To Mother by Yui. Relay for Life!

To Mother - YUI (english Subbed)

Because you told me
Teary voiced looking away

That if you couldn’t even lie anymore
Living on would not be possible

Since you wanted to be loved
You kept on laughing
Through any hardship

Sadness is something
I could endure
If I were alone

Kindness is so
Cruel, Isn’t it?

Even your heart
Becomes confused

I want (us) to be together forever but
Things I don’t like about you seem to
Increase by each passing day

We’re like-minded, aren’t we?
I feel like I understand

I have someone I can love now
If that day were ever to come
I wonder if I could change

Happiness is…
Although it doesn’t
Shine like magic

Isn’t hatred
Just a slight misunderstanding?
Please don’t cry

Mere fate
Is something you can change
Crying into the night as I ran from the house

And in that secluded park bench
I waited for you to come pick me up

Sadness is a thing
If snuggled together,
A thing of great warmth

Kindness is
If it’s close to you
Its taken advantage of

Hey…
I’m happy
Probably
Because

I had you

With me

Borrowing this from Mahhh: Coming Home Again

SMS (Shine)

I listened to this profusely when I was sad. Now I listen to it diligently when I am happy. The message is clear, and the stats are crazy.

"Take a look at David Crowder’s brand new single, “[SMS] Shine”! This amazing video was created with a LiteBrite and 1 million pegs. Everything you see in the video actually happened – NO computer generated graphics or effects! Even details such as the piano playing in the background and the monkeys beating a drum in perfect time was done free of digital affects and computer animation. It took 2,150 man hours, 1,200 LITE-BRITE images, 83 friends and 148 pizzas to complete the video."

It took me 60 (yes 60) views to realize that the girl dies in the music video.
It took me 3 months of watching it daily to realize that there was a piano playing by itself in the back.
I think the 3 drummers are pretty darn cute.
I want a lite brite now.

But it is not all about the statistics, nor the lyrics, nor the musicality. Its about how I see God and feel his love when I listen to the song and watch the video.

SMS [Shine] MV by David Crowder Band

Revelation 5:10-12

You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.” Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying: “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!”

2 Kings 6:16-18

“Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

(I don't know about you, but I want to be able to hear and see angels like that)

(Verse 1)
Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Throw me a line
Cause I am listening
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me to light
Cause I am fading
Surround me with the rush of angels wings

(Chorus 1)
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart thats overcome?

(Verse 2)
You sent a sign
The hint, a whisper
Human, divine
Heaven is listening
Death laid low
Quiet and in the night a stirring
All around the rush of angels

(Bridge)
O the wonder of the greatest love has come

(Chorus 2)
Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

Bro-Sis

So...I got found out in 3 different ways by thursday (friend guessed from my gifts, got caught making a gift with her name on top, and attempting to run away when delivering a gift) but its all good!

I got to know my sister better, and hopefully this will continue after bro-sis. I was able to appreciate her and work my BUTT off to show how much I care. It really reminds me of two years ago. I see a lot of similarities. And it also reveals how much I care for both fringe people and international students.

Need to outdo myself! Last year, cat tree? This year CASTLE!!!

I WILL make a CASTLE and learn how to PAINT SUUUUUUPERBLY!!! Just you wait!!!

New talent found...PAINTING! Now I need to learn how to paint at a relatively decent pace...a box shouldn't take 4 hours.

Sigh..."Daniel, you should have just pretended you were delivering it, but I know you are too nice to lie." - Tina

Edit: Okay...the castle was unrealistic w/ the veritas meeting and career fair, so BAKING! Not my forte, but this recipe deserves to be tried out:
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/chocolate-puddle-cookies-recipe.html

Why do these cookies require no flour or oil...mind is blown.

Psalm 98

A psalm.

¹ Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.

² The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

³ He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

⁴ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

⁵ make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

⁶ with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.

⁷ Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy; ⁹ let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

Theme of the week...HEDGEHOGS!!!

The Boy and his Dog

A boy, about eight years old, walked into a general store. The front of the store hung a sign that said "Puppies for sale." The boy asked the owner, "may I have a puppy?" The owner gestures to the back room, where about eight puppies were kept in a pen. "Choose whichever one you like." The boy went into the back room and looked at the puppies (for some reason, I imagined them as Yorkshire terriers). The puppies peered up and hung their little paws on the side of the pen, where they excitedly wagged their tails and eagerly yelped for attention. The boy picked each one up one at a time and inspected them.

The little boy smiled, for he had found his puppy. Taking this puppy in his two hands, he cradled the puppy up to the front. "This one will be my puppy. How much is he?" the little boy asked. The owner replied, "Fifty dollars." The boy's face fell. "All I have is five dollars, sir." The manager frowned, "I'm sorry boy, but there is nothing I can do about it. They cost fifty-dollars each. If you don't have the money, would you please put the puppy back?" The boy, looking crestfallen, put his puppy back into the pen. He then went up to the owner, "I will be back for him. That puppy is my puppy." The owner shook his head, "I'm sorry boy, I cannot hold onto this puppy for you, and they go fast. I'm afraid, by the time you come back, he will already be gone." The boy smiled and said, "No, he will still be here, because he is my puppy."

For the next few days, the boy did everything he could to earn money. He went around the neighborhood and did many tasks: he mowed lawns, moved tree branches, took out trash, and ran errands. Soon enough, the boy had fifty dollars. He returned to the general store, and set the wad of cash onto the counter. "I have fifty dollars sir, can I go get my puppy now?" The owner looked up from his chair behind the counter, and sighed. "I only have three of the puppies left, and unfortunately these are the ones which are less desirable. You can still go check and see, but I highly doubt your puppy will still be among them." The boy went back and checked on the last three puppies. Indeed, the ones left were the ones that were the runts of the litter, or had irregularly patterned coats that looked displeasing. The boy reached down and picked one of them. He ran back to the front and showed the owner the puppy. "This is the one I wanted. This is my puppy."

