There are songs in my worship playlist that makes me really sad to listen to, songs that point to specific people, songs that mark sad times in my life, even songs that mark happy times...but to listen to them reminds me of the past and what was lost.

There are even songs that make me infuriated.

But I have to remind me that these songs are not for me, but for the Lord. They are there to remind me to seek after Him, to know that He is all I need. There are songs that are all about Him, His majesty, His awesome power, His lordship, and all praise and honor and adoration belongs to Him.

Let me remember that the next time I sing, for I made today's worship time about myself. I made it about my loneliness, about my desire to find emotional feeling in the songs and peace, that I forgot that I need to give myself to the Lord (as in the lyrics of the songs I sang). It is not about me but You God.

I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

King above all kings, You deserve our everything

Lord I offer you up my life

What can we give that you have not given? and what do we have that is not already Yours?

Go on scream it from the mountains
Go on and tell it to the masses
That He is God

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

A generation that seeks your face

Weak made strong in the Saviour's love

Like a rose
Trampled on the ground

Here I am take me
As an offering
Here I am giving
Every heartbeat for Your glory
Take me, take me

You hold everything together

The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing your praise unending

For the honor of the Father
For the honor of the Savior
For the honor of the Spirit
For the honor of your Kingdom

Christ is enough for me
Everything I need is in You

I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back

Come, hopeless hearts, do not despair
Hide away in the love of Jesus

You are lord of lords
You are king of kings
You are mighty god
Lord of everything

You're Emmanuel
You're the great I am
You're the prince of peace
Who is the lamb

You're the living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are ancient of days

You are alpha, omega
Beginning and end
You're my savior, messiah,
Redeemer and friend

A flood for my soul
A well that never will run dry

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace

Your kindness leads me to repentance
Your goodness draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I'll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart

All glory, honor, power is Yours, forever Amen

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

You are my all in all

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”- Bilbo Baggins

Stretched out thin because of research and applications.

Stretched out thin because I cannot meet up with everyone I want to, nor do I have the money to.

Stretched out thin because people in my life are moving ahead of me in relationships and forming their own families, even with children, while I lag behind. 

Gotta remember. Gotta remember. Gotta remember God is my PB and J.

"Your religion is what you do with your solitude (alone time)" - Darrin Patrick

"Our birth control failed"

This was quite possibly the funniest thing I've heard uttered in a while (from the mouth of someone who I didn't think could look that flabbergasted in the face...then again I saw him cry on his wedding day), encompassing the complete irony of something so wonderful as a baby coming with the worst possible way for it to occur (within context). Luckily this was a (newly) married couple (honeymoon baby!) and not...the news I was expecting to hear from another source. And yes, it took a moment to sink in what that phrase meant.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Today Lester Cruzat told his fellowship that God trumps school work and studying any day, any time. When I heard that, the voice inside of me said "YESSSSSS" so hard I almost jumped out of my seat.

So the (almost) exact words were "be faithful to the fellowship, and be studious in your studies, but remember that studies never ever should be before God. God shouldn't be your number 1 priority. God is your ONLY priority, and through Him all other things are fulfilled."

Catch phrases of the month 1

"Fulfill your ministry"

"Your ministry is not your way to please God, but God's gift to you"

When will I be ready to be made ready for marriage?

"God, protect me from what I want"

YOLOBICYCLE - You only live once but in Christ you can live eternally

Why Muslim Dr. Nabeel Qureshi Converted to Christianity

This is quite the testimony. Will have to research into this more.

The cost...family...
remember the cost...

Entitlement

While driving for 26+ hours between Kansas City and Pittsburgh, I came upon the concept of entitlement very often. It occurred in the form of people cutting others off sharply, to shamelessly tailgating, even getting love-bumped during a traffic jam.

Entitlement: obtaining good grades, having people accept you, there existing a girl (or guy) who likes you for who you are (or aren't). We feel like we are entitle to have hatred/malice, holding grudges, deserving forgiveness, or seeking vengeance. We feel entitled to have people to care about us, to respect us, to seek us out as special in their lives.

Maybe another word for entitlement is selfishness, which is then idolatry of self.

He (Jesus) who was entitled to everything instead gave it all up to save us. Compared to any of us, Jesus deserves all entitlement.

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important (or, accepted). They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm does not interest them … or they do not see it, or they justify it … because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves” - T. S. Eliot

Spiritual Gifts

Something used to serve other brothers and sisters and given by the Holy Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit is to give spiritual gifts, specific ones to each peacemaker, to use for the Body and the kingdom of God. Necessary and sufficient.

***Good looking/well dressed isnot a spiritual gift. It makes God look powerful and glorified when you give these things up, that's the only useful thing. To change and not be of the world reveals God. In the Bible God uses fools and those who dress modestly to reveal His power.

