being an old maid with a bunch of cats, the presence of God will sustain you to glory. It’s still better. This is one of the ways being just about you plays itself out.

 - Matt Chandler

https://www.tvcresources.net/resource-library/sermons/the-counterintuitive-life