Today I broke an apple with my bare hands. I still remember we used to do this at ACF retreats during lunch.

The simplest truths.

Edit: I also managed to injure my hand...oh sadness.

Where your Identity is, is where your Heart is also (Idols)

You can idolize video games,
You can idolize sports,
You can idolize exercise,
You can idolize laziness,
You can idolize your Iphone,
You can idolize a TV show,
You can idolize anime,
You can idolize your clothes,
You can idolize culture,
You can idolize an activist movement,
You can idolize grades,
You can idolize your fantasies,
You can idolize your career,
You can idolize the future,
You can idolize the past,
You can idolize sex,
You can idolize relationships,
You can idolize friendships,
You can idolize your spouse,
You can idolize yourself (pride)
You can idolize looks,
You can idolize your sexuality,
You can idolize people,
You can idolize your nationality/country,
You can idolize feelings,
You can idolize fellowship,
You can idolize songs,
You can even idolize worship for the sake of worship,
But you cannot idolize God.

Define Biblically what an idol is. Find your idol(s).

Today seminar was cancelled so I played a little game with myself.

I decided to watch a Joel Osteen sermon and compared it to one of the CauseKC's old sermons. More importantly, I looked for code words. I did this for 30 minutes because I couldn't stand any more. Now youtube thinks I like Joel Osteen and suggests his videos to me.

Here is what I tallied:

Joel Olsteen - 25min
God 1111111
Holy Spirit
Prayer
Bible 111
Jesus
Cross
Sin
Grace
Most common phrase: victory

CauseKC - 25min
God 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
Holy Spirit
Prayer 1
Bible 11111
Jesus 111111
Cross 11
Sin 111111
Grace 111
Most common phrase: God's plan

Things I learned. Joel Osteen says (almost) all of the right things, but he omits the most important things. He is basically a glorified inspirational speaker. I guess that's the prosperity gospel for ya.

If I ever here the word "victory" again I am going to shoot myself...

NOOOO! Found out Dallas Willard died last year! I wanted to meet him...fellow Missourian. Your teachings had led many to understand Kingdom Living and the Sovereignty of God. May you rest in peace in the presence of the Lord and Savior.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2iOlV0niBk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFIdW5tRObw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y466qL6JtA4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhobThHUzcA

(Warning: he has a voice perfect for sleeping to. I don't know how the USC students stay awake in his lectures)

Where Love is, There God is Also

Today I felt a strange uneasiness, something I haven't felt before or in a long time. I don't know if its jealousy or I am sensing impending doom to come. It is almost Spring I guess.

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Today I was reminded of a short story I posted onto fb not so long ago by Leo Tolstoy, the one about the Russian shoemaker. It really reminded me of how we can encounter God in our daily lives, not just during Sunday service or through worship music, but just in the people we see daily. Here is an excerpt that many of us can sympathize with:

“I have no more desire to live,” he said; “I only wish I were dead. That is all I pray God for. I am a man without anything to hope for now.”
And the little old man said to him, “You don’t talk right, Martin: we must not judge God’s doings. The world moves, not by your skill, but by God’s will. God decreed for your son to die, for you—to live. Consequently, it is for the best. And you are in despair, because you wish to live for your own happiness.”
“But what shall one live for?” asked Martin.
And the little old man said, “We must live for God, Martin. He gives you life, and for His sake you must live. When you begin to live for Him, you will not grieve over anything, and all will seem easy to you.”
Martin kept silent for a moment, and then said, “But how can one live for the sake of God?”
And the little old man said, “Christ has taught us how to live for God. You know how to read? Buy a Testament, and read it: there you will learn how to live for God. Everything is explained there.”

Martin Avdeich heard God's voice through a dream, saying "I will meet you tomorrow. Look for me outside your window!" He waited the entire day, unsure who exactly he was going to meet. One can only imagine he was going to see angels or a being clothed in white. Instead, he met some of his neighbors and some strangers as well. To each person he gave something away. In the end God revealed to Martin that through the people he met, he encountered God himself.

