"He Will Carry Me"

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me

[chorus:]
And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

[chorus]

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm

Of all the songs I listened to on the way and back from apple picking, this one seemingly stood out to me. I have heard it many times before, and it's not actually one of my favorite worship songs, but yesterday it resonated in me.

I don't think I am lonely right now. At least not in the same way I was in undergrad or earlier. I have a strong local Body, I am serving that Body with a joyful heart. I am content with what God has given me. I know (but could always sink deeper and be reminded daily) God is enough for me. I don't know, did this song bring up the past in a way? Did it make me think of what I've been through? Yes, God never said it was going to be easy. Through the Holy Spirit, He leads us into trials, temptations, tribulations, persecution, pain, and suffering. I actually have a theory where one of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to play the bad cop, putting us under pressure so that we call out to God the Father, who then comes and comforts us and creates that path out from under the boulder. This is just a theory, but see Jesus (Matt 4), Peter and John (Acts 4), and Paul (Acts 20).

It is at our emptiest when we are humiliated enough to call out to God. Sometimes, especially in my case, God has to break us down completely to get us to trust in Him, for it is when we are weak when He is strong.

One of the fears I have for events like apple picking is that the people who don't go regret not going, and those who went regret going. Even if someone spent 95% of the time there happy, but experienced 5% of the time in deep loneliness, then that loneliness overshadows the happy times. Maybe only 1% of the time is needed to turn what was a fun and enjoyable time into a depressing memory. Such is human nature. Such is how I've been in the past. He will carry me.