The other night, I had a dream, and in that dream I was old and single and serving in the church. And I was happy.

I guess this was God showing me that I can be content with being single for the rest of my life.

http://cheezburger.com/215557

I want to be a dad like this one day.

Devo Post #12

9/21/15

Proverbs 28:27

Those who give to the poor will lack nothing,

   but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses.

I need to keep persevering in doing devotions. Ugh.

How do I address the homeless of Chicago, given that each time I see one who is curled on the street or accosts me and/or my walking companions, I am reminded of this verse? How many curses have I received for rejecting almost all of these people? I know that there is a mental breakdown for most of these homeless men and women. They lost all inhibitors of shame. The suffer from a multitude of mental disorders that causes them to be afraid of society and thus lead them to not find jobs. I know that many of them are living in a dream like world, where the fabrics of fantasy and reality have been dissolved. I saw this first hand when a homeless person walked into the Church of the Beloved when Mike was giving the message of the day, and he would say what he believed to be the right things, like quoting Genesis 1 and saying Hallelujah, and singing some tune to his childhood when the guitar started playing. At that moment, I wonder if he was still with us in that room, or was he transported via music to some nice and happy memory, maybe with his family or friends, where he could be at peace? As I sat pondering that imagery, he got up and left. I wonder how many people were annoyed or at least uncomfortable when he arrived? Would that homeless man truly understand what we were offering if we asked him to stay at our congregation, to come again and again and be a part of the family? I wonder how many of us would offer him a place to stay, or at least encourage him to have meals with us? Or would we just tell ourselves he isn’t our problem? I know that he needs help, mental help, professional help, and that is something we cannot give him. But is the power of God weak to the point that us dental/medical/phd students would be quick to disregard the spiritual power and the ability of miracles to occur in front of us? I know I am always suspicious of miracles and cases of miraculous healing. I hate it when people attribute it to faith, as if we create the faith ourselves, and God sees how much faith we have and give us alleviation of our physical ailments. What about all the faithful people who God chose not to heal? Are they lacking in faith? To say that faith leads to physical healing is along the lines of the Prosperity Gospel. God even chooses to let the faithful die, die painfully and pathetically, to glorify His name. Can God not use physical suffering in His children to glorify His name too? Why do we not praise Him and remember Him for those, but only when He performs a miracle in conjunction to our commands do we give Him glory. It sounds like a complete reversal of roles, that God has to answer us when we demand miracles.

So back to the original question. How do I reach the homeless in Chicago, when I can barely keep myself afloat on $2000 a month, with no guarantees on future funding or even the guarantee I will be able to stay at UIC or Chicago past 1 year? What is the minimum or maximum I can do? What is my calling? How can I pray for them? How can I lead them truly to Christ, as many will use Christianity as a trick to get support, but not truly believe in Christ as both Savior and Lord. Many of them are so trapped in their fears and mental jails. I know of that well, because I have been trapped in a jail due to depression before. The many continuous nights of crying till no more tears come out. The days where I refused to leave the classroom to eat with other students in the high school cafeteria. The days where I stay up all night shaking and burning all over. 11 whole years, starting when that naive and innocent kid first tastes and realizes the cruelty and unfairness of this world. It is that moment when we realize our parents aren’t all powerful. It is similar to that moment when the African kid was forced to shoot his parents to mature from a boy to a child soldier, leaving behind playtime and toys to become a man and a murderer. Or when a young girl is raped for the first time. All too real is the cruelty and evil of this world we live in. Just remembering being betrayed still instantly tears me up too this day. I have never killed anyone, and though I’ve been molested before, I’ve never been raped, I think I can understand the rapid propulsion of the development and hardening of the victims of this world due to these kinds of circumstances. One’s experiences, one’s fears, one’s pain, one’s shame, one’s bitterness, one’s hatred are all powerful shackles that fetter just as permanently as caste iron bracers chained to a wall or weight. I know the correct answer is God/Jesus can break every chain, but how real is it for me? How real is it for these homeless people? At what point does Christianity stop becoming theoretical and philosophical and becomes real? We live in reality, not a dreamland. Very likely that reality is a nightmare.

There are no easy answers. I don’t know what I would say if someone came to me and told me he/she just killed someone, or he/she was just raped. In the same way, I don’t know how to truly approach the homeless with no understanding of the paths and hardships they’ve taken to end up in their fallen state. This is where we say “The power of the Gospel is enough.” I think it is too easy to scoff at those who say this, but at the same time it is too easy to say that and walk away as well. So the question is, is the power of the Gospel enough? How much of the responsibility is on us? How far do we have to break before God intervenes, if He does at all? How much of this is part of God’s master plan? Does that plan involve me dying, or those homeless men and women dying?

God, you gave us this command (200+ times in the Bible, which is about 180+ times more than you command us to preach the Gospel) but don’t give us the means or the heart or the community to accomplish it. What are you playing at? Where does a 26 year old taiwanese-american 1st year BioE PhD student lacking in experience, skills, spiritual gifts, resources, and energy fit into the picture?

Christian Links

I made this page both to have an online record of the links I've collected over the years on various topics (not very well organized, I will find time later to do so), since I almost lost them all in the latest hard drive crash, but also as a resource for other Christians, non-believers, and friends alike. I hope this page helps people, even if only a little. 

Some links (like the Resurgence ones) no longer work. 

Also don't focus too much on the "controversial" section or you might wanna bang your head on something.

Enjoy!
 

Christian Links

I mentioned before that I rather be known as the guy who cares, who listens, who shares and loves and engages, instead of being the guy who is "knowledgeable." But my greatest fear now is that I am no longer known as anything at all and serve no purpose in the fellowships. Ugh.