But as the boy turned to leave the store, the owner called out to the boy. "Hey! You don't want that puppy. If you look closely, you'll will see that one of his back legs is retracted. He was born with a hip injury, and will never be able to walk or run like a normal dog." The boy stopped and frowned. "But this is my puppy." He continued towards the door. The owner continue to protest saying, "Hey boy, you will never be able to play fetch or frisbee with him. Take him back and choose one of the other puppies. They will make a much better pet than a lame dog." But the boy turned around and just gave a huge smile and continue to walk out the door. The owner stood up and was about to protest one last time, but he noticed something that he hadn't noticed before. He realized that the boy moved much slower than a normal person. Sticking from underneath the pants was the lower half of a brace. The boy was a cripple. The owner just stared at the boy walking down the street with a puppy cupped in his arms, and finally sat to contemplate what he just experienced. Then he chuckled at himself and continued on with his tasks.

(credit of the story goes to elder Brian Burkey, expanded by me)

As you learned from the story, it takes one who has suffered the same fate to truly understand another experiencing the same tragedy, whether its divorce, a death in the family, or cancer. For the rest of us, we will never understand the bearer of the suffering and pain. Sometimes we believe them to be exaggerating, that no pain can be "that bad", and that life will continue. Even more often we are afraid that we can offer no help to our friends who are hurting. Henry Nouwen once said,

"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

We do not have to understand their pain to be a steadfast shoulder for them to lean on. Be open, be honest, be genuine when you listen, and never abandon them to their fears and physical or psychological pain.

The story of the boy and his puppy is another analogy of how God truly cares for us. Not only does he love us so much that no matter what we do, we will never lose his love, but he was willing to experience everything we experience, including the suffering, temptations, loneliness, and even death. He fully understands what we say when we complain to him, and he also pains on the inside.

For me, I have experienced the hurt and abandonment of Christians in my past. I honestly say that those who have hurt me the most are Christian. I got to watch my parents cry and blame themselves for all the suffering I had to endure due to lack of community. It is a painful sight. I don't blame them. Life isn't easy when money dictates society. Life isnt' easy when there are worldly expectations on class and looks. Life isn't easy when there is cancer. Life isn't easy when people are selfish. Life isn't easy when hearts are very fragile. I love my parents so much for what they did for me, for what they sacrificed for me, for loving me so much and accepting me, and I will always love them.

So when I see others who are being ignored, their cries of help unanswered, or paralyzed in the grasp of torturous pain, my heart breaks for them. When there are people being left out of the community, I will try to reach out to them. When I see fellowship failing or chasing after the wrong goals, I boil over with rage. One step is the right direction is better than running a mile in the wrong direction. (A tree that bears bad fruit cannot bear good fruit). But I realize, not everyone has suffered before the same way, and so they cannot understand. To farther this, I've been in so many experiences in college, where I have to sit on the opposite side of a person who is tearfully crying. Their pain, their situation, is beyond what I can help. All I can do is watch them cry as their world breaks around them. I feel powerless. But, as mentioned above, all I can do is listen, be gentle, don't pity, and open my hand to receive some of their pain and return some of my warmth.

One thing I realized was that, if for some reason evidence appears that the God of Christianity does not exist, I personally would lose all reason to live. I might as well die immediately. The hurt I inflict to my parents and friends would mean nothing. The love and influence I would have shown the world would mean nothing. Everything will just be a human construct, and nothing has value, nothing is precious, and there will be no dream worth pursuing. I wonder how many Christians I know whose life would not change one bit if they found out Jesus doesn't exist. Would they still pursue the same goals or live life the same way?

There is really not much I can do, but to care for everyone, extend my hand of friendship to those who wish to receive it, and help those who ask for it. That is all I can do.

God is writing a KICK-ASS story. All I have to do is believe.

Analogies

There once was a man who owned a fish in a bowl. He loved the fish very much. He would sing to it, read to it, feed it the most premium fish food, and give it lots of sunshine and clean water. But the fish never showed that it recognized the love. It just kept staring and swimming aimlessly in the bowl. One night, the man had a dream. He dreamt that he changed into a fish, and entered the fish bowl. He realized now that he could communicate with the fish, so he told the fish how much he cared for it, and how wonderful it was on the outside. (Jimmy Mao thought this was brilliant; I thought this was a severe case of fish fetish at first...shows the difference in maturity level)

If you couldn't tell who this man was, it is Jesus, whom tries his hardest to show how much he loves mankind, but we give him no notice and continue on with life in our little fish bowls.

During times of unrest and discourse in other countries, the president sends his ambassadors to seek amity in these countries. When the problems escalate to a great degree, the president would send his Secretary of State or a prominent senator. If the problems become of great magnitude, affecting many people and nations, the president would send the vice-president to conciliate the situation. But, when the predicament becomes so vital that the lives of his own people and the peace of the nation are in danger, along with millions of other lives in the world, the president would go himself to subdue the problem.

This is like God, who deemed the salvation of all the people in the world so crucial, so fundamental, that he sent himself to save them.

Contrast

You got Donald Trump on the left. You have Mother Teresa on the right.

