Why

Simplistic living isn't about self control, but about limiting the desires in your heart.

If you know me, if I wanted something, I will buy it no questions asked (think Tamiya cars, my djembe, or even Christian books). But I spend the least among my friends, and probably accumulated the least of "stuff" as well. I've just decided that there aren't really much I want or need in life.

That actually probably has to do with my upbringing. My family growing up was really poor, and so I had to learn that I couldn't have everything. And then the Christian mentality of seeking first the Kingdom of God and not the world kicked in sometime in college.

In very brief moments, I wish that I were richer. That I knew how to dress better and had a better selection of classy and high end clothes (with a body to match them). I wish I more hobbies, or just a respectable hobby (I guess anime, melee, theology, liking animals, and Tamiya cars don't count). Seriously, this summer all I do after coming home from lab is watch smash videos and sermons on youtube. In the words of Matt Chandler, making theology/doctrine a hobby is the lamest hobby you can have. I could be attempting to lose weight (trying...still sore) and reading Words of Radiance (the book that hit the maximum page limit for its publisher).

I wish I drove a better car (though I get many compliments on how clean it is), was alcohol savvy (know my wines and could drink beer so I can actually talk to the ChemE phD students), knew how to style my hair better, was skinner and didn't have a severe underbite so I can't actually have a toothed smile, and wish I had talents in music or singing or video gaming or sports or dancing or photography (all Asians have at least one of these under his or her belt...except me). Actually I really wish I was a better writer, to be able to write short stories and a novel someday. I wish I had a clear cut future in front of me. These are all things my Christians friends all have or desire.

Note: Prosperity Gospel is health, wealth, and worldly happiness. Basically anti-Jesus in a nutshell.

I know none of those things matter. Jesus told us not to pursue any of them. Yet in moments of weakness and temptation (like this one) I wished I had even a speck of those things. Even more I wished that the girls I'm interested in didn't seek these things in their future husband (or just their future boyfriend).

God why do I feel so outclassed?

Sometimes I'm just tired of arguing with my brothers and sisters in Christ that worldly ambition and pursuit are not compatible with the Kingdom (there are ways to make these ambitions Godly ones though).

Sometimes I'm just tired of watching my sisters choose guys who cannot lead them spiritually. I'm saying this for both myself and for all other Godly guys out there who continuously seek God first and try to prepare for a covenant marriage, where they will do their best to emulate how Jesus loved the church.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't passed over because I lacked any of the aforementioned traits or talents by people I want to form a relationship with, both platonic or romantic.

Man I really wish I wasn't such a boring person who isn't passionate about anything but God, and for some reason I'm told everyday that it isn't enough.

P.S. Whoever I marry will really need to be someone who doesn't wish for a grand living or effluent lifestyle. I really am not someone who can give that or have the heart to desire that. I'm sorry.

P.P.S. God is enough. Let this rant/compliant turn into a sincere desire for prayer. I want to live a life where I no longer have to complain.

Many times we think someone is ranting, but they’re actually speaking with conviction: and everyone has just forgotten the sound of real passion.  We’re so afraid of absolutes and a strong gut and digging in your heels, that we dismiss the powerful voice of a lonely fighter.  Listen for quiet strength, for humble confidence.  It’s not often someone will stand for what is right, what is true, what is pure.  More often we’re afraid to admit we’re afraid, because the truth is so blinding in a dark world.
— J

I just realized...

At Washu, I spent most of my time discussing, debating, sharing, and living out the faith with atheists, seekers, or new Christians.

At CMU, I spend most of my time discussing, debating, sharing, and living out the faith with strong and/or long-term Christians.

Is there anything wrong with either picture?

Is this what God wants me (specifically) to be doing?

Can we have the best of both worlds?

I just posted another "college" photo album on facebook today. It has been a while since my last one. It is surprising that I used to take at least half of all the photos for two fellowships in the years I was part of them, yet now I am extremely hesitant to take a single photo or upload any (or allow myself to be taken...but actually the photographers know I'm un-photogenic so they avoid me anyways).