The hand - the musicians and teachers. They interact with people. They build. They are dexterous, creative, warm, intimate.

The foot - stuck in a shoe. Smelly. Not as well enervated. But without it the whole body cannot stand, cant have balanced, cant have proper blood flow, and cant move forward in  the world.

Every part of the body has a role. Not to be neglected. Not to be underestimated. Don't idolize certain spiritual gifts above others. Don't use them to glorify yourself. Those who smile and listen are just as important as those who create or teach.

Don't be jealous of others who have a certain gift and blame God why you didn't receive it. Learn what gifts u have, and maximize them for the Lord and for the church. It is okay to pray for gifts from the Holy Spirit, and if God is willing He will give them to you, but everyone has gifts right here and now, so use them. And the church needs to see them and rejoice, for the Body grows and is blessed by them.

I will be honest, I wish I had the gift of tongues. Not the kind in the charismatic church, and I'm not here to debate the existence of that incarnation of the gift, but I wish to be able to listen and speak and translate in all languages and be able to preach in all tongues and translate the Word into many languages. Alas I don't. And I don't think I will ever have this gift. I don't even think I have the gift of teaching, but I do know my gifts and I give myself up to God and maximize my gifts for the church.

Hope

[12:28:13 AM] : so what would you say to someone who doesn't have the will to live, especially a christian?

[12:28:23 AM] : or like what do you think is the problem?

[12:28:24 AM] little fish: tough question...

[12:28:33 AM] little fish: its like telling someone w/o hope to find hope

[12:28:35 AM] little fish: hope exists

[12:28:48 AM] little fish: when they are at that kind of point in life

[12:28:55 AM] little fish: is when telling them about God or finding a fellowship is the best

[12:28:55 AM] little fish: time

[12:29:17 AM] : what is hope anyways?

[12:29:25 AM] : haha sorry i can stop asking questions

[12:29:25 AM] little fish: haha

[12:29:31 AM] little fish: that all will be well in the future

[12:30:01 AM | Edited 12:30:03 AM] : really?

[12:30:29 AM] little fish: what do you think hope means?

[12:30:44 AM] little fish: it definitely has to do w/ the future, like faith is for the present, and grace is for the past

[12:44:19 AM] : like do you think to hope is to dream?

[12:47:29 AM] little fish: mmm

[12:47:32 AM] little fish: idk

[12:47:41 AM] little fish: dreaming is a very...natural thing

[12:47:42 AM] little fish: like

[12:47:44 AM] little fish: animals dream

[12:47:46 AM] little fish: hahaha

[12:47:52 AM] little fish: natural as in instinctive

[12:47:59 AM] little fish: hope is knowing God exists and is planning our our future

[12:48:18 AM] little fish: and in the every end, when you die and everything, there will be a grand future waiting for you in heaven

[12:48:35 AM] little fish: this is the hope that allows you to take that one step foward in life

[12:48:44 AM] little fish: knowing that you will still be stepping on solid ground

[12:48:53 AM] little fish: that you have a destination

[12:49:06 AM]little fish: do you believe you are heading someplace? an end?

[12:49:26 AM] little fish: like...you dont know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, or a month or year from now

[12:49:36 AM] little fish: but you know, at the end of it all, you know where you'll be, thats hope

 

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

I imagine this moment in Jesus’s life to be a very sad moment, the day where he proclaimed he was all people needed to have life, yet many walked away that day because they couldn’t understand what was truly important for themselves. It is very similar to a case if a doctor discovered a miracle medicine, and wanted to treat all his terminal patients with it, but they refuse to take it to save themselves because they didn’t understand and didn’t believe in that medicine or the doctor. All the doctor can do is weep for his patients as they walk away and die a suffering death. That is how I feel when Jesus saw the crowds disperse, people who wanted Jesus to be their superstar and fix all their problems, but missed the entire point of Jesus’s coming. They sought only the solution to their daily problems, such as hunger or political oppression, and did not realize their very soul is at stake. How much Jesus’s heart must have broken for those people, even though he knew they came for the wrong reasons and didn’t understand in their hearts, he still begged them to accept him. It is similar to when Judas was about to betray Jesus. Though he knew it was going to happen and must happen, Jesus was still sad in his heart, and still wanted to fellowship with Judas. Take any human person and put him in Jesus’s shoes. Would they still treat Judas kindly at the table? Or would they pass them over during the breaking of the bread. I am actually curious to the tone Jesus used when addressing his remaining disciples, “are you going to leave me also?” at the end of the day. Was it grudgingly? Or was it because he already knew their answer, and wanted a little bit of comfort and hope so He can finish his mission on Earth? Did God provide the twelve (eleven) as a community for Jesus, as He provided his son with angels in the desert to bring comfort after the Temptation?