On one hand, Donald Trump is arguably one of the most successful businessman on the planet. He creates companies. He owns resorts, casinos, and tons of real estate. He has his own TV show. He builds empires. He spends his time solicitation with the world's most powerful and richest men and women. He is extremely wealthy, and has had a successful career and life.

On the other hand, you have Mother Teresa. A humble women who reaches her hand out to take in the poor and the weak. She goes to the world's most impoverished places to take care of those who suffer the most. She gives help to the helpless and hope to the hopeless.

Which of these two people would you like to be?

Though we will never know how many people Donald had to hurt, cheat, blackmail, or trample to get to his position, we would be naive to say his past is spotless. Nevertheless, he's got it all and probably never spares even a second on blemishes in his past. Mother Teresa might have done bad things in her childhood, but she embraced her calling to her death. She died probably with practically nothing in her name, just her reputation. But what a reputation that is.

Which of these two is has affected the world more?

Donald Trump influences the millions with his money, fame, and commercial empires. He is a household name in the United States and is acquainted with many other powerful figures. Mother Teresa, who is dead? Her legacy moves billions across all the continents. Her name will probably be revered forever, but Donald's will probably die off in some history book, say, 100 years later...200 years later...kind of like Rockefeller or any other businessman. We won't give a damn. But the values Mother Teresa embraces will transcend not only our generation, but many many more. And the care and blessings she gave to her patients will carry for many generations to come.

Who do you want to be now?

No one expects you to be as powerful or influential. But do have a steadfast heart in what is right. To travel one feet on the correct path is better than running many miles down the wrong one.

(Disclaimer: This is from a message given at GF spring retreat 2011, and expanded by me. the people are only examples, and I have nothing wrong with them, they just happened to be the ones used and good ones for the illustration)

Books

One day, the in the direction the future is headed, there will be no more need for books. Soon, we will all carry a storage device of some kind on our bodies that will contain tens of thousands of digital books. Whether its a tablet, a PC, a Mac, an Ipod, a cell phone, or a kindle, soon we render books obsolete and depend solely on a screen to obtain our literature needs. Books do not last...they are made of paper. Will they all end up in a landfill? Or will they become dust and dirt, to grow new trees in the future? Or will the end up in museums, or what libraries will be called in the future, and the stereotypical librarian lady will become the new curator image.

Will we miss them? Will our generation refused to bend, giving excuses that our eyes will hurt looking at a tiny screen or flipping through pages has a nostalgic feeling. Or will we come up with more practical reasons, like books make it easier to compare and sort out information. Alas, computers and programming can easily render that excuse powerless.

Well, I may be a stubborn one, but I predict that the world will move toward an age where everything is digitized, information is processed and interpreted at lightning speed, and knowledge is portable. Oh well...

Some of my favorite books as a child:

RIP Brian Jacques February 5th 2011.

Being a Senior

You know, what is nice about being a senior? As a senior, I've met seven different academic classes. That is a ton of people, you know. I have seen many great role-models and teachers enter the real world, and I have seen many underclassmen grow from being immature froshies into great leaders and genuine caretakers. That is a great feeling, you know.

Favorite Commercials

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzPzz9OLNDA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR5mZqeDNtg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnsSUqgkDwU

More to come if I can think of any...and my reflections to be added soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpYJo1WTb8k

Oh how we have matured....

There once was a time, where all my friends and I talk about on skype was video games, anime, and dota. Now, we talk about crazier things...like self-confidence, hope, stormtrooper effect, cold evangelism, girls, fellowship, community, God, family, future, sin issues, purity, commitment, and love.

Oh how we've grown.


...or not.

(the crazy one is my younger brother)

Many have asked me, "Why don't you leave ACF if you are unhappy with it?" Why don't I go to another church? Why not Grace Fellowship? Yes, I've had longer connections there, they are nice people, I love the teachings, and I love the closeness of the community and inter-class relations. So why not? Because I love ACF and the people there. No matter how much I complain about the fallacies of the people, the weaknesses of Washu's most asian group, or how lacking in the spirit the social activities are, it will always be where my heart wants to be. From what I know, those who have loved ACF the most and contributed and cared the most in the past have all been people who cannot say one positive word about it. But I don't want to be the guy who is all negative, but the guy who truly wants ACF to grow and prosper and show why God is the best. So why do I want to stay in ACF, where I don't get the care I want, or the spiritual feeding I need? I really don't know...love? The same reason why God loves me, though I fail him daily and do all the things he hates.

Don't think that I see things negatively in ACF is because I hate ACF. I love it, that's why I try to spend all my time in it, trying to help and care for the people I meet there. If I really didn't care, I would have hightailed it out of there the very first chance I got and never speak of it to anyone. You worry and complain about the things you love and cherish the most.

To remind myself what True Relationships are.

ADD

Sometimes I think I have ADD (not just the onset of temporary symptoms during finals week). I pace a lot, and can never sit still in one spot. During movies, I always have the urge to get up and stop mid-movie. This is the same for TV shows. Unless it is really engaging, or I'm watching with others, I cannot watch more than 1/2 to 1 episodes at a time. I used to be able to sit and read a good novel through in one sitting, but now I find it takes me much much longer, where I would finish a chapter and then find a good spot on the sofa to contemplate what I just read, and maybe daydream about being in the story for a bit. Even sleeping sometimes gets interrupted because my mind cannot relax and must be thinking on some random topic or another (rage at insomnia...).

When I was little, I was a super hyper kid, and my parents and my montessori teachers had me diagnosed by doctors for ADD. But they all came to the same conclusion: "A pre-schooler who can sit, unmoving, for 4 hours watching baby chicks can not possibly have ADD."