I look back on those old fellowship photos. They really have no meaning anymore, for me or the other photo residents. Past souls trapped in frame, lost forever. Meaningless (maybe not...I am hesitant to delete them in case God still has a purpose for them).

I will do my best to not let the newest one fall into the same fate.

CMU 2013-2014

My first year at CMU and graduate school.

I've learned a lot. Both from my fellow graduate students and the undergraduate fellowship.

I've also grew a lot. Especially for one year. I've learned more about God's sovereignty and grace than I ever have. I've also learned to accept and relate to other people's view of the Gospel more. I truly believe there is something I can learn from Pentecostals and charismatics. I can also learn from Calvinists/Reformed. There is something to be gained from Methodists, Lutherans, Baptists, and other evangelicals. I've already learned a lot from my hyper-conservative home church. I also enjoy listening to the Love the Roman Catholics have for God. All of these people are my brothers and sisters, and I will love them all dearly regardless of differences in doctrine. It should be a joy to listen to other people's personal stories and how their experiences shape their view of The Cross and God's Love.

This year and every following year I will continue to grow a little more in my understanding of God's Love for me and confess that God is enough for me. My goal is to continue to encourage others in the Spirit gently. Maybe I could be more firm and direct, but I think God is calling me right now to be more passive, to listen more, and to watch carefully how God is shaping other lives. There is no need for me to rush in and force extortion down people's throats. That never helps. The truth must always be spoken in gentleness and kindness, with the heart-felt intent to lift the brother or sister up from their brokenness and sin.

The continuation of growth, that every day brings you a little closer to God and the understanding of God's sovereignty and love. That is something to be excited about, that tomorrow God will reveal a little bit more of Himself to me, and this will never stop until the day I die and enter heaven.

I know I have a lot of experience. I have seen a lifetime worth of good and bad things in multiple fellowships and multiple environments. I have delved into the depths of theology and come out a more spiritually prideful person. This year I have learned to set these aside and just enjoy the grace God has provided. I have watched many undergrads grow, most of them way more spiritually mature than I was at their age (or even when I graduated). In almost all cases, they have taught me more about the Gospel and challenged my faith more than I have them. There is a joy to just watch how God is working in people's lives.

At the graduation dinner, I was a little jealous (but also extremely happy for everyone). I bitterly boycotted my own senior night. The night before graduation people told me that I was never part of the community. "This is how the world is" they told me. I thought Christians were all about being set apart from the world and loving each other as brothers and sisters. It was almost like the fellowship I had so hard to fit into has finally and completely rejected me. Just imagine if your last memory of fellowship before graduation was being told you never had community and never was accepted, instead of jamming together with fellowship and really enjoying God together.

I have heard and personally listened to many atheist's backstories and how they were similar to this, mostly how fellowships treated them in high school. Most of the strongest anti-Christians were born this way. I wonder if God hadn't had a strong hold on me, I would have become one of these people. Abandoned by fellowship. Abandoned by church. That being said I do not think I was any better during my senior year, and not a day goes by without me regretting my actions. But God has forgiven me, so I have and will continue to forgive my debtors and ask for forgiveness from those who seek it. We were all very broken people, created by the circumstances shoved upon us and the brokenness afflicted upon us by those who care before. It is time we break the chain of bitterness and forsakenness, and rely on God's strength in us instead of our idols or our pride. We need to learn to utilize God's unconditional love to encourage and care for our brothers and sisters. That is my prayer for my past fellowships.

