Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. - Romans 5

Friday, May 22, 2009

journal notes

So, transferred from my journal from Catalyst 5/22/09

Am I a fringe person in ACF? After the discussion at chapter time, I thought about it. I guess I'm not the kind who doesn't come often or doesn't know a lot of people, but I definitely do not believe I fit into any circle within ACF.
You can say I am the ultimate floater of ACF, going from multiple small groups, from building to building, just trying to find people to hang out with. I go from Koenig to Mudd, then to Elliot, from Overflow to ACF and GF; from Shepley to Wheeler and then to Lopata House. I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. What can I do to bring people into the fellowship, when I am the least qualified to open the door? Same with back home, and same now...I am the least qualified when I haven't been integrated or accepted yet, how can I bring others into a circle?
I tend to feel like I have a responsibility to bring in people, mostly those whose English is poor, but even I have great doubts of my capability to serve this duty. The blind cannot lead the blind, lest the both perish into the fire. I myself need to find the help I need, both on campus and back home, before I can give that same help and love others. Its not that I don't know people on campus who need help and encouragement. There is (list of people that will stay private in the journal)...these are all people I have seen and heard about that need help in their walk towards God or with God. May I be strong enough and ready enough to serve them.
I pray that God will send someone to me to melt my bitterness and break down my walls that I have built up over the years, so that I can stand up and serve the fellowship.

Meditate on Psalms 23 and Romans 12: my strongest spiritual gifts are 1) Giving, 2) Serving.

If no one will tell me their problems,
If all I hear is "don't worry about it,"
If no one will be vulnerable to me,
How can I help?
How will I know?
How can I be a comfort and a hope
to someone I love?

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