source jonathan wong

"From this never changing days, I wanted to escape, so I stepped out on my own.
If I spread this map in my hands, I thought I could struggle to somewhere
But I just become vexed, and unable to progress
I became unable to see my steps, and stumbled on the asphalt, rolling
I look up at the sky with my eyes closed
I was hurt by the everyone's empty smiles

Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place
So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease
And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road

But I misunderstood, I thought I became strong alone
I realised my own weakness and got confused but light shone and I saw everyone's faces
Since there's a voice that pushes me, for sure I have now passed through
Finally when I understood and broke my shell apart, feelings of gratitude sprout

Always I rush and do it my way
Selfishly, unreasonably and stubbornly
The wall I want to overcome, the wings to fly over, for the strength I desired
I stand up and move forward, no matter how many times I fall
'Cause everyone should have a place to return to
A bond that can be relied on always
Hands in the air let out a yell and stick your chest out

Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place
So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease
And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road

On the never-ending journey, I stopped
The wounded irreplaceable things
The flame in my heart bursts forth
I probably could go anywhere and everywhere
The power to protect people, someday I'll have

Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place
So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease
And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road"

Today I was walking by the DUC, and a few tourists stopped me.

Tourist: Hey, are you a student here?
Me: Yeah.
Tourist: Is that the Graham Chapel?
Me: It is.
Tourist: Cool Thanks.

Such a short and also typical conversation occurred today. After taking a few steps, I realized I just lied to them. I wonder to myself, "Am I still holding on to something? Am I ready to move on?"

"Being alone is more painful than being hurt" - Luffy

The core instinct of humans.

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Luke 18:1-6

The job I have always wanted the most, was to work with animals such as this. The look on the worker's face showed how much care and love she has, and how much she is enjoying her job. I wonder...if one day I will enjoy my career that much. The people visiting the zoo say things like "oh my gosh, sucks to be the workers here. Their job must suck a lot!" But in my heart, I long to be one of them.

I don't know why, but animals always go for the ears.

Guest Post: Identity vs. Reputation

Q: Is it self-serving for God to seek His own honor, to make His sole goal the pursuit of worship?

Think Zoro from One Piece. “I will show you the difference in power between you and me.”

Job 38:3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

One Piece characters all have a certain characteristic they personify. One of the most famous and well-loved One Piece characters, Zoro epitomizes powerful, determined characters. His goal is to become the best swordsman, “My name will reach the heavens!” To be the best. To be great. Characterized by an indomitable will and a deadly seriousness to make good on his word and to stick to his own convictions; failure is unacceptable. He does not seek the approval of others—a character whose very presence commands awe from the ordinary and whose dedication merits the respect of the powerful. “It doesn’t matter if it’s as a devil or a saint; my name will be heard all over the world.”

Is seeking honor a selfish ambition or when is it? There’s an important distinction to make here. The goal is not to become a legend, to gain recognition but to be so great that people cannot help but acknowledge it. True greatness demands acknowledgement. Think of it as a standard of greatness. A selfish person wants to BE TOLD that he is great, but an ambitious person wants to BE great. Those who strive to be great with a self-serving ambition strive according to the standard that is man’s approval. Those who strive to be great with an ambition not born of selfishness strive according to a standard that history cannot change.

Without people to talk about it, a legacy is simply not a legacy. So while the honor sought by God requires people, the standard by which it is measured is not something as weak as the approval of man. That standard is greatness—of which God is the very definition. The book of Isaiah is all about God showing this to the world over and over again. Actually, the entire Bible is testament to the greatness of God. God does not seek anyone’s approval. He lays low the proud and protects the humble. He does not need your worship and at the same time commands it and is worthy of it. Only one who is truly great has permission to say, “I am great. Worship me.” Behold, I AM.

Isaiah 45:22

Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.

Arrogance is the overestimation of self-worth. While ability, skill, and other attributes certainly differentiate, the intrinsic value of a person is the same as that of any other. To be arrogant is to overestimate that value relative to the value of others.