Nevertheless, I am truly blessed to find such a God-fearing fellowship that tries its hardest to challenge each other's faith and love one another in a Acts 2 kind of way. It is truly God's gift to me, after I accepted that God alone is enough, to show me what real fellowship looks like. You could hear it in the sharing, both by the graduates and their parents. I also learned in Vision School why in Luke 10 Jesus sent the disciples out two by two. Just read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. We are stronger when we are together. We are called to work and mission together. That is why we are called the Body, with different spiritual gifts and callings, but functioning and working as one for a common goal. To live. To disciple. To glorify God. (My physiology teacher would love this analogy..."multiple unique systems working in sync for growth and development of the human body"). How can anyone love another if they are isolated all by themselves?

All relationships are missional. I believe this one was also from Vision School, a play on missionary dating. The people you meet are people God specifically and completely intentionally set before you (in a predestined fashion if you are a Calvinist...hat off to Elder Gordon). As Tim Keller once said, we are to "honor one another, serve one another, offer hospitality to one another, encourage one another, accept one another, bear with one another, admonish one another, teach one another, and Love one another." That is what friendship is about. That is what being brothers and sisters in Christ is about.

God works in mysterious ways. He also grants overflowing blessings to those who totally don't deserve it. Okay, we all don't deserve salvation, but I totally do not deserve a second chance for fellowship. Not at the undergraduate level anyways. Who would have known that going to a game night to play smash bros. would land me in one of the most wonderful fellowships I have ever been a part of. God knew. I want to thank all my brothers and sisters here and in the places past for praying for me, walking with me, challenging me, rebuking me, encouraging me, and picking me up and showing me God when the light in me has all but gone out.

I want to congratulate all the graduates of 2014, may you all find new community where God has placed you to grow and mission, and that you never ever forget the memories and friendships made in college. To me, coming together and just singing out hearts out as a fellowship, that is what heaven is going to be like. Taste of Heaven. Mmmmmmmm.

Peace be to you.

Today I got bit by a spider while eating dinner.

I went through 4 stages.
First was the intense stinging and redness of the site of the bite.
Then was the tingling of my entire hand and up my arm.
After that was the feeling of faintness and anxiety.
Lastly was the "wow that was kind of new, and kind of cool" feeling.

http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/

It turns out that Hollywood has grief and loss all wrong. The waves and spikes don’t arrive predictably in time or severity. It’s not an anniversary that brings the loss to mind, or someone else’s reminiscences, nor being in a restaurant where you once were together. It’s in the grocery aisle passing the romaine lettuce and recalling how your spouse learned to make Caesar salad, with garlic-soaked croutons, because it was the only salad you’d agree to eat. Or when you glance at a rerun in an airport departure lounge and it’s one of the episodes that aired in the midst of a winter afternoon years earlier, an afternoon that you two had passed together. Or on the rise of a full moon, because your wife, from the day you met her, used to quote from The Sheltering Sky about how few you actually see in your entire life. It’s not sobbing, collapsing, moaning grief. It’s phantom-limb pain. It aches, it throbs, there’s nothing there, and yet you never want it to go away.

A bit emo, but this is reality. This is something everyone must face one day, including me (unless we die first). Death will come, but to have Hope is how you make it through each day after.

The King and Lionheart

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion."
“Ooh!” said Susan. “I thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”
“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
 
“Are you not thirsty?” said the Lion.
“I am dying of thirst,” said Jill.
“Then drink,” said the Lion.
“May I — could I — would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill.
The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.
The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.
“Will you promise not to — do anything to me, if I do come?” said Jill.
“I make no promise,” said the Lion.
Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.
“Do you eat girls?” she said.
“I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,” said the Lion. It didn’t say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.
“I daren’t come and drink,” said Jill.
“Then you will die of thirst,” said the Lion.
“Oh dear!” said Jill, coming another step nearer. “I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.”
“There is no other stream,” said the Lion.”

Spiritual Warfare

"The devil always sends errors into the world in pairs of opposites... He relies on your dislike of one to draw you into the opposite one." - C.S. Lewis

In context C.S. Lewis was talking about Individualism and Totalitarianism, but it can applied this way too (though many of C.S. Lewis's quotes are taken out of context, especially on social media).