So much for GRE studying...

Edit: Just realized. Now I know where my attraction to cute things and animals comes from.

Edit: This reminds me of the time where I stood watching toy trains travel on the train tracks at Crown Center in downtown Kansas City. My parents kept on moving, but I remained behind. Soon they realized that their son was missing, and were frantically searching. They looked everywhere, but couldn't find me. Later, they started backtracking, and went back to the 2nd (3rd?) floor, in the hallways of stores. There they found me, still unmoving, just staring in awe of the miniature choo-choo trains puffing their tiny smoke, making their little tooting sounds, oblivious to my surroundings. This was the one and only time they lost me, and one of their scariest moments in their lives.

Cephalo-Video

What if people had video cameras taped on top of their heads? This would solve many problems people have in life. Communication would so much easier. Promise won't be forgotten. Discussions can be kept going. No one will be able to say they forgot anything, because they can always go back in time to review the words that came out of people's mouths. Arguments can be kept to the minimum. Every small benevolent gesture and act of kindness will be revealed unadulterated (like in Wall-E for EVE). Relationship will stay longer and healthier, or this will make breakups more rational because of the direction of people's lives. Studying will be easier too. Orgo lectures, seminars, and notes can all be reviewed at anytime, and studying is only for critical-thinking problems.

Obviously in the future, this will actually be implantable recording devices in the eye or someplace, with portable storing devices in the head to be accessed later. Basically this will give everyone in the world photographic memory. This isn't a bad thing right?

Premise for a new sci-fi movie.

Memories

This blog is full of memories.

In all retrospect, it is a collection of memories conceived into prose or imagery, delivered by a existence that demands pitifully to be remembered and acknowledged.

What do memories entitle? They bore a perforation into the past, linking feelings, emotions, facts, to the present.

What are the dangers? To live in the past can corrupt the present and future. To drown oneself in the past means to overlook the events happening in real-time, to ignore the needs and attention of the daily life, to not live to the fullest. To live in the past is to not be living now.

What are the benefits? Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Memories, if used in a positive light, solidify relationships, bring people closer, tear down boundaries, eliminate barriers surrounding the hearts of men, and magnify the warmth that exists in hearts and the surroundings of life.

Over the years, I was shown over and over again that memories I share with people amount next to nothing. The laughter, the feet walking on the same path together, once the mirth is out of earshot, everything is forgotten, and once the feet diverge, they never come back. What does it mean to be best friends forever? Once you are in a new place, isn't it human instinct to leave it all behind and start anew?

When old people hold hands in the park, basking in the warmth of the sunlight and listening to the songbirds sing, they remember the good times don't they? There is love. They remember all the sticky situations they went through together, but also the times where there was peace and wonder in the relationship. They put value in the good times, and consider the bad times as frivolous.

I wish that I can focus on the positiveness of my past and supplement my now with the jubilant energies found in my memories. I want to be able to tell the people I with now, "Hey, don't you remember all the good times we've had together? The last year. The last 2 years. The last 10 years. The last 21 years of our lives! Remember when you cared for me, and I cared for you. Remember how we enjoyed each others company. Please don't let it end."

I myself need to learn that too. More than once, I declared memory bankruptcy, refusing to acknowledge any lasting feelings from a time long past, until someone puts me on the spot and says, "How can you say we didn't have fun that day. How can you say its all a lie? What do you think we are, rocks on the road? Let us grow closer to you, hold you up, support you, and love you."

Home, as defined by Tim Keller, is a place that holds nostalgic value. It will be a place with figurative walls lined with memories. Everyone longs to be home. Everyone desires to reach that destination where they feel most safe, most welcome, most happy. But, maybe once we get there, we have realized that we were chasing empty thoughts and dreams, and the place we were smitten by no longer exists.

What happened to childhood? What happened to growing up together? Please don't mock memories. They are all I have of people long past, some who have found rest in the eternal home above. The memories keep me warm at night, when the darkness closes in, and the bitter cold licks my skin and pierces my body. Memories contain Love, just as much as everything now.

Elimination of memories, as shown many times in movies and literature, removes the essence of self. Name, culture, personality, experience, and faith all disappear in a puff of smoke. What is left is an empty shell, a slimmer of a former self. Ready to be filled with new memories. Is that what a human being is? A conglomeration of memories?

I don't really know where I was going with this post, but I just want to remember and never forget. I just don't want to forget how much I am loved. And I don't want you to forget how much I love you too.

edit: You know...the most awkward moments when going through old pictures is seeing people with their ex's...mad awkward.

Yesterday I was talking to my PI about MD's. He stated that doctors usually have three type of patients: patients that they can help, patients that they cannot help, and patients who are really there because they need someone to hold their hand.

After thinking about it for a long time, I realized that if I were a doctor, of the three types of patients, I would rather have the third type of patient the most.

The Living Rug

Apparently in the Firefox browser you can see your view count for any webpage.

Right click on any page, click on "view page info", go to the security tab, and it should tell you.

Since I rebooted my computer since January 1st, I can now see my view count for my most frequently visited websites since 2011.

Facebook: 2,445 times (time to block facebook...)
Gmail: 413 times
Google: 403 times
Yahoo: 316 times
This blog: 137 times
Blogger (including this editing page): 357 times

Not available for Chrome or IE.

Rubix!!!

My brother's collection. Several key members, like the pyramid and 2x2x2, have been broken or lost...

Reminder: Never try to swim after running 3 miles AND not sleeping an entire night (roughly 18 hours of no sleep). Do I wish to drown while passing out in the water? Extension: Don't make important decisions on lack of sleep. hrm...