Question about Prayer Meeting

Yesterday (or I guess two days ago), the ACF coordinator asked me a question. "Why do you think prayer meetings tend to have the lowest attendance?"

I am not 100% sure. From my past experience, prayer meetings were never the most popular fellowship event, but had more attendance than men's group (I'm sure people at CMU would be astonished by that fact). I also saw that prayer meetings from other CMU fellowships tend to be the leadership/servant team meeting version 2.0 where they come to pray for the fellowship and logistics and people's hearts.

If I were to guess why, I would give two reasons.

The first reason is because it is redundant. People in the fellowship already share their stories, burdens, sins, and worries during cell group, so why do it again in a multi-gender environment with less close brothers and sisters? You clearly can't go as deep, and won't get the same kind of empathy for gender-based prayer requests (especially ones regarding romantic relationships and emotions). On top of that, people already pray for themselves at home and at church, so why spend more time praying with others? As a whole we pretty much value prayer the least of all Christ-like behaviors. Community and Biblical knowledge seems to be the important pillars to focus on (and I wonder why I fit into the fellowship so well). It is ironic because Christ probably prayed the most among His faith-based activities, because He really wanted to talk to His Father.

The second is selfishness. Of all the fellowship events to go to, prayer meeting gives you the least bang for your buck, aka you spend the least amount of time focusing on yourself (or your own spiritual growth). You go to church on Sunday because you feel you have to, because missing church feels shameful (let us be honest). At church you get pastoral teaching and you get to hang with your friends in the pews and on the bus. In cell/small groups you get fed even more, hopefully in the right manner. You get to share your problems and you get to make closer friends and develop relationships further. But in prayer meeting, you spend only 10-15 minutes about yourself and then have to try to focus the rest of the time praying for others. So you spend the least amount of time thinking about yourself, focusing on growing yourself, gathering (necessary) resources for yourself, and being aware of yourself. So when student responsibilities call, the first thing to cull out of the busy schedule will be prayer meetings. There is a lie though, and it lies in the fact that we believe we don't learn a lot from prayer meetings. But it is through excessive time in prayer do we get to know who God is the best. We also get to know how prideful and sinful our hearts are when we confess, or through the confessions of others. Through this revelation of the need to be humbled, we get to see the sweetness of the never ending forgiveness of sins. We get to practice how to love others more when we hear their prayer requests, even if we don't know them as well.

All in all, I can't really blame people for missing prayer meeting. I've only managed to make it to one cell group meeting and one GCF small group meeting, and it will only get harder from now on. Excuses are excuses, but God's hand is still firm in leading and the Holy Spirit is still guiding. As I have to really focus on more prayer in my life, and cultivating my heart behind the prayers, I find joy in learning more about God and God's love through my daily talks with Him, and I definitely enjoy listening to the hearts of my brothers and sisters at prayer meeting and feel the power of intimacy and God's grace upon all of us.

"If sex is like money, then porn is a massive devaluation of the currency"

"Sex inside a committed marriage is magic: it's like blowing on the coals of this incredible, beautiful, and powerful flame"

Sex outside of marriage is just receiving and for pleasure, and payoff becomes less and less.

Sex inside marriage is not receiving but giving, and becomes sweeter and more pleasurable over the years.

 

Jeremiah 29:11...

For God knows the plans He has for you, not to harm you but to prosper you, plans to put you through fire and trials and tribulations and sharpening and perfecting and spiritual surgery and maybe read the book of Jeremiah and the entire Bible before building a whole theology on a single verse. - J.S. Park

Well let's take a look at Jeremiah 29:10-14

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

For one, "plans to prosper" clearly refers to the promise stated in verse 10 about fulfilling God's "good promise to bring you back to this place" aka the exiles back to Israel (I mean...the chapter title is called "Letter to the Exiles"). So the target audience is for all the Israelites in exile in Babylon (well not yet since it is in Jeremiah).

So in context it is already pretty specific. I don't see people quoting verses from God's one on one talks with Abraham or Jacob or Elijah and His promises to them (because it is obvious it shouldn't be applied to us), so why do we quote this one so when God is speaking through the prophet Jeremiah to the exiles?

But if we are to take this passage and try to apply it to modern Christians, we do need to read on into verses 12 and 13. God will prosper when we seek Him with all our heart, and if we treat God as only a money-making machine or a wish granter (like a genie), then how is that seeking God with all your heart?

Verses 14 again make it clear this promise is only for the exiles, so please please please don't uses verses out of context. Or at least use scripture to test and verify other scriptures.

“I will make you into a great nation,
    and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
    and you will be a blessing.
³ I will bless those who bless you,
    and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
    will be blessed through you.
 
