I hate getting sick. I am sick because I do not know how to take care of my body. I have a bad habit of ignoring my body's needs when I'm doing work, studying for a test, or helping others. Bad bad habit...also my sickness from a year ago destroyed my lungs. I don't think I have fully recovered from those 11 weeks of hell. Oh well...and this is the first time I am taking this much medicine at the same time (minus the goodie medicine bags Taiwanese physicians give...an assortment of pills and half pills in tiny goodie bags that people are supposed to take twice a day). Taking 2 sedative agents and 1 anesthetic at the same time can't be healthy...zombie mode time.
Edit: Well...at least i know why im sick. Its God's way of punishing me for having bitterness. Sigh...i do not know the triggers to my hatred. I do not know the triggers to my sadness. I just have that look in my eye that says im angry and there is nothing you can do about it. I guess its that noticeable, if even people from ACF and Harambee could tell today. I got sick last year cuz i was deeply hurt during City Lights, and that scar will probably forever lace my lungs, just like my fight with my past will last my entire life. Why God why?
Edit: Well, i figured out a trigger was on facebook. I hate facebook so much...why so much. At least, the repercussions from the last time i deactivated facebook have finally been fixed (after sending in many requests to facebook team to reinstate my admin privileges to all my facebook groups).
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
I Thirst for You
I have absolutely no idea where this came from. I found it in my digital stash of "stuff" and decided to share it. I Supposedly downloaded it February 8th, 2010.
“Behold. I stand at the door and knock…” (Rev. 3:20)
It is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are not listening, even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there. I await even the smallest sign of your response, even the least whispered invitation that will allow Me to enter.
And I want you to know that whenever you invite Me, I do come always without fail. Silent and unseen I come, but with infinite power and love, and bringing the many gifts of My Spirit. I come with My mercy, with My desire to forgive and heal you, and with a love for you beyond your comprehension, a love every bit as great as the love I have received from the Father. “As much as the Father has loved me, I have loved you.” (Jn. 15:10). I come-longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with my power, that I might carry you and all of your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.
I know you through and through- I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you-even in your wanderings. I know every one of your problems. I know your needs and you worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you not for what you have or haven’t done-I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image. It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as are, and I have shed My Blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all that needs changing in your life, and I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.
I know what is in your heart- I know your loneliness and all your hurts-the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations. I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love- how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, by seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures- with the even greater emptiness of sin. Do you thirst for love? “Come to Me all you who thirst…” (Jn 7:37). I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine-to the point of dying on a cross for you.
I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe my love for you: I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you-that is how precious you are to Me. I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds. I will make you a new creation, and give you peace, even in all your trials. I THIRST FOR YOU. You must never doubt My mercy, My acceptance of you, My desire to forgive, My longing to bless you and live My life in you. I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For Me, there is no one anymore important in the entire world than you. I THIRST FOR YOU. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give Me your life- and I will prove to you how important you are to My heart.
Don’t you realize that My Father already has a perfect plan to transform your life, beginning from this moment? Trust in Me. Ask Me every day to enter and take charge of your life- and I will. I promise you before My Father in heaven that I will work miracles in your life. Why would I do this? Because I THIRST FOR YOU. All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to me completely. I will do all the rest.
Even now I behold the place My Father has prepared for you in My Kingdom. Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life, on a journey home.
Sin can never satisfy you, or bring the peace you seek. All that you have sought outside of Me has only left you more empty, so do not cling to the things of this life. Above all, do not run from Me when you fall. Come to Me without delay. When you give Me your sins, you give Me the joy of being your Savior. There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal, so come now, and unburden your soul.
No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life, there is one thing I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change: I THIRST FOR YOU-just as you are. You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My Love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day-standing at the door of your heart, and knocking. Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My Cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there-for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: “I THIRST…” (Jn. 19:28). Yes, I thirst for you-as the rest of the psalm-verse I was praying says of Me: “I looked for love, and I found none…” (Ps. 69:20). All your life I have been looking for your love-I have never stopped seeking to love you and to be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.
Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit: “No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake. Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock…Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU…”
For some reason, this reminded me of the analogy game we did in Max Out yesterday. How we cannot let go of our sin because we are so attached to it. We have to allow our friends, our accountability partners, our family to take it away. God brought them into our lives to change it. God is working through them as living testimonies, as reminders, as role models, and as examples to help us change our lives and grow. God is in control.
“Behold. I stand at the door and knock…” (Rev. 3:20)
It is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are not listening, even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there. I await even the smallest sign of your response, even the least whispered invitation that will allow Me to enter.
And I want you to know that whenever you invite Me, I do come always without fail. Silent and unseen I come, but with infinite power and love, and bringing the many gifts of My Spirit. I come with My mercy, with My desire to forgive and heal you, and with a love for you beyond your comprehension, a love every bit as great as the love I have received from the Father. “As much as the Father has loved me, I have loved you.” (Jn. 15:10). I come-longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with my power, that I might carry you and all of your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.
I know you through and through- I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you-even in your wanderings. I know every one of your problems. I know your needs and you worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you not for what you have or haven’t done-I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image. It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as are, and I have shed My Blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all that needs changing in your life, and I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.
I know what is in your heart- I know your loneliness and all your hurts-the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations. I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love- how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, by seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures- with the even greater emptiness of sin. Do you thirst for love? “Come to Me all you who thirst…” (Jn 7:37). I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine-to the point of dying on a cross for you.
I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe my love for you: I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you-that is how precious you are to Me. I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds. I will make you a new creation, and give you peace, even in all your trials. I THIRST FOR YOU. You must never doubt My mercy, My acceptance of you, My desire to forgive, My longing to bless you and live My life in you. I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For Me, there is no one anymore important in the entire world than you. I THIRST FOR YOU. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give Me your life- and I will prove to you how important you are to My heart.
Don’t you realize that My Father already has a perfect plan to transform your life, beginning from this moment? Trust in Me. Ask Me every day to enter and take charge of your life- and I will. I promise you before My Father in heaven that I will work miracles in your life. Why would I do this? Because I THIRST FOR YOU. All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to me completely. I will do all the rest.
Even now I behold the place My Father has prepared for you in My Kingdom. Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life, on a journey home.
Sin can never satisfy you, or bring the peace you seek. All that you have sought outside of Me has only left you more empty, so do not cling to the things of this life. Above all, do not run from Me when you fall. Come to Me without delay. When you give Me your sins, you give Me the joy of being your Savior. There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal, so come now, and unburden your soul.
No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life, there is one thing I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change: I THIRST FOR YOU-just as you are. You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My Love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day-standing at the door of your heart, and knocking. Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My Cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there-for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: “I THIRST…” (Jn. 19:28). Yes, I thirst for you-as the rest of the psalm-verse I was praying says of Me: “I looked for love, and I found none…” (Ps. 69:20). All your life I have been looking for your love-I have never stopped seeking to love you and to be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.
Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit: “No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake. Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock…Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU…”
For some reason, this reminded me of the analogy game we did in Max Out yesterday. How we cannot let go of our sin because we are so attached to it. We have to allow our friends, our accountability partners, our family to take it away. God brought them into our lives to change it. God is working through them as living testimonies, as reminders, as role models, and as examples to help us change our lives and grow. God is in control.
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