Fun Fact: Taiwanese people rarely eat beef. Historically valued animal, especially on an island. Found only at Mcdonalds and Burger King. The most common "beef" to be found is beef jerky, but according to insider information, that "beef" is imported from Australia, and is actually kangaroo meat. Personally I think that's awesome (though kangarooes used to be my most favorite animal).

Link is a Asian Girl

Yeah...trying something new

Does anyone see the resemblance? The boots, the belt, the leggings, the tunic-like coat? Lets face it, Link is really an asian girl with no sense of fashion taste (seriously...green?), lots of plastic surgery done to his ears and nose (why...you aren't an elf), and bleached his hair. And the hat...yeah, poor taste in hats. Didn't realize he wore chainmail until I saw this picture. Future fashion fad or 20th century fashion bust? The weapons are always in the purse.

Courtesy of Alan and Steven. The analogy was much more hilarious in the car.

A Huge Can of Worms (to Feed the Fishes)

Today, a friend asked me a few hard questions about faith. I couldn't give good enough answers for him or for myself. Then he asked me, "is it okay to be skeptical?" I told him a well tested faith is always better than a blind faith, even if it means periods of doubt. During the conversation, I realized that my time at college has been spent mostly ruminating on such questions, instead of studying. Yeah, that means, all the times I was at the library or the b-school, I wasn't doing calculus or orgo, but butting my head against questions with no concrete answer. For me, ~10 hours of studying, ~11 hours of theological research is a typical week, give or take another 10-20 hours of studying for tests.

Here are some of the questions. Trust me, most of the answers cannot be answered by man, and others have answers we cannot understand. Brace yourselves!

I GAVE YOU A FAIR WARNING!

Why does God allow suffering in the world?
If God knows everything that is going to happen, do we even have free will?
Do prayers even get answered, if he knows what we are already going to pray?
Why did God create natural disasters?
Why did God command Israelites to massacre people in the Old Testament?
Why are their prophecies with double outcomes?
Can people truly be happy in Heaven if they know their family members and friends are in Hell?
Can we really see the gospel in nature, or read it in the stars?
Is confessing our sins really enough, as in, is entering the narrow door but not walking the crooked road enough to enter the kingdom of Heaven? Why does it say, many will seek the entrance, but few will find the way?
Does cold evangelism even work? If God is all it takes to convert anyone, why are we needed?
Do angels and demons even exist? If so, do angels really have halos? Was every demon once an angel? Why are demons always so ugly?
Did the dinosaurs exist in the bible?
What does it mean, we have a body, soul, and spirit?
Are the body and soul separate or together?
What does it mean, a new heaven and new earth, where will we live then? Is there an old heaven?
Which came first, the church or the Bible, given the Catholic church compiled the Bible and determined what goes in it?
Can humans ever fully understand Love?
Can we use the Apocrypha in biblical teachings?
Was Satan and Lucifer two different archangels, or the same being?
What does God look like? I remember drawing a picture in Sunday school based on John's description in Revelations...looked like a monster with swords for teeth and fire coming out of its nostrils.
Which should we focus on first, evangelism or discipleship?
Why are there so many Protestant denominations? Was there really a forewarning in the Bible?
Was the world created in 7 days?
Should the Church have schism-ed in the first place?
Is accountability among men important? Is accountability among Christians important?
Is there an unforgivable/unpardonable sin? Is this a translation error in 1 John 5?
Are there really contradictions in the Bible?
Is science and the Bible really compatible?
If aliens exist, how does that fit in with the Bible? Or does the Bible validity their non-existence?
When does the soul "attach" itself to the human fetus?
Did God really shorten telomeres?
Why are there birth defects?
Where do babies go when they die?
Will the elders preach to all humans at the end of time, giving everyone an equal chance to hear the gospel?
Are all other animals sinless? What about snakes?
Can sin still be inherited, as it was claimed in Genesis that Ham cursed his entire lineage (the Caananites, Ham's son was Caanan) to be massacred by Shem's descendants (the Israelites)?
Where were we before we came into existence?
Who are the saints and elders mentioned in the Bible?
Do exorcisms exist today? Or do we just call them mental disorders now?
Why does God love us so much even though we hate on him and fail him so hard?
Can we lose God's love?
When I go to heaven, what will I look like? What age will I be?
What happened to the "holy men" who rose from the dead in Matthew 27:52 when Jesus died?

Yes, I can give you several "theories" for some of these questions. Yes, I can give you the "common/accepted" answer for others. Yes, for some I know the answer, but don't understand it. Maybe I should waste less time on such questions, and focus on what I do know: hope, faith, and love. But even those are a bundle of questions in themselves.

Oh man, why does God keep so many answers from us?

PS: If you ever want to have a nice, albeit long, conversation about any of these questions, I'll be free. Many a late nighter have been based around one or two of these questions. But I'm all ears for more possibilities!