The Devil's greatest trick is to convince the world he does not exist (Charles Baudelaire). Think about it. If Satan were to appear in public, say Times Square in a Loki-esque fashion, and announce to the world that he is evil and everyone should worship him, that would be the fastest way to send people to Heaven. Honestly it would be faster than if Jesus were to (re)appear (prior to the 2nd coming revealed in all His glory, Philippians 2, Revelations 1:7), because we see in the Bible how that turned out, miracles and all. That is why he and other demons do not make their presence known (though it is a possibility they still directly afflict people in cultures where the supernatural is more widely accepted, read Christian history).

The Devil uses pain and pleasure to lead us away from the Gospel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA3HDlM-FcY (12:55 mark)

In places explicitly hostile to the Gospel, the Devil uses pain to deter seekers into not trusting in Jesus. Think about it. In those places when you believe, you can no longer get a job. You can no longer get married. You are disowned by your family. You are ostracized in the community. You are persecuted to the point of death by the government and religious extremists. So the physical risk is higher. The lost of lifelong dreams is greater (who doesn't want to get married right?).

But God teaches through pain also. Through our deepest pain we learn how to call upon God and rely on Him. Contrary to the popular saying "God helps those who helps themselves" (which is actually found in the Quran), the reality is that God helps those who realize they cannot help themselves. We can find God through suffering.

Historically the Devil has used what we would think as the most blissful situations in his favor. In the early church, when the Roman Empire persecuted Christians reverently, the global church actually exploded in number under this pressure. But when the Romans finally adopted Christianity and made it their official religion, you see a huge stagnancy within the Church that lasted quite a while. Why did this happen? Because when you are persecuted, the testing of your faith will prove it to be genuine, and the world will see (1 Peter 1:7,2:12).

"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth of falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?” - C.S. Lewis

Now in modern times, you also see this stagnancy arising in places where Christianity is the predominant religion. You see Christians indulging in worldly ways and convince themselves they are blessed because they are not suffering. You see Christians setting up idols for themselves and not calling them idols. The nations considered most "strongly Christian," such as South Korea and the United States, are counted as countries heavily steeped in materialism, physicalism, and idolatry of prosperity. (There is still persecution in these nations, just of a difference sense. Also not bashing on these countries. They are the forerunners in mission and faith, and that is something to be praised.)

"Prosperity knits a man to the world. He feels that he is finding his place in it, while really it is finding its place in him" - C.S. Lewis

Here we see how the Devil uses pleasure to lead us away from God. Not saying God doesn't use pleasure and prosperity to bless us. He does (see Job 42, the life of Abraham or Joseph). But these forefathers did not seek pleasure and idols. They sought only God and walked by faith (Hebrews 11, James 5:11, Galatians 3:9, Stephen's speech). We just need to Abide in Him (John 15:4-5).

Satan's stronghold in the East may be built upon pain, but his plan in the West is to wreck our lives through pleasure and comfort. We forget that God has given Satan dominion over the world (1 John 5:19, Matt 4:8, Ephesians 2:2, John 12:31). Note that the world doesn't include believers (Colossians 1:13, John 17:14, John 15:19).

"I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity." - C.S. Lewis
“And all the time the joke is that the word 'Mine' in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either Our Father or the Enemy will say 'Mine' of each thing that exists, and specially of each man. They will find out in the end, never fear, to whom their time, their souls, and their bodies really belong-certainly not to them, whatever happens.” - C.S. Lewis

Both God and the Devil are engaged in a tug of war for our hearts. God uses both pain and pleasure to challenge and cultivate us, but we must not allow the Devil to manipulate these and convincing us to blame or forget God. 

"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis

From VS:

If you dwell in Him, you will become like Him.
Do not suffer for your sin.
Do not suffer to hear God, to love Him, or to become like Him.
We say we do it out of Love, but do we even have Love?
That is why we just obey and believe in Jesus. Everything else will come naturally.

