So, transferred from my journal from Catalyst 5/22/09
Am I a fringe person in ACF? After the discussion at chapter time, I thought about it. I guess I'm not the kind who doesn't come often or doesn't know a lot of people, but I definitely do not believe I fit into any circle within ACF.
You can say I am the ultimate floater of ACF, going from multiple small groups, from building to building, just trying to find people to hang out with. I go from Koenig to Mudd, then to Elliot, from Overflow to ACF and GF; from Shepley to Wheeler and then to Lopata House. I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. What can I do to bring people into the fellowship, when I am the least qualified to open the door? Same with back home, and same now...I am the least qualified when I haven't been integrated or accepted yet, how can I bring others into a circle?
I tend to feel like I have a responsibility to bring in people, mostly those whose English is poor, but even I have great doubts of my capability to serve this duty. The blind cannot lead the blind, lest the both perish into the fire. I myself need to find the help I need, both on campus and back home, before I can give that same help and love others. Its not that I don't know people on campus who need help and encouragement. There is (list of people that will stay private in the journal)...these are all people I have seen and heard about that need help in their walk towards God or with God. May I be strong enough and ready enough to serve them.
I pray that God will send someone to me to melt my bitterness and break down my walls that I have built up over the years, so that I can stand up and serve the fellowship.
Meditate on Psalms 23 and Romans 12: my strongest spiritual gifts are 1) Giving, 2) Serving.
If no one will tell me their problems,
If all I hear is "don't worry about it,"
If no one will be vulnerable to me,
How can I help?
How will I know?
How can I be a comfort and a hope
to someone I love?
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