高婆婆

Today I attended the memorial service of the grandmother of my childhood friend. I remember when I was little, and would go over to her house to play with my friend, I would see the grandmother and grandfather together. In their old house, the grandfather's desk was behind the two sofas in the basement. I remember playing on the rug in front of the TV with the old nintendo console. I remember when I was little, I thought the grandfather was weird, with his crossed eyes and slow walk. Only many years later, at his funeral service, did I realize he was blind and deaf from a stroke. I am very happy for the grandmother, that she can now be reunited with the love of her life in heaven after 10 long and painful years.
I remember she always make my favorite foods when I went over. She would make me potato salad, sushi, and inari. Definitely Taiwanese style, but a hint of her Japanese upbringing as well. She used to hand make all of her granddaughter's clothes for them. She was a professional seamstress. I liked the clothes she made, but now that I looked back, all the dresses looked kind of amish. I remember she made my first boxers, and other things that I remember going to my mom saying, "mom, this is too girly for me to wear."
I remember when the grandmother shared her past, her life in Taiwan. I remember the stories of how she met with her husband. After hearing the summary of her life today, I can finally piece together all the details in my mind. I can see her walking down the street with her white, wide-brimmed hat, with a stud of a guy chasing after her.
I will personally thank her for her tender care and ever steadfast care for her family in Weatherby Lake. She had a choice to leave, to live a more relaxed life, but I know her love for her children and grandchildren kept her alive and rooted. She was a person who loved God with a faith like none other. I wish one day I can live each day with an abiding attitude like hers. Maybe I should be trained in Japan too...

I write this because I miss this grandmother. Her name is Mei-Li Chen Kao, but in my heart she will always be 高婆婆. I hope that I will learn more from today, and when I go back to Taiwan, I can take the time out of shopping and eating and touring to spend time talking and listening to my own grandparents, to hear their stories, and to show them that I love them. Before it is too late.

I pray for all my friends who have lost a grandmother or grandfather this month. May they rest in peace, and be with the ones they love. They will always be watching from Heaven, smiling, and waiting for family to come home.

New City Fellowship

I will always remember in my heart why I went to this church.
I will always remember remember when i was sick, the old black lady that put her hands on me and told the demons to come out.
I will always remember the french lady who prayed for me non stop in a language I cannot understand.
I will always remember the Lowery's who put so much effort into raising their children that were adopted from another race.
I will always remember the Chappeaus no matter wut! Gerry with his energy!!! Sherri with her love and tenderness!! And the little ones.
I will always remember the pastor and his granddaughter, who taught me how to be humble.
I will always remember Christy and Jonathan, bless their wonderful marriage.
I will always remember Dan Massalagia, who sought God after his fight with drugs.
I will always remember the brokenness of the members, like the lady in the 2nd row who was raped for 3 days and 3 nights straight yet she can go up and praise God.
I will always remember, Nancy, the African refugee, who ran away after seeing her parents and siblings gunned down, yet finds fellowship here.
I will always remember, all the ladies, whom do not know english, yet whose shrills and yippees pierce through the worship.
I will always remember the child molester who spoke up how the guys of the world hurt the girls by making them inferior...talking to only pretty ones, and ignoring the others.
I will always remember the dance offs, the puppet shows, and the korean jacks.
I will always remember the ethiopian food, the korean food, the indian food, the pakistanian food that I've had there.
I will always remember the theatre, with its leaking roof, where I watched how God saves the broken.
I will always remember playing games in the dark dark corridors with friends.
I will always remember being woken up at 5am...so painful. Maybe i dont wanna remember that.
I will always remember the Veggie Tales singalongs, the indoor tent parties, and Princess Bride.
I will always remember the pinata parties, the lip balm game, and the outright craziness of people there.
I will always remember the late night talks, the closeness of people who deeply care for each other, head resting on strong shoulders, tears wiped away by warm hands.
I will always remember the children, always the children.
I will always remember everyone there who are so eager to seek God.
I will always remember everything I learned about social justice and Love there.

Goodbye.

Sillyness for the future and Prayer

I think...I hit a new record in # of gtalk windows open.

edit: i beat my record.



One day, we will all look back at this moment, and laugh. But for now, prayer is what I need. God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8cAU475dQo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTCQBuYhq_s

It takes a painful event to show me how much everyone cares for me. Thank you. Thank you all!!!

Christmas's Greatest Gift

1. 有一件禮物，你收到沒有，眼睛看不到，你心會知道。
這一件禮物，心門外等候，是為了你準備別人不能收。

2. 親愛的朋友，你是否想到，馬槽的嬰孩，是為你而來。
親愛的朋友，你是否了解，最好的禮物是人子主耶穌。

副歌：生命有限，時光也會走，如果你不珍惜，機會難留。
　　　禮物雖然好，如果你不要，你怎麼能夠得到，怎麼能得到？

My Translation:
There is a gift, have you received it? Eyes cannot see, but your heart will know.
This gift waits at the heart's door, prepared only for you.

Dear friend, did you know? The child in the manger came for you.
Dear friend, do you understand? The best gift is the Jesus Christ.

Life is short, time's light will disappear. If you don't cherish, the opportunity won't last.
Though the gift is wonderful, if you don't accept it, how will you receive it? How will you receive it?

its hard to see it as a way to love

and to be loved,

in a relationship,
you are always seeking to be pleased,

instead of pleasing,

not even,

giving!

-advice to a friend (who told me to post it...-__-)

Be the man, give 100-0%


And the REAL love triangle



As you grow closer to God, you will grow closer to each other. He is the pillar. He is the foundation. The Pythagorean Theorem at its best :)

Courtesy of Richie

All I want is to be able to tell any girl that she is beautiful. From my heart, honestly, without other intentions but the truth. Because all girls are beautiful, and they deserve to be told that from someone with honest intentions.

Why is it so hard? And why can it be deemed as wrong in this society?

I strove towards that goal before, maybe I should take up this vision again.

(What I mean is, every single girl deserves to be told "you are beautiful" by every single guy)

A Girl's Heart

Can a girl like a guy just for his heart? Is it even possible?

Can a girl be attracted to a guy not for his looks, his academics, his talents (sports, music, art etc), his social standing (wealthy/talented family), or his social skills?