Here is the link to the whole story

This week God already revealed to me harshly what happens when I choose to be alone over choosing to be with people. I give into my temptations and don't get my work done haha. Let me encounter God through people today.

Onething 2013

Back in 2013 (wow is already mid-February, I'm really behind on my posts), I went to a conference held by the infamous IHOP fellowship. If you haven't heard of them, they are a 24-hour prayer group which has branches in many states and countries and headquarters in Kansas City. There is a lot of controversy about the group though. For one thing, it is very Pentacostal/charismatic, which is controversial enough. But on top of that, there has been many rumors of cultish practices and problems (such as the murder of 2012), like aggressive leader Lou Ingle making dangerous statements such as the tornado that wiped out Joplin, MO was because of abortions. Needless to say, that statement and many others have caused a lot of backlash. Even more worrying is President of IHOP Mike Bickle, who has a precarious history with a major cult in the KC area. In 1992 he apologized for "being elitist" aka prideful (power to prophesize and heal the sick), and wanted to start anew. For now I will give Mike the benefit of the doubt and trust that God is working in his ministry.

So with all of this, why would I go? Seems like a pretty dangerous place to set foot in. But I truly believe that God can and was using that place for His glory, and if such a large body of believers were gathering only 30 minutes away from me, why shouldn't I go to have fellowship with them? Despite the fears and the controversy, God's kingdom comes first in my heart and I am compelled to love my brothers and sisters and worship in praise to His Holy name.

When I first arrived on the second-to-last day of the conference, I was greeted with what I could call "anti-IHOP" preachers, or sidewalk pastors. Most of them were actually from local churches and had a strong background in cessasionism, which states that all spiritual gifts of the Spirit manifested in the 1st generation disciples were lost over time, as evident in Acts in the Corinthian books, because those specific gifts were only necessary as a source of supernatural evidence of God's power. We in this modern generation have the Bible, and any person claiming to have the gifts is only coincidentally taking credit from God, who can still directly create miracles in this age. One of the preachers I met was Greg, a cop by day and a theologist by night. He firmly debated IHOP attendees that the Bible is the only primary source of the gospel, and any prophecy or "extra" knowledge that people of IHOP claim is heresy. Though he wasn't able to convince anyone who didn't already share his sola scriptura view, he did make a strong argument that almost 4 out of 5 people he interviewed cannot reasonably explain the gospel to him. I actually was a witness to this and felt really sad and burdened by this truth of American Christianity. Most of the attendees believe in God mostly due to feelings of passion and ecstasy (similar to what you see on stage) or personal experiences, but never bothered to apply the teachings of Jesus or bothered to sit down and understand the depth of the sacrifice made on the Cross. To these people, feelings seemingly from the Holy Spirit are enough.

After bidding Greg adieu, I went in and semi-immediately got stuck in the queue for the prophecy room. One of IHOP's most desirable features, one could wait in line for hours to be able to meet up with a person with the gift of prophecy, who can then interpret dreams or nudges into full blown predictions of the future. Since I don't believe in that kind of fortune telling stuff, I quickly left the line. After that I entered the bookstore. Similar to what I've seen in 2011, the majority of the books were from the Forerunner (almost Halo reference) store, with some universal Christian books lining one wall. One could see specific, but not all, books by Francis Chan and David Platt on display, which makes one wonder what was wrong with the other books. Why were they excluded? As surprising as the first time I saw it, there was a table devoted specifically for the End Times. Whether you are a pre or post-millennialist, that table only fuels the claims against IHOP that say IHOP and IHOP-EDU are fronts to building an elite army of Christian soldiers to lead God's followers into battle in Revelations. Kind of kooky but who knows. I'll hold out until more decisive evidence shows up.

