"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ― Lewis B. Smedes

I don’t need you. I hope you see strength in that statement. I need Christ and Him alone.

— Someone’s marriage vows. #Goals

"This...this was who I used to be. Who am I now?"

There once was a time long ago where I was known by these traits (I don't know where CAKEEEEE came from), Made by those who knew me then, they picked out what they saw in me that stood out. Reading those, I wonder if I glowed or something, like a saint. Now I am just known as "smart" or "theologically knowledgeable," but rarely these words above. How did I even get to this point? How did I become like this? I want my old self back, the one who cared. One who sacrificed. One who was selfless. One who had a servant heart.

God is such a troll sometimes.

I swore to Him that I would not attend a specific church in Chicago, and He made me forget the name of the church and I ended up going there. Mind you, its only a branch of the church, and not the specific location, but its close enough.

We shall see why He made me do this, to confront my fears.

"How do I forgive people?"

"Look at the Cross. Has anyone done any offense greater to you than what you have done towards the Cross? Yet you are forgiven."

"It's not that easy to tell my heart that, even though I know its true."

It's not that easy...

So...

when did having a boyfriend/girlfriend equate to being blessed and joyful? When did that start becoming a thing? Or getting a job, or acing a test, or even having good weather? Go Biblegateway.com "blessed" or "joy" and see what shows up.

So if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, are you all of the sudden less blessed or robbed of your joy? What happens in the future if your spouse passes away, or even worse, divorces you? Last time I checked, finding joy in worldly things is called idolatry, and being blessed only when God gives you what you want is called Prosperity Gospel which, by the way, is the worst false gospel to ever exist.

Today I got to hear the testimony of one of the associate pastors for my new church in Chicago, and his testimony is full of pain and broken-heartedness. Born blind in one eye, he often prayed as a child for it to be healed, to no avail. His parents often fought when he was younger, leading him to be depressed. At school he was the only asian, and so he had no friends and was bullied often. Even just recently his wife left him, leaving him shattered. But through all of this, God was always there for him. God told him that though he won't heal his eye, there is still healing for the spirit. God also redeemed his parents, helping his father come to Christ, and sent them to start an orphanage in China (and currently in seminary in Korea). To this day he is still able to say the sweetness and goodness of God is better than anything else. To him, being blessed and joyful is having Christ, and nothing else.

So let me say this: I am blessed because I know Christ. I have constant, everlasting Joy because Christ is in me.

Please, let's remind each other of this.

He [Jesus] said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.