Can a girl be attracted to a guy for JUST his maturity, his caring, his intentions, his worldview, his spirituality, his gentleness, and his patience?

Stories, fantasies, and the Bible tell me yes.
Culture, TV, and real life tell me no.

Can a girl like me for just my heart then?

Better question...can I, Daniel Lee, like a girl for just her heart?

In 1871, tragedy struck Chicago as fire ravaged the city. When it was all over, 300 people were dead and 100,000 were homeless. Horatio Gates Spafford was one of those who tried to help the people of the city get back on their feet. A lawyer who had invested much of his money into the downtown Chicago real estate, he'd lost a great deal to the fire. And his one son (he had four daughters) had died about the same time. Still, for two years Spafford--who was a friend of evangelist Dwight Moody--assisted the homeless, impoverished, and grief-stricken ruined by the fire. After about two years of such work, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation. They were to go to England to join Moody and Ira Sankey on one of their evangelistic crusades, then travel in Europe. Horatio Spafford was delayed by some business, but sent his family on ahead. He would catch up to them on the other side of the Atlantic. Their ship, the Ville du Havre, never made it. Off Newfoundland, it collided with an English sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and sank within 20 minutes. Though Horatio's wife, Anna, was able to cling to a piece of floating wreckage (one of only 47 survivors among hundreds), their four daughters--Maggie, Tanetta, Annie, and Bessie--were killed. Horatio received a horrible telegram from his wife, only two words long: "saved alone." Spafford boarded the next available ship to be near his grieving wife, and the two finally met up with Dwight Moody. "It is well," Spafford told him quietly. "The will of God be done." Though reports vary as to when he did so, that belief led Spafford to pen the words to one of the English language's best-known hymns. Some say he wrote it on the ship to meet his wife, around the place where his daughters died.

Senior Year

Another year,
Another start,
The last year,
The last chances,
Life will continue,
and hope will last.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/index.html?hpt=T2

"No matter their background, Dean says committed Christian teens share four traits: They have a personal story about God they can share, a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose and a sense of hope about their future"

And I sit down and wonder, how many of these four traits do I have down? All of them needs a bit of work.

Wished my car had this warning light, then I wouldn't have had two flat tires within one month. Sigh...2004 Camry why do you hate me so?

Good Memory

Yesterday, a friend asked me what I can remember about a mutual friend, who was a girl. I proceeded to tell him what I remember she has ever told me, and every scenario or event we were at together. He was like "that's a tad bit creepy." Then he asked me about her boyfriend. I again revealed 2 years of conversations and details between me and the guy (w/o revealing secrets of course). My friend was like, "Dude, you have amazing memory!" I said yes, and then told him I remembered every conversation we had together from the moment we met, and quoted him his first lines hes said to me.

I seem to have a good memory of social interactions. I remember for the most part the first words people have ever told me or where/when we first met, all the secrets they're revealed to me, and many many conversations ranging from casual to insightful. I can remember chronological events that happen in an organization, and all the drama that have faded into the past. I am sure many people can attest to this. In this world, there probably isn't a person who can remember more conversations and words exchanged between us more than I can...except maybe one.

But two years is a long time.

If only my memory applied to academics...

But trust me friends, you do not want to have this skill. It is better to forget than to remember. It only brings untold amounts of pain and hurt. Only one of the most unfair of gifts bestowed.

The Riverbank

I don't burn bridges.
Never do.
But I should stop trying to rebuild them.
I should just let those bridges get abandoned,
the ones that are no longer traveled on,
and stop waiting by the riverside.
I should walk away and find newer bridges to build,
ones that span between wonderful towns.
I should maintain those bridges,
so that the people who commute on them,
have nothing to fear from the raging streams,
that sweep below them.
But, when I walk away,
from the lonely bridge ends,
I shall leave a sign,
on the other side of the riverbank.
What it will say is,
I will always care for you,
and will always be there when you need me.
Come find me,
on this side of the riverbank.
Your Friend.

"God is not glorified when we try to live together as perfect people... God is glorified when we keep doing the dirty work, even for people who treat us dirty."

- Shane Claiborne and Jonathon Hartgrove

more to continue on this...

There is always a wish of returning back to the place you just left, whether it is a vacation site, a camp, school, or home. There is the pain of leaving friends and memories behind, the fear that they will disappear forever into the unreachable past. Usually they go away, or you learn to move on.

What if those feelings consume you?

100 Truths

Someone made me do it...

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: Ice Cold Water
2. Last phone call: Ingold Huang
3. Last text message: Anne Cheng
4. Last song you listened to: You Alone Can Rescue
5. Last time you cried: July 9th
6. Dated someone twice: Never
7. Been cheated on: Never
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: No

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12: Orange
13: White
14: Forest Green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: Depends on what definition of Love
17. Laughed until you cried: Lol Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Some
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: No
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most
23. How many kids do you want: 2, 1 older girl, 1 younger boy
24. Do you have any pets: yes, 1 dog
25. Do you want to change your name: Already did
26. What did you do for your last birthday: T_T
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Extremely frustrated at my broken hard drive
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Love
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 2 Months Ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: A Lot
32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: People
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook unfortunately (just checked Mozilla)
36. Whats your real name: Kuang-Pu
37. Nicknames: Pu Pu. KPLD. The Flying Pickle. Daniel-son, Daniel-San, Dan, Dan the Man, Kung Pao
38. Relationship Status: Single, Christian
39. Zodiac: Snake
40. Male or female: Male
41. Primary School: Graden Elementary School
42. Secondary School: Lakeview Middle School
43. High school/college: Park Hill South High School/ Washington University in St. Louis
44. Hair color: Black
45. Long or short: Medium for a Guy
46. Height: like 5'9
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
48: What do you like about yourself: I’m humble
49. Piercings: Nope
50. Tattoos: None
51. Righty or lefty: Right-handed