Zoro’s character is a unique blend: confident but not arrogant, ambitious but not self-serving. “A wound that would kill an ordinary man… I won’t lose to it! To face one who is extraordinary…I can’t allow myself to be ordinary!” Is this kind of person realistic or is it truly larger than life? That it is possible makes it truly moving and inspiring. One Piece is one of the most widely acclaimed anime/manga in history because it is just chock-full of these larger than life characters that really aren’t that much larger than life. But to be like this guy, we should look at what drives him. He enters the story with the goal of being the best to fulfill a promise to a fallen friend. Later in the critical moment of being faced with the immense distance between him and his goal, it is his current obligation to his captain that gets him through the fight—to continue to pursue the dream instead of giving up. He strives to be the best both for himself and for others at the same time. It is his personal conviction and ambition that pushes him, but his convictions and ambitions themselves are based on those important to him. So let’s draw lines between OP and the Bible. God calls his people to be great, to love others and so overcome the world. ‘Nuff said. Dream big.

Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Think of the most powerful character or person you have ever met, read about, or heard of. We have a word for those kinds of people nowadays. I personally really like the word “heroes”; but this new word really focuses on that attribute that makes them heroic, that powerful feeling—whether of conviction or of raw strength and confidence—that just emanates from their very being. Today, we call those people “ballers”. And just like most newly created words, it has multiple functions of speech. In this case, “baller” can be used as either an adjective or as a noun. So think of the most baller person or character that you can, whether realistic or not. And then, I’ll tell you that God is hands down more baller than anyone or anything ever thought up or already in existence and that He is in a way that you sincerely hope and expect him to be.

God. The very definition and embodiment of every value that is truly good in a perfect, humanly unachievable balance called love; an unfathomable existence truly worthy of and only sufficiently describable by the title “God”.

Isaiah 46:5

To whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we can be compared?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Was God invented? Well, ask this ancient, staggered yet consistent collection of writings we call the Holy Bible, the Word of God. But is the Bible true? It’s possible as well as completely feasible; and that’s good enough for me. Come on; everyone says that, so whose God is the real one?? Well, which one do you like the best? Because a God that creates a people that can think up a better God isn’t really God at all. I believe that the real one is going to be the best one, and I am confident that the God of the Bible truly resonates with the hearts of all mankind.

Hah. Now if I just acted like it.

Regardless, I will own these words.

To the glory of God.

By Big Fish (aka dyu)

Romans 12:9

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

(Rough Draft)

To Mother by Yui. Relay for Life!

To Mother - YUI (english Subbed)

Because you told me
Teary voiced looking away

That if you couldn’t even lie anymore
Living on would not be possible

Since you wanted to be loved
You kept on laughing
Through any hardship

Sadness is something
I could endure
If I were alone

Kindness is so
Cruel, Isn’t it?

Even your heart
Becomes confused

I want (us) to be together forever but
Things I don’t like about you seem to
Increase by each passing day

We’re like-minded, aren’t we?
I feel like I understand

I have someone I can love now
If that day were ever to come
I wonder if I could change

Happiness is…
Although it doesn’t
Shine like magic

Isn’t hatred
Just a slight misunderstanding?
Please don’t cry

Mere fate
Is something you can change
Crying into the night as I ran from the house

And in that secluded park bench
I waited for you to come pick me up

Sadness is a thing
If snuggled together,
A thing of great warmth

Kindness is
If it’s close to you
Its taken advantage of

Hey…
I’m happy
Probably
Because

I had you

With me

Borrowing this from Mahhh: Coming Home Again

SMS (Shine)

I listened to this profusely when I was sad. Now I listen to it diligently when I am happy. The message is clear, and the stats are crazy.

"Take a look at David Crowder’s brand new single, “[SMS] Shine”! This amazing video was created with a LiteBrite and 1 million pegs. Everything you see in the video actually happened – NO computer generated graphics or effects! Even details such as the piano playing in the background and the monkeys beating a drum in perfect time was done free of digital affects and computer animation. It took 2,150 man hours, 1,200 LITE-BRITE images, 83 friends and 148 pizzas to complete the video."

