Tension

The last two days have been really weighing on my heart, as it has been for very member at Church of the Beloved. The bylaws didn’t pass, but even if they had passed, there wouldn’t have been any victory. The single most daunting question right now is this: God why did you let this issue become this way? Why in your Holy Word did you make it so hard for us to see if women, competent and faithful women, could teach or not?

I believe I owe it to all my sisters both an apology for not listening close enough and not truly caring enough, and a duty to truly dig deeper into the Word, the history and context, and find the underlying truth, and do this without bias. Honestly I don’t think I will find a concrete answer, as I know on both sides smarter and more holy theologians have debated and refuted each other for centuries and only coming to half-conclusions and conglomerations of haphazardly woven arguments. I also acknowledge the reality of the overwhelming number of white male theologians whose interpretation of Scripture dictate the serving limitations of my sisters in Christ. I am also saddened how little I could find on that side women theologians who have done the research and came to same conclusion. To that end, I only found bits and pieces of fluff, as such is the irony of the Complementarianism viewpoint. Even if I do come to a conclusion within the next month or so, I will arrive at it begrudgingly, as I did with going from being an Armenian (free-will determinism) to about 80% Calvinism. I came to that conclusion partially due to my own testimony, and partially because I started reading and taking Scripture seriously. I say begrudgingly because I see a lot of pride in those who call themselves Calvinists. There is nothing to be proud of, but instead much to be humbled by the view of predestination and awe of God’s sovereignty. I will always refuse to call myself a Calvinist because I am a Christian, a Christ follower, and that is my sole identity. I want to echo Paul’s warning in 1 Corinthians 1:12-17 here as well (My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.  What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas”; still another, “I follow Christ.”Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, so no one can say that you were baptized in my name. (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.)

There is always an underlying problem within this problem, and that is the problem of abuse. I look at the Old Testament, and I find so much abuse of women. Sarah. Hagar. Leah. Rachel. Dinah. Tamar. Tamar. Ruth. Bathsheba. Gomer. Esther. Eve. God why did you let so many women be abused in your history by your chosen people? Is it to reveal the depravity of men?  How do we, the brothers in Christ, fix this problem? How can we ever assume headship or leadership over women without profusely apologizing with every single breath of our lives for the legacy we carry from our forefathers? I know…the answer is Christ, but this is one of those moments where it doesn’t sound enough.

How do we reconcile the tension(s)? Not just this issue, but issues across the board. Gender? Justice? Justification? Mission? Abuse? My own paradigm warns me that the atmosphere in America will slowly, but with increasing speed, become one that is hostile to Christians regardless of their secondary beliefs as long as they proclaim the name of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Jesus’s words echo in my head: You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved (Matt 10:22 NASB). In context, this applied to Jesus’s immediate disciples and is not a foretelling of the End Times but for all times and all believers.

All of yesterday’s tension was for the 501(c)3, but there may come a day very soon where all churches will lose nonprofit status, and maybe one day in my life or my children’s lives all churches will become criminalized. History, scriptural prophecy, and the persecution of Christians in other countries lead me to this conclusion. It is possible, in the future before the Day of the Lord, the church will once again become like the first churches in Jerusalem and Asian: house churches full of Joy and compassion for one another, but also facing insurmountable levels of persecution. Almost insurmountable levels if Paul’s words here are to be believed: We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Cor 4:8-9 NIV).

Coming full circle, I do not believe any of my brothers and sisters who believe either view of Complementarianism or Egalitarianism will go to Hell if they are wrong, just as I don’t believe gay affirming Christians, or even Christians who do not believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, are going to Hell. What sends us to Hell is our own Pride, our own self-glorification, our own desire to set ourselves (or other things in our lives) as our god over God. What saves us is the righteousness imputed to us by Christ’s death on the Cross, which is done by our confession via mouth and heart that Jesus is both Lord and Savior (Romans 10:9) through the power of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 12:3). By this Gospel we the church will survive and be unified. I want to see the Acts 2 church, the church that grasps God’s love together (Ephesians 3:18-19) and be unified in body and spirit (Ephesians 4:4-6), re-envisioned here at COTB. This is the solution we need, but how does it look practically, I don’t have an answer. I just know It is my desire to love my sisters and my brothers with all I got. I hope I can convey this sentiment all the days of my life. Only Christ can help me do so.