I don't burn bridges
Never do
But I should stop trying to rebuild them
I should just let those bridges get abandoned,
the ones that are no longer traveled on,
and stop waiting by the riverside
I should walk away and find newer bridges to build,
ones that span between wonderful towns
I should maintain those bridges,
so that the people who commute on them,
have nothing to fear from the raging streams,
that sweep below them
But, when I walk away,
from the lonely bridge ends,
I shall leave a sign,
on the other side of the riverbank
What it will say is,
I will always care for you,
and will always be there when you need me
Come find me,
on this side of the riverbank
Your Friend

I wrote this quite a while ago, my senior year of college (wow...5 years ago). I've already forgotten why or to whom I specifically wrote it for, but I remembered it was also for all of those who passed through ACF in their time in college. It was for those who stayed for all 4 years or only attended a handful of times. It was for those who left feeling loved and secure, or those who left feeling betrayed or alienated. Unfortunately for me, I was the latter, having been told the night before graduation that I didn't really belong. That fellowship was not for me.

But I know that was a lie. Fellowship, the body of Christ, the communion of the saints, the royal priesthood, was for any and all who love because they realized the depth of love God had for them, and the price Christ paid on the Cross. We as the body, as flawed and failed as we are, have the strength of God that holds us together. Yes, we may hurt and abandon and fail each other (as I have done to more than just one person), there is always the hope in Christ that can bring us back together again. That is the beauty of brotherhood and sisterhood.

No matter how much I've been hurt or betrayed in the past, I will keep on lovin' and keep on forgivin' because that's what Christ did for me. There is no suffering I will endure that will go beyond what Christ endured on the Cross for me. To me, when Jesus said the greatest love was to die for one's friends, I don't always take it as a physical death. To me it means dying to our self, to put my friends over myself. To serve and love and cherish and care for them above my own needs. Unconditional love. Time and time I may be hurt by them, whether it is by evil or just the hedgehog's dilemma, I will forgive them time and time again.

Lord give me the strength to hold others up.

Do you know Jesus? Does Jesus know you?

Do you know Jesus? Does Jesus know you?

Analogy: I can say I know a lot about President Barak Obama. I see him a lot on the news. I know he has a fashionable wife. I know he has two daughters who are becoming teenagers and now Barak is "in" with hip youth culture. He's got a Nobel peace prize. He is trying hard to change the economy and has made various promises and actions to pursue that (whether he is succeeding or not is unimportant to this discussion). He seems to be buddy buddy with Ellen Degeneres and likes kids. I might even have read several biographies about him.

But if I were to go to D.C. and walk up to the White House and tell the secret service that I want to see my friend, the reply I will get is "I don't know you." Reminds you of a certain verse? (Luke 13:24, Matt 25:12)

Do we talk about Jesus as if we know Him intimately, or do we talk about Him because we have heard about Him, from songs or other people, but never sought Him directly ourselves?

So there are two questions: Do you know Jesus? Does Jesus know you?

If we sincerely know someone, we love them.

Jesus Himself has said, "If you love me, you will..."

Jesus told us to love our brothers and sisters and that we are His brothers and sisters, co-heirs to the Kingdom of God (Matthew 12:49). He calls us His friends (John 15:15), and whoever loves His brothers and sisters loves Him (Matthew 25:40, 1 John 4:20-21). He also says those who love the world do not love God (1 John 2:15). John and OT prophets teach us that if we don't provide for the poor or needy, or a brother in need, then we do not have love in us (1 John 3:17, Isaiah 58, Proverbs 19:17...list can go on). You can't hate or neglect the poor and love Jesus. Jesus Himself tells us that the greatest love is to die for our friends (John 15:13). Guess what Jesus did on the Cross eh?

Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commands" (John 14:15, 1 John 5:2). What are Jesus's commands? Some of them are listed above, but obviously not exhaustive. Are you following them? Not trying to be legalistic, but there is a cause and effect. If we truly believe, then there will be a heart change, one that seeks God's heart. The old has gone, the new has come (2 Cor 5:17).

To know God, we have to fully confess our brokenness and sin, because only then do we understand God's glory and Love and why He must punish us. That is why there is repentance and a heart to do good and sin no more (1 Peter 4:19, 1 John 3:6, 1 John 5:18, 2 John 1:9).

Test and examine yourself (2 Cor 13:5). Ask again, "Do I know Jesus? Does Jesus know me?"

I ask these questions daily myself, and to be honest, I always seem to come up short. But that just leads to a more passionate pursuit of God's heart and God's Word the next day.

http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/he-says-hes-a-christian-but/

Cell group today:

For the guys - Doesn't your wife deserve someone who prays more than he plays basketball?

For the girls - Shouldn't you like a guy who prays more than he plays basketball?

(not to hate on people who play or like basketball, that was just the example used. you get the picture)

Story of Arthur

There was a man of God named Arthur who knew a Japanese brother at church. One day he saw that his brother had his eyes closed and head bowed during service. Because he was close with this brother and knew of his spiritual walk, Arthur knew his brother was in deep prayer. However, the preacher singled this brother out during service, "don't sleep during the sermon!"

After service was over, Arthur went to his brother and asked him, "I know you were in prayer, why did you let the preacher single you out like that?" The brother replied, "It is okay, I needed that." The brother knew that even though the rebuke was incorrect and unfair, he also knew that the rebuke will help him grow in his understanding of God's love and truth.