It took me 60 (yes 60) views to realize that the girl dies in the music video.
It took me 3 months of watching it daily to realize that there was a piano playing by itself in the back.
I think the 3 drummers are pretty darn cute.
I want a lite brite now.

But it is not all about the statistics, nor the lyrics, nor the musicality. Its about how I see God and feel his love when I listen to the song and watch the video.

SMS [Shine] MV by David Crowder Band

Revelation 5:10-12

You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.” Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying: “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!”

2 Kings 6:16-18

“Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

(I don't know about you, but I want to be able to hear and see angels like that)

(Verse 1)
Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Throw me a line
Cause I am listening
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me to light
Cause I am fading
Surround me with the rush of angels wings

(Chorus 1)
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart thats overcome?

(Verse 2)
You sent a sign
The hint, a whisper
Human, divine
Heaven is listening
Death laid low
Quiet and in the night a stirring
All around the rush of angels

(Bridge)
O the wonder of the greatest love has come

(Chorus 2)
Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

Bro-Sis

So...I got found out in 3 different ways by thursday (friend guessed from my gifts, got caught making a gift with her name on top, and attempting to run away when delivering a gift) but its all good!

I got to know my sister better, and hopefully this will continue after bro-sis. I was able to appreciate her and work my BUTT off to show how much I care. It really reminds me of two years ago. I see a lot of similarities. And it also reveals how much I care for both fringe people and international students.

Need to outdo myself! Last year, cat tree? This year CASTLE!!!

I WILL make a CASTLE and learn how to PAINT SUUUUUUPERBLY!!! Just you wait!!!

New talent found...PAINTING! Now I need to learn how to paint at a relatively decent pace...a box shouldn't take 4 hours.

Sigh..."Daniel, you should have just pretended you were delivering it, but I know you are too nice to lie." - Tina

Edit: Okay...the castle was unrealistic w/ the veritas meeting and career fair, so BAKING! Not my forte, but this recipe deserves to be tried out:
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/chocolate-puddle-cookies-recipe.html

Why do these cookies require no flour or oil...mind is blown.

Psalm 98

A psalm.

¹ Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.

² The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

³ He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

⁴ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

⁵ make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

⁶ with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.

⁷ Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy; ⁹ let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

Theme of the week...HEDGEHOGS!!!

The Boy and his Dog

A boy, about eight years old, walked into a general store. The front of the store hung a sign that said "Puppies for sale." The boy asked the owner, "may I have a puppy?" The owner gestures to the back room, where about eight puppies were kept in a pen. "Choose whichever one you like." The boy went into the back room and looked at the puppies (for some reason, I imagined them as Yorkshire terriers). The puppies peered up and hung their little paws on the side of the pen, where they excitedly wagged their tails and eagerly yelped for attention. The boy picked each one up one at a time and inspected them.

The little boy smiled, for he had found his puppy. Taking this puppy in his two hands, he cradled the puppy up to the front. "This one will be my puppy. How much is he?" the little boy asked. The owner replied, "Fifty dollars." The boy's face fell. "All I have is five dollars, sir." The manager frowned, "I'm sorry boy, but there is nothing I can do about it. They cost fifty-dollars each. If you don't have the money, would you please put the puppy back?" The boy, looking crestfallen, put his puppy back into the pen. He then went up to the owner, "I will be back for him. That puppy is my puppy." The owner shook his head, "I'm sorry boy, I cannot hold onto this puppy for you, and they go fast. I'm afraid, by the time you come back, he will already be gone." The boy smiled and said, "No, he will still be here, because he is my puppy."

For the next few days, the boy did everything he could to earn money. He went around the neighborhood and did many tasks: he mowed lawns, moved tree branches, took out trash, and ran errands. Soon enough, the boy had fifty dollars. He returned to the general store, and set the wad of cash onto the counter. "I have fifty dollars sir, can I go get my puppy now?" The owner looked up from his chair behind the counter, and sighed. "I only have three of the puppies left, and unfortunately these are the ones which are less desirable. You can still go check and see, but I highly doubt your puppy will still be among them." The boy went back and checked on the last three puppies. Indeed, the ones left were the ones that were the runts of the litter, or had irregularly patterned coats that looked displeasing. The boy reached down and picked one of them. He ran back to the front and showed the owner the puppy. "This is the one I wanted. This is my puppy."