So let us not take scripture too out of context. I don't see people quoting Genesis 12 as a prayer to bless someone and promise them prosperity. But its so similar to Jeremiah 29:11. We don't because we are very sure it was for Abram (Abraham) and Abram alone. No, God is not going to make every one of us a great nation and make us a blessing, but through Abram He gave us a blessing that is Christ Jesus.

So let us cross reference this Jeremiah 29:11 with the rest of the Bible. God promises persecution (Matt 5:11, 2 Timothy 3:12, John 15:20), suffering (2 Corinthians 1:5), tribulations (Acts 4:22), and trials (1 Peter 4:12). For some of us, He has called us to die, like the apostles and many martyrs have done so in church history. But yes, God does have plans for each one of us (Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 4:17, John 14:2-3).

Bible study 101
1) To look at any scripture, you start with the verse. Do we understand the language within a Biblical context? Are we interpreting the words correctly in ancient Hebrew or in ancient Greek? Do certain words have different connotations back then?
2) Then look at the passage, do we understand the complete story within the passage? Context context CONTEXT!!!
3) Next look at the Book, does our understanding of the verse and passage fall in line with the Book?
4) Next we look at who the author is and his/her calling from God. Does our understanding of the Book fall in line with who the author was and what he would write about, especially in the ancient Jewish culture and in a historical context?
5)Next we cross reference the verse, passage, book with the entirety of the Bible, the full meaning of the Gospel. Do we understand why this Book with this passage with this verse is included in the Bible? How does it point to the Cross? How does it glorify God? How does it exemplify or fulfill the Gospel? Do we even know what is the Gospel?
(Inductive Bible study cheat sheet)
And anyways, we know that the Truth of scripture really is only revealed through the Holy Spirit.

If we honestly followed steps 1-5 above there is absolutely no way we can conclude the meaning we commonly used today from that verse.

 At the end of the day, don't quote Jeremiah 29:11 without reading all of Jeremiah first and knowing who Prophet Jeremiah is and what was happening to the Israelites in that specific time period.


I don't see anyone quoting Jeremiah 2:13. This is way more applicable to modern Christians than Jeremiah 29:11 ever was.


“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
    the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
    broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

Update: Also this and this and this and this.

Futility of sermons (question mark)

Today while walking to seminar I realized that I don't really remember that many sermons. I barely remember any ones from PCC, except of the the latest few from Ecclesiastes and Psalms, and looking into the past I also barely remember any.

I think I remember 1 from The Cause (that I've downloaded and saved) and relationships (how not to date a non-believer). That and also the sermon at the beginning of the year marking the direction of where The Cause church is going in Kansas City (Jesus Runs This Town).

I only remember one sermon from GPC where Dr. Calhoun gave a sermon about Jesus as Lord, based in one of the epistles. I can't remember a single sermon after the church became Crossroads (sorry Pastor Dan). This was the church I found the closest community and the most friendships. In the end of my college career, I think people (especially those who were of the same grade) helped me keep my sanity and faith in God. I could have been completely destroyed, or my recovery process would have taken much longer, if God hadn't led me to them.

From The Journey, I only remember the one about community and the Love Lies series, and one of the sermons where Pastor Darrin gave his testimony. Ah and also the one about child-like faith vs blind faith. To be honest, this was the church that I felt the least community in but the most teaching (due to it being basically a Reformed church even though its listed as non-denominational).

I don't remember any sermon from New City Fellowship. I just remember the black preacher always talking about Jesus and the Gospel, almost the exact same message every week with lots of "amens" and "hallelujahs". Not saying it's bad, we ought to be preached the Gospel every week and focus on Jesus every moment of our lives, but it makes it so you zone out if you are the type of person who wants substance in his/her sermons. Yet this was the church I learned most to be missional and applying the Cross and the Gospel to my life. It was eye opening, to see people from all nations coming together and praise the Lord. It was the most honest and raw in its sharing, and by far the one church I've been to in my life that strives to give back to the community around it.

For the 18 years I've been to GKCCCC, I don't remember a single sermon. Not one. So much for growing up in the church if I can't even remember anything. But it did lay the foundation of the basics. In Sunday School I learned the verses of assurance, Sermon on the Mount, and various psalms. Even younger I learned the stories of the OT and also Paul's travels and Jesus's teachings and miracles. I learned that there can be persecution within the church, the brokenness and selfishness of others, and that even when all is almost lost there can be hope. It was also here that started my idolatrous desire for a community tailored to me.

Quick Notes 2

Christians are defined by their enemies

Faithfulness, not outcome

God's wrath and violence isnt greater in the OT, it is in the NT in the form of the Cross, the death of an innocent man who knew only love

Original sin: how can two imperfect beings make something perfect?

Book of Mark - focuses on Jesus as a servant

OT is the NT contained, and the NT is the OT explained (Pastor Darrin)