Today was a probably one of the best cell groups I've ever attended (and I've attended many, and many of the others are now tainted with betrayal...as mentioned during the cell group). We have deep sharing and some of the most raw and honest prayer of this summer. That room was shaken, as it was shaken in Acts 4. I was crying at the end of it, and I wasn't the only one. Conviction. Burden. Fellowship. Brotherhood. Truth. Kindness. Hope. Freedom.

I remember mentioning earlier about the taste of heaven. Well this was what I was referring to.

It is funny how I thought during cell group when was the last time I was filled with the Holy Spirit like Peter was in Acts 3 and 4, and I couldn't remember. Then later in cell group I was definitely led by the Holy Spirit to speak. It was...a funny feeling. When you are filled with the Spirit, you speak with boldness.

If God decided to take away my future wife or fiance from me, or allow my child to be kidnapped, raped, and killed, would I have the heart to forgive? Is God enough for me? Am I to that point yet? I don't think so...even with the level of betrayal I've faced in my life, the loss of brotherhood and fellowship and intimacy.

Can I be like Horatio Spafford, or the Amish families who forgave the one who killed their family members, or the Mennonite woman who forgive the man who kidnapped, raped, and killed her daughter. Even though I pray pray pray that this doesn't happen to me or those I love and care for, believe me, someone nearby is truly in this kind of pain. Shouldn't we be there for them? Isn't that what true brotherhood or sisterhood about? Can't we ask others what kind of pain or burdens they are under right now?

It is truly amazing that God can used the dota2 internationals to bring a bit of honesty and sharing into the body of Christ. Just. Amazing.

It isn't about being ready for marriage. Truly no one is ready for marriage. But it is about being ready to be made ready for marriage.

Love is like a rocket reaching orbit

To be cared for and to be understood

To convince a girl you understand her

Drop a sincere and sentimental note

Its all about perception

Tiny bridge of trust leads to deep conversations

All girls have a monster of insecurity inside them
 but some are able to hide it and overcome more than others

Fate vs destiny, everyone pulling strings

In the words of big fish, a real man is the one who takes leadership, takes the risks, and takes the initiative to understand.

All I have ever wanted from my future wife was that she desires me for being a man after God's own heart.

Personalities will develop and change over time. Interests are just temporary, coming and going on a whim. Looks also change in time. Will I be able to look at my wife and tell she is still beautiful when she is 40, 60, and God willing, 90? Do I want someone who is only interested in my talents or worldly traits? All I need, not want, is a woman whose source for her strength is the same as mine.

What makes a relationship work is not compatibility or romantic attraction. It is heart, it is faith, it is trust, it is the choice to care for them, and it is the choice to understand them.

Am I disregarding romantic feelings and compatibility (interests, physical attraction, checklist traits)? Not really, but they are only 2nd tier of importance to what truly matter. If a romantic relationship/marriage is a God ordained analogy of Jesus and the church, do any of the aforementioned traits even matter?

All I ever wanted to be is a man of God.

Therefore the only girl I desire is one who understands the depth of that commitment and is willing to accept it.

When she asks me "who are you?" I will tell her "I am your brother in Christ, and a man after God's own heart."

God in center in the relationship. God is enough.

edit: http://benshim.tumblr.com/post/92784732269/what-kind-of-woman-do-i-find-beautiful-laughs this is an interesting twist to how to look/appreciate/respect a woman of a Godly nature. I'm one to hesitate in putting words into God's mouth, as God can say much much more that cannot be encompassed in human words or two scriptural references, but I pretty much agree 100%.

Love language

I took the test. It said I liked quality time.

But I've really never received physical touch or gifts much, especially from girls. When a brother touches me in a friendly manner, such as a hug or a grip on the shoulder, it makes me feel like I belong. When a girl touches me, its like a lightning bolt through my body (like Tim Keller puts it), even if its just as friends.

The few gifts I have, I've noticed i cherish deeply and they always invoke memories of people. People far away. People long gone from my life. People who will always have a spot in my heart. I remember them all.

Though acts of service is my strongest love language, and I do it so often, I feel like I would cheapen others' acts of service toward me. This has happened before and I've learned to try to appreciate others' acts and not compare them to mine quantitatively. But I also noticed that of all the love languages, I can identify and notice this one first in my sisters. Maybe I am attracted to this love language, more than I thought I  did. At least it almost seems like this is a quality I want in a future wife. Someone who gives to the fellowship and cares deeply for her friends and family.

Words. Sometimes I feel like actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately the only words I seem to remember are the negative ones spoken to me in anger or spite. Maybe this is the one gift I'm not attracted to or need. Will need to explore this.

At the very least, I feel like I would desire all the gifts if not just 4 in my marriage. There are ones I'm so low on that they will have a huge impact. And there are ones I'm naturally inclined to (quality time). And there are ones that mirror my heart (or God's servant heart) that I notice first.

Quick Notes 1

Notes from workshop night:

The two greatest decisions a person will make in his/her life: choosing faith and choosing a spouse

Biblical assumption: all christians are the same, all christians are different

Choosing a church based on need (non-fundamental) becomes toxic

Acts 2:42-47, Romans 12:3-13, Ephesians 4:1-3, 11-16,35-32

1 Timothy 3

There is no christian spiritual gift designed to boost our own self-esteem, only for others/common good

The church needs to be under scripture, not above it

Do not live your life as if its an investment, but count it already lost

What christians have poured their life into you?

Got a birthday present from my brother!

Ah books!

He got every single book I had on my amazon wishlist, but forgot to buy the gundams...

Sigh...feeding this hobby is expensive and time consuming. For the glory of God!