But as the boy turned to leave the store, the owner called out to the boy. "Hey! You don't want that puppy. If you look closely, you'll will see that one of his back legs is retracted. He was born with a hip injury, and will never be able to walk or run like a normal dog." The boy stopped and frowned. "But this is my puppy." He continued towards the door. The owner continue to protest saying, "Hey boy, you will never be able to play fetch or frisbee with him. Take him back and choose one of the other puppies. They will make a much better pet than a lame dog." But the boy turned around and just gave a huge smile and continue to walk out the door. The owner stood up and was about to protest one last time, but he noticed something that he hadn't noticed before. He realized that the boy moved much slower than a normal person. Sticking from underneath the pants was the lower half of a brace. The boy was a cripple. The owner just stared at the boy walking down the street with a puppy cupped in his arms, and finally sat to contemplate what he just experienced. Then he chuckled at himself and continued on with his tasks.

(credit of the story goes to elder Brian Burkey, expanded by me)

As you learned from the story, it takes one who has suffered the same fate to truly understand another experiencing the same tragedy, whether its divorce, a death in the family, or cancer. For the rest of us, we will never understand the bearer of the suffering and pain. Sometimes we believe them to be exaggerating, that no pain can be "that bad", and that life will continue. Even more often we are afraid that we can offer no help to our friends who are hurting. Henry Nouwen once said,

"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

We do not have to understand their pain to be a steadfast shoulder for them to lean on. Be open, be honest, be genuine when you listen, and never abandon them to their fears and physical or psychological pain.

The story of the boy and his puppy is another analogy of how God truly cares for us. Not only does he love us so much that no matter what we do, we will never lose his love, but he was willing to experience everything we experience, including the suffering, temptations, loneliness, and even death. He fully understands what we say when we complain to him, and he also pains on the inside.

For me, I have experienced the hurt and abandonment of Christians in my past. I honestly say that those who have hurt me the most are Christian. I got to watch my parents cry and blame themselves for all the suffering I had to endure due to lack of community. It is a painful sight. I don't blame them. Life isn't easy when money dictates society. Life isnt' easy when there are worldly expectations on class and looks. Life isn't easy when there is cancer. Life isn't easy when people are selfish. Life isn't easy when hearts are very fragile. I love my parents so much for what they did for me, for what they sacrificed for me, for loving me so much and accepting me, and I will always love them.

So when I see others who are being ignored, their cries of help unanswered, or paralyzed in the grasp of torturous pain, my heart breaks for them. When there are people being left out of the community, I will try to reach out to them. When I see fellowship failing or chasing after the wrong goals, I boil over with rage. One step is the right direction is better than running a mile in the wrong direction. (A tree that bears bad fruit cannot bear good fruit). But I realize, not everyone has suffered before the same way, and so they cannot understand. To farther this, I've been in so many experiences in college, where I have to sit on the opposite side of a person who is tearfully crying. Their pain, their situation, is beyond what I can help. All I can do is watch them cry as their world breaks around them. I feel powerless. But, as mentioned above, all I can do is listen, be gentle, don't pity, and open my hand to receive some of their pain and return some of my warmth.

One thing I realized was that, if for some reason evidence appears that the God of Christianity does not exist, I personally would lose all reason to live. I might as well die immediately. The hurt I inflict to my parents and friends would mean nothing. The love and influence I would have shown the world would mean nothing. Everything will just be a human construct, and nothing has value, nothing is precious, and there will be no dream worth pursuing. I wonder how many Christians I know whose life would not change one bit if they found out Jesus doesn't exist. Would they still pursue the same goals or live life the same way?