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: Shin
53. First piercing: None
54. First best friend: Daniel Yu
55. First sport you joined: Soccer
56. First vacation: US
58. First pair of trainers: 1 year-ish

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: Nothing
60. Drinking: Water
61. I'm about to: Answer this question
62. Listening to: Nothing
63. Waiting for: Someone to call me to go to Uncle Bills

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids: Yes
65. Get married: Hopefully
66. Career: Unknown (BME: research, industry)

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
69. Shorter or taller: Shorter
70. Older or Younger: Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Unimportant
73. Sensitive or loud: I can deal with both
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Down the Kansas River
79. Sex on first date: No
80. Broken someone's heart: No
82. Been arrested: No
83. Turned someone down: No
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen For A Friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Not enough
87. Miracles: Yes
88. Love at first sight: No
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: Yes
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never
95. Did you sing today: Yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody: No
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: Before 4th grade
98. The moment you would choose to relive: All the past mistakes, to fix them
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: Yes, but anxiously waiting as well
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: Yes

I discovered I am not afraid of roller coasters, though previously I thought I was. I will even go as far as to say I get bored on them, and enjoyed the screaming people next to me than the ride itself.

To be honest, I found the roller coaster ride in Despicable Me more dizzying and exhilarating.

Two Points

I find proximity is the most dangerous thing in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic. The closer the distance, the more risk of the Hedgehog Syndrome, the greater the hurt. The farther the distance, the more risk of becoming languid in the relationship or the temptation of fleeting emotions.

Communication is key. And I find communication and proximity are dependent on one another.

Epic Fails

Epic fail is when I wake up early in the morning, drag my friend out of bed to drive me to the license bureau to renew my license after my21st birthday. After driving to the front of the license bureau, I walk up to the front door, only to look and see a building completely abandoned, as if people hastily put everything onto a U-haul within an hour the day before. Finding a substitute license bureau was a hassle, and only by asking directions from a bank teller from Bank of America did my friend and I realized we have driven 3 blocks too far. The other license bureau was next to a McDonalds, where we ate after realizing the wait was about 1 hour. After waiting the 1 hour, and visiting the neighboring Rent-A-Center (which I've never been to before, very interesting place and saw all-in-one computers for the first time) I got up to the bureau worker and asked for a renewal. After taking one look at my license, she handed it back to me, and told me it expires 2011 on my birthday. I was too dumbfounded to ask if I could renew it one year early. My friend and I had many laughs of embarrassment on the way back. Oh funny day.

Epic fail is going to Central West End, parking on Maryland, and walking 4 blocks north, then 4 blocks south to get to Coffee Cartel, and then walk the same way back, only to realize that a straight path west on Maryland would have led us directly to CC (no wonder our friends, who left later than us, beat us to the location by 10 minutes). Oh, and pretending to be drunk in CWE around midnight was a blast.

Epic fail is attempting to change a flat tire, put the luge nuts on backwards, resulting in the axles getting bend and the wheel getting torn apart. I was told that I am lucky that I'm still alive, and that if I had continued to drive on the wheel, it would have fallen off and caused the car to crash.

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being." - Warren Buffet

How does a person know he or she is being used by another person?

If neither believes so, does that make it so? If I believe I am being used, then I am being used. If I don't believe so, but the other person believes so, then I'm being used. So if neither believes they are being used or using their friend, then if is a honest friendship, and not just "friends with benefits."

Are there exceptions? Absolute cases?

I do not believe all relationship are based upon using each other, despite many people I know who hold this view. Yes, I have "friends with benefits," but I also have friends who do not. Its all in your perspective. I believe there are friends who give their entire fortune, their entire dreams and goals, their life to another friend without asking anything in return, and both know it was done out of care for each other. I also believe that romantic relationships should be 100 to 0, instead of 50 to 50. Each person gives 100% of their care for the other, without expectations or asking anything in return. If both people do this, then what can separate them?

Am I being too idealistic here? Or realistic?

Dramas...I started to watch a drama again after a long time w/o watching any. Very different I would say from the typical stuff I watch. Within the first episode I remember why I do not watch TV dramas: they are too idealistic, especially for a person who desires REAL above all else.

So by episode 6 the main male protagonist is diagnosed with a brain tumor (typical), but has a male role model who also has a brain tumor and is recovering fast from it. He is recovering so fast that soon he will undergo his last bit of treatment and then proceed to get married to the love of his life. His motivational speech is obviously "do not give up" and "write your own fate." Regardless, he suddenly dies farther into the episode, dashing the dreams and hopes of the young protagonist and leaving his fiancee with only a death certificate as a reminder of his love and promises. At this part I laughed, saying, "this is too much of a lolfest to happen in real life. No one can die suddenly like that." Right after I said this, I remember a topic of another post. I does happen in real life, and I have seen it. I remember to that day, when a father was discharged from the hospital to be reunited with his family. That night my family visited their abode, congratulating them on the successful removal of his brain tumor. I myself saw him walk, stand, talk, and laugh. It was only a few hours later were we notified that he died only a little while later of hemorrhage in the brain.

I remember walking to his tombstone with his widow.

Wow, so drama can take on a realistic turn coincidentally, or is reality looking more like a drama?