Trust and obey, there is no other way. - John H. Sammis

do i have a crush on you or am i just lonely

do i like you or do i like that you like me

do I like you or do I like the idea of you

do i want to be in a relationship or do i just want to prove that i’m worthy of one

are you flirting with me, or can i just not recognize when people are being nice to me

"The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go God's love for us does not" 
- C.S. Lewis

some days...I just wanted to be treated as a human, as a brother in Christ

instead of being discriminated against

instead of being judged by the world's standards
instead of being considered a body, not a soul or heart

As C.S. Lewis puts it we are a soul, not a body

yet why do people, especially brothers and sisters in Christ, measure us by our bodies
aren't we called not to give into our flesh?  

1 John 2:15-16

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.

John 15:19

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

James 2:1-4

My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Notes

"Intimacy without commitment is adultery." - DWhang

To have proper intimacy with God, we need to be obedient. That means to pray, to read the Word, to make disciples, and to love one another (4 pillars:prayer, scripture, evangelism, community). Our whole life is a continuous act of worship. Intimacy will naturally come following the changes in our heart.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. (John 14:23)

We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did. (1 John 2:3-6)

This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. ³ In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. (1 John 5:2-3)

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. (2 John 1:6)

"God doesn't use people who are ready. He uses people who are obedient." - DWhang

No other religion has a god who meets them where they are. In other religions we have to work our way up to that god. But for us, God comes and meets us where we are. That is why we have testimonies.

He came to us.
He initiates.
He loves us.
He died for us.

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Did you think you were here to kill time listening to Christian music until you go to Heaven? We’ve got work to do.” -Mark Driscoll

What I've been saying since 2009...about time people realize this.

At All Campus Worship today, the pastor from Amo's church spoke about how the Kingdom of God is not heaven, but the revealing of God's glory to everyone here on earth (Matthew 6, the Lord's Prayer). Though we should keep our eyes pointed to heaven, there is still a Great Commission (Matthew 28) we are to do here and now.

Like Urbana 2012, there is going to be a feast and we have been called by our master to invite everyone to the party.

Yet another personality test

For some reason I immediately thought it looked like Repede as a puppy.

Preaching the Cross

Preaching the Cross (십자가의 전달자 번역)  Lyrics

I'm the lowest of the low

wretched sinner I am

So unworthy, but You called me

With my faith and hope in You

I will not be ashamed

You have called me to, preach the cross

Where You send me I will go

If it's for You, my Lord

For I will always, proclaim the cross

Till the fragrance of your blood

covers all of the Earth,

I will preach,

I will bear the cross

If I live, I live for you

If I die, I die for you

I belong to you

In life or death

By the power of the cross

By the hope of the cross

Jesus Christ alone, Will live in me

난 지극히 작은 자 죄인 중에 괴수
무익한 날 부르셔서
간절한 기대와 소망 부끄럽지 않게
십자가 전케 하셨네

어디든지 가리라 주 위해 서라면
나는 전하리 그 십자가
내 몸에 벤 십자가 그 보혈의 향기
온 세상 채울 때까지
살아도 주를 위해 죽어도 주를 위해
사나 죽으나 난 주의 것
십자가의 능력 십자가의 소망
내 안에 주만 사시는 것

난 지극히 작은 자 죄인 중에 괴수
무익한 날 부르셔서
간절한 기대와 소망 부끄럽지 않게
십자가 전케 하셨네
내 사랑 나의 십자가 

 

“There are friendships I’ve mourned over where too much history got in the way. There were too many harsh words and broken promises and silent disagreements, and it rotted to an impatient grave. But there are others where we traveled the jagged road of reconciliation, mending wounds and untying knots and covering with grace: and on the other end of this is an ocean-deep intimacy of perseverance that couldn’t be reached any other way. We had to wrestle with the ugly parts of our nature. Demons were exposed. Secrets were spilled. Yet there is a joy in this sort of enduring friendship that goes the long distance; there’s a crazy sort of laughter with a lifelong friend that is colored by the weight of heels digging into the ground, a love that says, ‘I’m staying.’ We see it in the cross, and we can have it now, even in a world such as this.”