There is really not much I can do, but to care for everyone, extend my hand of friendship to those who wish to receive it, and help those who ask for it. That is all I can do.

God is writing a KICK-ASS story. All I have to do is believe.

Analogies

There once was a man who owned a fish in a bowl. He loved the fish very much. He would sing to it, read to it, feed it the most premium fish food, and give it lots of sunshine and clean water. But the fish never showed that it recognized the love. It just kept staring and swimming aimlessly in the bowl. One night, the man had a dream. He dreamt that he changed into a fish, and entered the fish bowl. He realized now that he could communicate with the fish, so he told the fish how much he cared for it, and how wonderful it was on the outside. (Jimmy Mao thought this was brilliant; I thought this was a severe case of fish fetish at first...shows the difference in maturity level)

If you couldn't tell who this man was, it is Jesus, whom tries his hardest to show how much he loves mankind, but we give him no notice and continue on with life in our little fish bowls.

During times of unrest and discourse in other countries, the president sends his ambassadors to seek amity in these countries. When the problems escalate to a great degree, the president would send his Secretary of State or a prominent senator. If the problems become of great magnitude, affecting many people and nations, the president would send the vice-president to conciliate the situation. But, when the predicament becomes so vital that the lives of his own people and the peace of the nation are in danger, along with millions of other lives in the world, the president would go himself to subdue the problem.

This is like God, who deemed the salvation of all the people in the world so crucial, so fundamental, that he sent himself to save them.

Contrast

You got Donald Trump on the left. You have Mother Teresa on the right.

On one hand, Donald Trump is arguably one of the most successful businessman on the planet. He creates companies. He owns resorts, casinos, and tons of real estate. He has his own TV show. He builds empires. He spends his time solicitation with the world's most powerful and richest men and women. He is extremely wealthy, and has had a successful career and life.

On the other hand, you have Mother Teresa. A humble women who reaches her hand out to take in the poor and the weak. She goes to the world's most impoverished places to take care of those who suffer the most. She gives help to the helpless and hope to the hopeless.

Which of these two people would you like to be?

Though we will never know how many people Donald had to hurt, cheat, blackmail, or trample to get to his position, we would be naive to say his past is spotless. Nevertheless, he's got it all and probably never spares even a second on blemishes in his past. Mother Teresa might have done bad things in her childhood, but she embraced her calling to her death. She died probably with practically nothing in her name, just her reputation. But what a reputation that is.

Which of these two is has affected the world more?

Donald Trump influences the millions with his money, fame, and commercial empires. He is a household name in the United States and is acquainted with many other powerful figures. Mother Teresa, who is dead? Her legacy moves billions across all the continents. Her name will probably be revered forever, but Donald's will probably die off in some history book, say, 100 years later...200 years later...kind of like Rockefeller or any other businessman. We won't give a damn. But the values Mother Teresa embraces will transcend not only our generation, but many many more. And the care and blessings she gave to her patients will carry for many generations to come.

Who do you want to be now?

No one expects you to be as powerful or influential. But do have a steadfast heart in what is right. To travel one feet on the correct path is better than running many miles down the wrong one.

(Disclaimer: This is from a message given at GF spring retreat 2011, and expanded by me. the people are only examples, and I have nothing wrong with them, they just happened to be the ones used and good ones for the illustration)

Books

One day, the in the direction the future is headed, there will be no more need for books. Soon, we will all carry a storage device of some kind on our bodies that will contain tens of thousands of digital books. Whether its a tablet, a PC, a Mac, an Ipod, a cell phone, or a kindle, soon we render books obsolete and depend solely on a screen to obtain our literature needs. Books do not last...they are made of paper. Will they all end up in a landfill? Or will they become dust and dirt, to grow new trees in the future? Or will the end up in museums, or what libraries will be called in the future, and the stereotypical librarian lady will become the new curator image.

Will we miss them? Will our generation refused to bend, giving excuses that our eyes will hurt looking at a tiny screen or flipping through pages has a nostalgic feeling. Or will we come up with more practical reasons, like books make it easier to compare and sort out information. Alas, computers and programming can easily render that excuse powerless.