In all honesty, one of the major reasons why I attended the second-to-last day was to hear Francis Chan. For someone who is so against cults, the prosperity gospel, and anything not based upon the Bible, why would he seemingly endorse IHOP with all its mixed messages? One only has to start listening to his message to see why. Here is a facebook message I posted almost immediately after the message:

Francis Chan just preached quite possibly the most dangerous sermon of this age, with so many pastors and churches ready to jump on him if he said even the tinest thing wrong, AND HE NAILED IT! WITH LOVE! Surprisingly, the was the best part wasn't even about that. All about Jesus.

Yes there were many who were watching the stream, including probably every notable radical/reformed pastor in the world, ready to disown or shake their heads in disappointment at Francis Chan. It was very clear that Francis was addressing these men in the first 10 minutes of his message, as well as teaching the story of the Gospel to the IHOPers, many I noticed were hearing it for the first time in full. He went on to criticize many bad theologies that are often held modern Christians, such as marrying a non-believer, having divorce, refusing to accept hell, and selectively ignoring wrath as part of God's character. Francis Chan then went on to subtlety criticize (with love btw) many of IHOP's core messages, such as shifting the focus of revival and prayer to expecting suffering and rejection, and miracles don't happen because God doesn't need them to work in our lives, using many Old Testament prophets as examples. He then ended on the note that alone time with Jesus (through Bible reading especially) was the richest experience he ever had, and trumps over any possible experience of elation praying with a multitude in a prayer room. Here is a brave man who is willing to rebuke many of his brothers and sisters at IHOP while still trying to hope that they can all truly set their priorities straight. In the words of C.S. Lewis, feelings are good, but they are not the greatest thing. God is. God is enough.

For me, I learned a lot from Francis Chan's sermon, which was very powerful and more meaningful than any of the emotion packed worship songs at the conference. It was also notable that the following night, Corey Russell really botched up the story of King David, and went back to the old IHOP message of bringing revival is important and more is better, totally contradicting Francis Chan's message and twisting Biblical context for an in-house purpose. To be honest, I still enjoy IHOP's prayer room and songs, as well as the rave fest for the countdown, the experience reaffirmed in me the idea to believe in God and the gospel through scriptural truth and reasoning, and to trust God independently of my feelings or my heart. I felt like many of the attendees were marginalizing who the Holy Spirit really is (the Helper and part of the Trinity), as well as boxing up Jesus for their own goals. Like Francis Chan, I will still call them my brothers and sisters, but I will also pray diligently that they are confident in their faith and trust God even in the darkest times when all feelings of closeness cease, and not be so impressionable and equate human emotions as voices from the Holy Spirit.

"You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words: but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw -- but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of -- something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat's side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it -- tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest -- if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself -- you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say "Here at last is the thing I was made for". We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain 

Somehow, this is so deep that I'm going to spend this week pondering the entire meaning held within this passage.

Let me love and not be respected

Let me love and not be respected; Let me serve and not be rewarded;
Let me labor and not be remembered; Let me suffer and not be regarded.
'Tis the pouring, not the drinking; 'Tis the breaking, not the keeping
A life suff'ring to seek other's blessing. A life loving and true comfort giving.
Not accepting pity and concern. Not accepting, solace and applause;
Even lonely, even forgotten, Even wordless, even forsaken.
Tears and blood, my price for the righteous crown shall be; Losing all, my cost for a faithful pilgrim's life.
'Twas the life, O Lord, that You chose to live. In those days when on earth You walked,
Gladly suff'ring all injuries and loss so that all might draw near and repose.
I cannot see how much farther I shall go; Still I press on knowing there is no return.
Let me follow Your pattern so perfect and true, Bearing ingratitude without complaint.
In this time of trial, O my Lord, I pray that You'd wipe all my hidden tears away;
Let me learn, O Lord, You are my reward, Let me be others' blessing all my days.
-Watchman Nee

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 An old hymn written by probably the most famous Asian Christian of all time, that my home church used to sing very often, it tells us the life of what a Christian is to expect. It is a bit harsh, and completely glosses over any blessings God can provide to us here on Earth, but since each line was taken from a specific verse in the Bible (literally), there is a lot of truth to the life of a follower of Christ. Like how Christ was rejected and persecuted, we are to be rejected and persecuted. Like how Christ gave it all for us, how he died for us, we ought to die both to our selves and for our brothers and sisters (1 John 3:16).