—

J.S.

Can we objectify God?

I came up with this question in the shower today (oh how I love the ambience of falling water against the bathtub).

I am a researcher. I research nanoparticles, neuroscience, cancer, Celiac disease etc. I read papers and test theories. Everything turns out to be very methodical and evidence based.

I realize I also research people, more like an observer with a (lab) notebook recording things about people. I am always watching and listening to people, secretly hoping that at some point I will be able to help them in some way in making their way through life. (It’s prideful I know, as if I can do anything). Like in my research, I am an extensive planner but not a good doer. You can see this in my leadership style and how I approach fellowship. Almost all of my interactions with people are meticulously planned. I am not good at just “going with the flow,” unless you are stranger whom I feel no obligation to build a long-term relationship with. It also turns out that those people are the ones I end up having the best initial interactions with, without expectations and full of unadulterated laughter. That is something I have learned over the years, to let go my planning and researching, and just take initiative and let the situation spontaneously unfold. I’ve seen more fruit that way. Many of the best scientific discoveries have also been made that way.

Don’t we all tend to research people as well? We look for people with traits we like, whom we can “pursue a research direction” with. We objectify people when we focus on their traits and not their hearts. We care about their looks, whether they are good at basketball, can play guitar, or how well sing, which medical school they are attending, or even how well they teach. We judge people by their pasts. We judge people’s worth by what they can do, especially what they can do for us, whether it be resources, attention, or just happiness. We hold people to a worldly standard, not realizing that underneath it all is a person so wholly broken and depraved that it is only though the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ that they are redeemed. In all of this, if we don’t look at people through heaven’s eyes, we miss the heart that God cups dearly in His hands. Who are we to question the people God leads into our lives?

Sometimes I realize I also research God, objectify Him in a way. I read theology books and Christian-based articles. I collect quotes from famous theologians and evangelists. I compile verses from the Bible into themes, and I ask many “hows and whys” about the things I see in the Bible and in the modern Christian sphere. I approach God with theology and biblical reason, but forget to pray and ask for intimacy and joy.

Prayer, perhaps more than anything else, is a true test of Christian’s devotion and intimacy with God. Its presence in Christian’s life says it all. Its absence is the evidence of merely theoretical framework of faith. - James M. Houston on C.S. Lewis’ prayer life

But God is more than that. God intends us to have a intimate relationship with Him. We cannot fathom the entirety of God, no matter how much we try. But we don’t need to. One day we will stand in front of Him, all of His glory revealed to us and we will fall down before Him in Love, but today we just need to trust and obey. “Follow me.”

At my funeral, I do not want people to say, "he was a good person." But I do hope they one day say, "he was a man sought after God's own heart."

Maybe they will throw in "he loved his wife as Christ loved the church" as a side note too.

Many night’s we’ve prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood,
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains
long before we knew we could

(chorus)

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proved in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I’m standing here
With heart so full I can’t explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I’d say

(chorus)

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

A-shir-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-ah
(I will sing to the lord for he has triumphed gloriously)
A-shir-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-ah
(I will sing to the lord for he has triumphed gloriously)
Mi-cha-mo-cha ba-elim adona
(Who is like You, oh Lord, among the celestial)
Mi-ka-mo-cha ne-dar-ba-ko-desh
(Who is like You, majestic in holiness)
Na-chi-tah v’-chas-d’-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your Love, You lead the people You redeemed)
Na-chi-tah v’-chas-d’-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your Love, You lead the people You redeemed)
A-shi-ra, a-shi-ra, A-shi-ra