Well, I may be a stubborn one, but I predict that the world will move toward an age where everything is digitized, information is processed and interpreted at lightning speed, and knowledge is portable. Oh well...

Some of my favorite books as a child:

RIP Brian Jacques February 5th 2011.

Being a Senior

You know, what is nice about being a senior? As a senior, I've met seven different academic classes. That is a ton of people, you know. I have seen many great role-models and teachers enter the real world, and I have seen many underclassmen grow from being immature froshies into great leaders and genuine caretakers. That is a great feeling, you know.

Favorite Commercials

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzPzz9OLNDA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR5mZqeDNtg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnsSUqgkDwU

More to come if I can think of any...and my reflections to be added soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpYJo1WTb8k

Oh how we have matured....

There once was a time, where all my friends and I talk about on skype was video games, anime, and dota. Now, we talk about crazier things...like self-confidence, hope, stormtrooper effect, cold evangelism, girls, fellowship, community, God, family, future, sin issues, purity, commitment, and love.

Oh how we've grown.


...or not.

(the crazy one is my younger brother)

Many have asked me, "Why don't you leave ACF if you are unhappy with it?" Why don't I go to another church? Why not Grace Fellowship? Yes, I've had longer connections there, they are nice people, I love the teachings, and I love the closeness of the community and inter-class relations. So why not? Because I love ACF and the people there. No matter how much I complain about the fallacies of the people, the weaknesses of Washu's most asian group, or how lacking in the spirit the social activities are, it will always be where my heart wants to be. From what I know, those who have loved ACF the most and contributed and cared the most in the past have all been people who cannot say one positive word about it. But I don't want to be the guy who is all negative, but the guy who truly wants ACF to grow and prosper and show why God is the best. So why do I want to stay in ACF, where I don't get the care I want, or the spiritual feeding I need? I really don't know...love? The same reason why God loves me, though I fail him daily and do all the things he hates.

Don't think that I see things negatively in ACF is because I hate ACF. I love it, that's why I try to spend all my time in it, trying to help and care for the people I meet there. If I really didn't care, I would have hightailed it out of there the very first chance I got and never speak of it to anyone. You worry and complain about the things you love and cherish the most.

To remind myself what True Relationships are.

ADD

Sometimes I think I have ADD (not just the onset of temporary symptoms during finals week). I pace a lot, and can never sit still in one spot. During movies, I always have the urge to get up and stop mid-movie. This is the same for TV shows. Unless it is really engaging, or I'm watching with others, I cannot watch more than 1/2 to 1 episodes at a time. I used to be able to sit and read a good novel through in one sitting, but now I find it takes me much much longer, where I would finish a chapter and then find a good spot on the sofa to contemplate what I just read, and maybe daydream about being in the story for a bit. Even sleeping sometimes gets interrupted because my mind cannot relax and must be thinking on some random topic or another (rage at insomnia...).

When I was little, I was a super hyper kid, and my parents and my montessori teachers had me diagnosed by doctors for ADD. But they all came to the same conclusion: "A pre-schooler who can sit, unmoving, for 4 hours watching baby chicks can not possibly have ADD."

So much for GRE studying...

Edit: Just realized. Now I know where my attraction to cute things and animals comes from.

Edit: This reminds me of the time where I stood watching toy trains travel on the train tracks at Crown Center in downtown Kansas City. My parents kept on moving, but I remained behind. Soon they realized that their son was missing, and were frantically searching. They looked everywhere, but couldn't find me. Later, they started backtracking, and went back to the 2nd (3rd?) floor, in the hallways of stores. There they found me, still unmoving, just staring in awe of the miniature choo-choo trains puffing their tiny smoke, making their little tooting sounds, oblivious to my surroundings. This was the one and only time they lost me, and one of their scariest moments in their lives.