Again it doesn't mean we have to be "lonely" or "forgotten" or even "forsaken," nor are we doing this to pay our due for our sins, but the Bible continuously mentions the cost of following Jesus.

I really hope my life doesn't end up like this, all alone, and from the looks of it God doesn't have that planned for me. But even if it does end up like this, now or in the future, let me be able to say "God is enough."

"Are you ready to be poured out as an offering? It is an act of your will, not your emotions. Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you. From the outside your life may appear to be the same, but the difference is taking place in your will. Once you have experienced the crisis in your will, you will take no thought of the cost when it begins to affect you externally. If you don’t deal with God on the level of your will first, the result will be only to arouse sympathy for yourself."
- Oswald Chambers

I guess a continuation of my last post. Coincidence.

Feelings

“The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go God's love for us does not.” - CS Lewis

Feelings are a blessing from God. They often transpire from of our actions and in situations in our lives. That doesn't mean our faith is dependent on our feelings or personal experiences. When we feel like we are filled with passion, we have a tendency to believe that God is near and that we are overflowing with the Holy Spirit. But when we walking through spiritually dark times, when it feels like there is no voice there to speak to us, and God's presence is nowhere to be found, we feel like we have lost all our faith and our spiritual walk is frozen in place.

"God’s presence is not the same as the feeling of God’s presence and He may be doing most for us when we think He is doing least."

- C.S. Lewis

 

I tell you the truth, our faith is strongest and the Holy Spirit is working hardest in us when we still stand firm and believe in times when we cannot hear God's voice. When a son of Korah, in Psalm 42, watched his father and most of his family all get swallowed up alive into the realm of the dead, and ridiculed by the Israelite community (v3), is still able to call God his living water, his rock, his savior, his faith was at its strongest. Even when he reminisced the times when he was an esteemed Levite (v4), praising and dancing in front of the ark, and his soul is now downcast, he still puts all hope in his God (v11).

“Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” - CS Lewis

John Piper had an illustration about how our faith should be. He argues that our faith in the Lord is not determined by how much happiness we obtain from Him, but that even when you smash your car and watch your little girl fly through the windshield and hit the pavement dead, even after the most horrific events and through the deepest pain, we are able to say "He is enough," that is faith.

I can't help but remember the story of Horatio Spafford when I hear this illustration. On November 22, 1873, he lost his four daughters in a tragic ship collision and almost lost his wife as well. On his journey to the site of the crash, he wrote the hymn "It is Well with My Soul", a song that speaks so true of his feelings at the time, but also the state of his soul and the power of the gospel within him. You can find the whole story here.

“My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes - many times - my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens - and it happens every day in some measure - I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.” - John Piper

I want to remind my brothers and sisters that even when all your feelings and personal experiences are stripped from you (or put against you), the gospel will still be, in some shape or form, whole in your life. It may look a little bare. It may not look like the incarnation of the gospel that you relate to the best. But it is still whole.

"'God is enough. He is good. He will take care of us. He will satisfy us. He will get us through this. He is our treasure. Whom have I in Heaven but you and on Earth there is nothing that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart and my little girl may fail, but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.' That makes God look glorious!" - John Piper

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Paul

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/01/us/book-explores-ways-faith-is-kept-or-lost-over-generations.html

I will keep this in my heart so that when I have kids, I can show them the love God and my own parents have shown me.

No other parents have served the local church more in Kansas City, and I am proud to have watched them give and give some more to the community since the time I was born.

Proverbs 17:6

Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.