Cephalo-Video

What if people had video cameras taped on top of their heads? This would solve many problems people have in life. Communication would so much easier. Promise won't be forgotten. Discussions can be kept going. No one will be able to say they forgot anything, because they can always go back in time to review the words that came out of people's mouths. Arguments can be kept to the minimum. Every small benevolent gesture and act of kindness will be revealed unadulterated (like in Wall-E for EVE). Relationship will stay longer and healthier, or this will make breakups more rational because of the direction of people's lives. Studying will be easier too. Orgo lectures, seminars, and notes can all be reviewed at anytime, and studying is only for critical-thinking problems.

Obviously in the future, this will actually be implantable recording devices in the eye or someplace, with portable storing devices in the head to be accessed later. Basically this will give everyone in the world photographic memory. This isn't a bad thing right?

Premise for a new sci-fi movie.

Memories

This blog is full of memories.

In all retrospect, it is a collection of memories conceived into prose or imagery, delivered by a existence that demands pitifully to be remembered and acknowledged.

What do memories entitle? They bore a perforation into the past, linking feelings, emotions, facts, to the present.

What are the dangers? To live in the past can corrupt the present and future. To drown oneself in the past means to overlook the events happening in real-time, to ignore the needs and attention of the daily life, to not live to the fullest. To live in the past is to not be living now.

What are the benefits? Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Memories, if used in a positive light, solidify relationships, bring people closer, tear down boundaries, eliminate barriers surrounding the hearts of men, and magnify the warmth that exists in hearts and the surroundings of life.

Over the years, I was shown over and over again that memories I share with people amount next to nothing. The laughter, the feet walking on the same path together, once the mirth is out of earshot, everything is forgotten, and once the feet diverge, they never come back. What does it mean to be best friends forever? Once you are in a new place, isn't it human instinct to leave it all behind and start anew?

When old people hold hands in the park, basking in the warmth of the sunlight and listening to the songbirds sing, they remember the good times don't they? There is love. They remember all the sticky situations they went through together, but also the times where there was peace and wonder in the relationship. They put value in the good times, and consider the bad times as frivolous.

I wish that I can focus on the positiveness of my past and supplement my now with the jubilant energies found in my memories. I want to be able to tell the people I with now, "Hey, don't you remember all the good times we've had together? The last year. The last 2 years. The last 10 years. The last 21 years of our lives! Remember when you cared for me, and I cared for you. Remember how we enjoyed each others company. Please don't let it end."

I myself need to learn that too. More than once, I declared memory bankruptcy, refusing to acknowledge any lasting feelings from a time long past, until someone puts me on the spot and says, "How can you say we didn't have fun that day. How can you say its all a lie? What do you think we are, rocks on the road? Let us grow closer to you, hold you up, support you, and love you."

Home, as defined by Tim Keller, is a place that holds nostalgic value. It will be a place with figurative walls lined with memories. Everyone longs to be home. Everyone desires to reach that destination where they feel most safe, most welcome, most happy. But, maybe once we get there, we have realized that we were chasing empty thoughts and dreams, and the place we were smitten by no longer exists.

What happened to childhood? What happened to growing up together? Please don't mock memories. They are all I have of people long past, some who have found rest in the eternal home above. The memories keep me warm at night, when the darkness closes in, and the bitter cold licks my skin and pierces my body. Memories contain Love, just as much as everything now.

Elimination of memories, as shown many times in movies and literature, removes the essence of self. Name, culture, personality, experience, and faith all disappear in a puff of smoke. What is left is an empty shell, a slimmer of a former self. Ready to be filled with new memories. Is that what a human being is? A conglomeration of memories?

I don't really know where I was going with this post, but I just want to remember and never forget. I just don't want to forget how much I am loved. And I don't want you to forget how much I love you too.

edit: You know...the most awkward moments when going through old pictures is seeing people with their ex's...mad awkward.

Yesterday I was talking to my PI about MD's. He stated that doctors usually have three type of patients: patients that they can help, patients that they cannot help, and patients who are really there because they need someone to hold their hand.

After thinking about it for a long time, I realized that if I were a doctor, of the three types of patients, I would rather have the third type of patient the most.

The Living Rug